Why I am back early from my blogging break

I have enjoyed my blogging break, but I have also partly missed it. While way, I have had a lot of ‘me time,’ just doing what I want to do, on my own. I have also enjoyed spending time with a couple of family members on days I have seen them.

I have some stressful times as you know, and while I have been away from blogging I have had some ups and downs. But most of these have been ups, as I shared in my first post back from my blogging break.
I have dealt with these ups and downs in ways that are suitable for me, to get it out of my system, which two of them being doodles and sharpie drawings.

I came back earlier to blogging than planned because I wanted a distraction from earlier that day. For two hours, I had to talk a lot about negative stuff with someone from Welfare Rights who was helping me with my PIP application. Like many others who are or were on DLA originally, regardless if you had it for life, we all have to go onto PIP. But if you want it, you have to apply for it. Luckily the person who is helping me with my PIP is the same person who helped me with my DLA. But regardless I am having help with filling it in, it does not make the process any easier.
Talking about all the negativity of your disability, so it is filled in properly on the form to get across to them looking at it on how your disability affects you is hard work. I cried at one point while talking about the negative effects of my hearing loss, saying how easier just being on my own can be, so I can just be me and take my hearing aids out.  Comparing to before when I applied for DLA and now for the PIP, there is a lot more down on paper. I was there for two hours. To say the PIP form is thinner than the DLA form I remember, there is still a lot of writing had to go into it.

Originally my DLA was just for my hearing loss, (although other things were mentioned, but not important then.) Now I have to talk about my depression and anxiety.

Although I left the place where I met up with Welfare Rights person better than during my session, I did start to feel tearful again while eating lunch in town. A place where I was going to have originally lunch in was very busy, so I went to another cafe very near by. I felt a little edgy where I choose to sit, with the cafe being in the centre of the shopping centre and choosing to sit on a seat around the edge. I should have really sat somewhere more in the middle, then I may have felt less edgy.
Before going home, I thought I’d pop into HMV and buy a couple of CD’s to hopefully cheer me up a bit. I bought Ed Sheeran, ‘Divide’ and Anastacia, ‘Ultimate Collection.’
It took towards the evening though, when I was working with my colleague, before my mood picked up much better.

Chit Chat – Back after my blogging break

Hello everyone and I am back from my unexpected break. Instead of coming back in July as I originally planned, I have instead decided to come back earlier as I need to use my blog to get of stress and anxiety from today. I need a distraction. The stress of today, I will reveal in a much later post, until then, I want to keep the remainder of todays post as originally written. 
Firstly, I would like to say welcome to new followers that have joined while I have been away. Thank you for following and thank you to everyone else who has stuck around while I took a break and for the support.

Lots of things have been happening that I share in this post, some things I have kept short, to share in its own post later to keep this post as short as possible.
The first active post I aired was just before this one. It was a post I had shared in the past, but I took it down to be re-edited after realising I had mis-spelt the topic in question. Oops. 

I received ‘High Merit,’ in my Mental Health Course I was doing and I have my certificates safely put away in my CPD folder. 

Changing the way I use the internet

After taking time out and doing other things I mention here, I decided to quit my home broadband package and I now use a pay as you go dongle. I have wanted to do this for the last three years, but I had what I had through following advice of others. I have always believed I could save more money and with me not constantly being on the internet all day and not personally using my landline phone for some time because I cannot hear on it, I thought it was a waste. I only used text relay service when phoning my mum the odd times and I do not feel confident phoning anyone else who does not know me via it, otherwise I see my communication just being text and email.
I felt I was wasting money and I thought I am going to do this now. Doing it this way meant though there was a couple of other changes I would need to make.
One change was to avoid on demand players and You Tube clips. (Not that I was always on these anyway. So I know I can live without and no issues there.) If near when the allowance expires I have some data allowance left, then that’s when I will watch a You Tube clip, which will be the guy that makes me laugh; Tiny Tim’s Adventures. (I talked about him, in this post.)
The other change, will be even less time on Facebook, than I already did prior and I have cleared a lot of my posts off Facebook, leaving mostly just my blog posts airing. I will occasionally post other stuff, other than blogging posts on there, but it won’t be much and the likely hood of me using the private message function there now, will be rare to practically nil. I also stopped following some pages on there too. No point following when I won’t be looking, because of spending less time there, on Facebook.
My blogging won’t change and I will post when I have something to share. Browsing the web when needed and emails won’t change either. The only difference will be, that I won’t be constantly connected.

Getting rid of the TV

I also decided to get rid of my TV. I sold the TV, the glass TV stand and my DVD player. I won’t be having any other TV in my home, or watching the online tv players, meaning I will be saving money by not needing the TV license. I have done this twice before in the past, so no biggie for me.
The first time I had about two years with no TV license, the second time a bit longer.
No doubt, I will have a letter later and a visit from the TV inspector somewhere down the line, to check I am doing nothing I shouldn’t be doing, now I am deciding to this again. But I have got to say, unless things have changed since, I have never felt harassed, or bullied by them in the past because I choose to not have a TV etc, as I have read about online from other people who apparently have.

Getting rid of the TV meant I changed the layout of my living room, to make it feel homely in a different way. I was looked forward to changing the room accordingly.

My garden

While I have been away, I have focused on my garden. Some more work has been happening here, which I will share in a post of its own later. I realise now that I have been in my garden doing things here and there over time, just how important it has been to me. I have observed how I have felt after spending time out there. So at anytime in the future when I plan another house move into a final place I would like to be, I will make sure I spend time outside in nature.
This final move won’t happen till some years down the line, when I no longer have my cat, Miley, as where I would like to live would be a downstairs flat and I would not be allowed to have a cat. Now if things change in terms of work, or if I win the lottery, then my final wish of where I would like to live would change and that could change to anything. 


I have been baking more porridge berry bakes, banana, oat and blueberry pancakes and I have also been baking a rhubarb cake. The rhubarb cake I had a few attempts at till I got it right, as the original recipe was  so sweet, that the first time I had to throw it away. I will share this recipe in a post of its own later. Both the porridge berry bakes and the rhubarb cake I enjoyed sharing the recipes with my mum, as she was interested in making them herself, after trying mine.

Doodling, drawing and reading books and poems

I have also been enjoying doodling, drawing and reading books, while taking a couple of weeks break away from my studying. I will share these book review later in posts of their own, as well as some of my doodles and drawings.
I am surprised how much I enjoyed reading alternative books, away from my study ones, as I thought I was getting fed up of sticking my head in books a lately.

Mum has been writing some more poems and I have been reading them. My mum wanted my approval and as always, I liked them.

Driving lessons

Looking for automatic car driving lessons has not been easy, to say driving an automatic car is popular. I found that there were not many driving schools in my area that offer them and the schools that did, had long waiting lists. (As to be expected.) One example of a driving school waiting list said to try again in 10 to 12 weeks time and hopefully they can get me in then. (Not much of  guarantee.) So as much as I would like to drive an automatic car, if I wanted experience on the road sooner, then I had to give a manual car a go. I will tell you more about this later, in a separate post.


I have been travelling to places I have not been before and so to keep up with doing something out of my comfort zone.
Back in March, I went to Alfreton for the day and I felt right at home to say I had not been here before and I was surprised it was not far away, travelling on the bus as I thought. A shop that used to be in my local area, but closed down to concentrate on the one in Alfreton I found easily and I enjoyed walking around the town centre, stopping at a cafe for lunch. I enjoyed it so much, that I went again the following week. This time my mum came with me and we went to the same cafe I had been to before, as well as the shop, which mum treated herself to a bag. Mum enjoyed it too down Alfreton and she said she may even make her own way down here next time.

I also took a trip down to Derby. I have only been there twice and it was some years ago when I last travelled there. I always relied on someone else when I last went, who knew the place, so me choosing to go myself and it being a long time since I had last been, it was another step out of my comfort zone. 

In May I went on a weekend coach holiday, to Warwick and Stratford Upon Avon. It was the first time visiting here and something that I had planned long ago and I really enjoyed it. Although I did have my camera with me, I decided not to take any photos and enjoy for what it was, taking in the sites, as this may be my last holiday for a while.
I have noticed while travelling and exploring these new places and the above, that I hardly had any anxiety. So that was good. 🙂


What is dissociation?

Dissociation is a self-defense mechanism that the brain uses when it cannot handle the current situation, or when it is attempting to process something painful.

When this happens, the person begins to feel unreal, sometimes they feel as though they are watching themselves go through their day-to-day activities, other times it’s an entirely eerie feeling, as if their body does not belong to them.

Learn more here, at Mind.


Knowing how awful panic attacks can be and reading this blog post regarding how a wonderful person helped one of my favourite bloggers, through her panic attack. I wanted to share this post on her behalf, even though I am taking a break from blogging currently. I could not ignore this post request.




Here is my actual Facebook post which I want people to share…



People of the North-East. Please help me track down my ‘angel of the north’ who helped me through my PANIC ATTACK at the Tyne Tunnel toll booths yesterday at approx. 1pm when I was en route to a meeting in South Shields.

You did everything *perfectly* to help get me through that horrendous experience, and I genuinely don’t know how I would have coped in that traumatic and terrifying situation without your AMAZING altruistic support.


I told my story about you and how you helped me…

View original post 750 more words

Dear friend… (You have not blown it.)

I am still taking a break from blogging, but I had to write this letter here for a friend and reader of this blog. (He knows who he is and he does not need to reply to it on Facebook, as I want to keep this friend anonymous, for who it is for. Written here instead of privately, for reasons we only know.)

Dear friend

As long as we remain friends on Facebook, you have not blown it. So please don’t think that.
You need to thank your friend for being such a good mediator for us, that I choose to still be friends via Facebook in the way you know currently.
As long as you respect my space, there will be a chance when I am back on Facebook sometime in July, that you will hear from me in regards to meeting up. But only as long as you continue to respect this break I need. (No trying to hopefully bump into me, just because you are there and hoping for a chance I could be there too. This may not go down well with me.)

This had to happen because I started having anxiety attacks with not having the space I needed. Not having the space I needed made me react in ways I probably would have not, had this been respected and had my studies not been disturbed, along with other things I won’t mention here.
The way I started to react and how I was feeling in the end totally surprised me too. It set some kind of trigger off. How I have been, I cannot be like this when I start to learn to drive and that is why I have cut you off to a certain extent and I feel I cannot risk it at the moment, because of how many chances you have had so far. I do not want to feel like that again. I also learnt from my friend and work colleague how I had changed at work. (I was apparently quieter.) I did not think I was.

As for me taking a three-month break from Facebook, that I not long announced, this is because I just need to do that. 

I see that you are taking in what I said in an email I last sent, by seeing your other friends. This is good to see. You have friends that love and care for you, so do continue in doing what you are doing and when one day we actually chat and maybe meet up again, I want you to keep seeing them and not just focus on me. Don’t forget them.

If you have a chance of a new experience that takes your interest, then go for it! We all only have one life and how we choose to make it, is only down to ourselves.

Until I am back on Facebook, take care and don’t beat yourself up. Keep up what you are doing and anything more that takes your fancy.

Your friend


Taking a break

I will be taking a break from blogging and will be back sometime in July. Although I will be quiet on my blog during this time, you may still see me around on yours.

Take care and I will see you when back, with new posts.

Garden chit chat

My Godetia ‘Pastel Posies,’ and Lobelia ‘Cambridge Blue’ have been growing well indoors.


The Godetia ‘Pastel Posies,’ (which are the taller ones,) have now been planted outside in my wooden planters, since this photo was taken.
I hope to also get my Lobelia outside, very soon as well, when I have moved some plants about. But if can’t get to moving plants about when time comes, then I will have to get extra long pots for these.


Porridge Berry Bakes

This recipe was shared to me by heartsetonliving, in a comment on this post, “Banana, oat and blueberry pancakes” and I wanted to share this in a separate post after making them myself. Heartsetonliving also shared them on her own post here too; “Driven to distraction before languishing in limbo.”

While they were baking, the smell was flowing beautifully throughout my home and taste lovely. It’s nice knowing that these are guilt free too, because they are naturally sweet and have no added sugar.


2 ripe bananas
2 eggs
vanilla extract
2 and a half cups of porridge oats
1 and a half teaspoon of baking powder
1 and a half cups of milk


  1. Mash two ripe bananas with two eggs and a bit of vanilla extract.
  2. In a separate bowl, mix two and a half cups of porridge oats with some cinnamon and one and a half teaspoons of baking power.
  3. Now mix everything together and add one and a half cups of milk.
  4. Put mixture into greased or silicone muffin tins, then add your berry toppings of choice. e.g. blueberries or strawberries.

Bake at 180 degrees for around 30 minutes.

These bakes can be made vegan-friendly if you omit the eggs and replace with another banana, but it will make a more dense cake.