If you followed last night’s post…

If you followed the comments in last night’s post, I choose not to…, you will know, after admitting to my blogger friend, Lorraine, that I admitted, I did glance at the letter.
I skimmed it quickly and I was right, another letter that does not benefit me in any way. It just caused me to be upset, regardless it contained what I expected and more.
I skimmed it because I wanted to be sure there was nothing in it to show that she was planning on harming herself again, with having a text that just said sorry on Sunday night, which I did not respond to as I said in last night’s post, because I was going to bed.
To say I texted her last night as I said in last night’s post that I choose not to read it, I heard nothing from that text. Not even an ok, as she normally would.
For all I know, mum could be dead on the floor. But then she could be doing her own thing, giving me space.
Since this year’s overdose, mum has always said she wouldn’t do it again. But given past experience and her mental health now, how am I supposed to trust that?
I should not have glanced at that letter, until I did my blood pressure reading. But I did and so each reading went higher than the one before. It was high.
I went to bed with huge anxiety. Thought I would never sleep. But I did.

This morning, I woke upset. I was tearful and I am also angry with my mum.
I am at the stage today that I want to disown my mum. But this, I would never say in a text.

I have emailed the email I was given by my mum’s nurse, should I ever need to use it as an urgency while mum’s nurse is not available. I have expressed my feelings there of how it has caused me to be off work last week.
How I wonder why as a child, I was never put into care when I have my mum as she was and a verbally abuse father.
How I was sick of holding responsibility as a teenager, when I had not experienced adult life.
So to watch it all unfold and see the signs that I see, in addition to seeing if mum takes this alternative help, when her nurse next sees her to discuss this, that I will not sit and watch all this again.
I have expressed that if mum does not take that alternative help, then it won’t surprise me if I have a mum by Christmas. I will expect her dead before then.
There was more I had written in this email, but it will make it hell of a long post.

As well as the above in how I feel, I may as well have a noose around my neck. That’s how it feels, as though I have that, wondering if mum has already, or will take an overdose. This is the only way I can describe my mental torcher I feel, as well as living in a nightmare I don’t want to be in.

I thank you to those who supported me in last night’s post and I send advanced thanks to this one, in case I fall behind in commenting, with how I feel in this torment.

 

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated.

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I choose not to…

As I said in Chit-chat August, I had a letter off mum to read when I felt settled, as mum said. When I asked  mum what was basically in it, given that past experiences of reading her letters has not benefited me and have left me upset since aged 11. All mum said was she wrote everything in there. I said I could not promise when I would read it, if I ever do, because all it is doing to me is filling me with dread to read it now.
No reassuring words from mum what so ever, than what she said, “I have written it all in there.”
So I know given the circumstances, this letter will not benefit me and only upset me, reading what I already know and more.
Why should I allow my mum to do this to me again, after many times before?
Well I am not. Not again and so after only having that letter in my hands to read one day, since Saturday, I chose to shred it tonight.

I sent the following text to my mum, to tell her I choose not to read and why.

“I have shredded your letter. I have not read it because I choose not to. I choose not to open a letter that could possibly upset. Given my experience of past letters from you since aged 11, a majority have never benefited me from reading. Only one letter ever did and I won’t allow myself to get further upset then I have already been. X”

How I feel right now. I am getting ready to disown my mum. Yes. That’s how I feel right now and I feel angry also for feeling this. I feel angry with my mum making me feel like this.

Work though. They have been bloody amazing and supportive as usual, when I told them what has been going off and how I feel about it that I mention here, after my first day back, from being sick off work last week.

 

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated.

Chit-chat August

Blood pressure

I was concerned with this at home, while taking my readings for my doctor, after the last visit and so rather hand my readings in, I made an appointment instead, because they were higher than normal for home.
What I didn’t know doctors do with those readings is work out your average from that and he told me from that average what he would like to see go lower. This was the bottom number.

I seen a different doctor, as the other one I have seen mainly, did not work on that particular day I called in. He was a doctor who soon put you at ease and was aware before I started to speak, that I lipread.

I now have a couple of other appointments.
First one is ECG and blood taken. I am not worried about this, as been there before some years ago.
Then at the second appointment I see the doctor who I seen last, for results of my ECG and blood test. I also take a urine sample that day to him.

Between my last appointment and when I see the doctor again, in September, I am to continue taking my blood pressure readings, but this time, just two, or three times a week; morning and evening.

My break from work, helped me to feel more like me, than I have ever felt for a while this year. It helped my fatigue that I had been having for some time, although I still have odd times of bad bouts of fatigue. Does this mean I have to listen to my body more?
I crashed as I expected on the weekend leading up to my break from work. But my recovery was quicker than expected. Regardless, I still took it easy.
My mood during that time was stressful to start, but I got myself to relax after a few days. But I had and still do, have some down days with how things have been.

I plan to go back to work, tomorrow.

During this time, I felt I had to cut ties with my mum, so the next time seeing her from last, was just over a week. Seeing her for the first time yesterday, after my break, went ok and I ended up staying a little longer than planned.
I have a letter written by my mum, for me, to read when I feel settled. This obviously is not something I will go into detail, in a later post when I have. Not even a protected post. I said to mum this could be end of September before I read this, at the earliest. I am waiting until appointments are out the way and I know what’s what. But all the same, the letter fills me with dread, because I have mostly had bad experiences when it comes to her letters.

Learning something new, was when I learnt how to blanch. This was needed for my Tomato and broccoli quiche (dairy-free).

As well as making the quiche, I also made some strawberry chia jam tarts, from the left over pastry, with me having the strawberries and chia seeds to hand.

Chia strawberry jam tarts
Chia strawberry jam tarts

I also made some petticoat tails. The recipe for those you will find in an old “McDougalls better baking 33rd edition” book.

Here are just some of mine made, on a plate.

A few of my biscuits on the plate
Petticoat tails

It’s been a good number of years since I last made these biscuits and when I made them again today, I put less caster sugar in them, than the recipe says, because I find them too sweet otherwise.

From the same book, I made cheese scones. Again, adapting so it’s dairy free. I made these yesterday. 😊

I have read a book called, “Keeping Secrets,” by Andrew Rosenheim. A fictional story.

DVD’s watched:

  • Fantastic Beasts and Where to find them
  • The Phantom of the Opera (film, staring Gerald Butler.)
  • (Re-watched) As good as it gets
  • (Re-watched) The Phantom of the Opera at The Royal Albert Hall
  • (Re-watched) Man of Steel
  • (Re-watched) Sum of all Fears

 

 

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated.

WordPress, sort out your spam system!

This gripe follows on from My gripe with WordPress. As I commented on there in the comments today, I said how I heard from a blogger that I like to comment on her blog, but all of a sudden, I couldn’t. This was because I was in her spam box.

So WordPress, pay attention. Stop playing with things that people don’t want. But start sorting out the issue where genuine comments fall in the spam box, that shouldn’t be there.

I am not saying first time commenters. I am saying readers who have commented for some time on my blog, without any issues, but all of a sudden now appear in my spam box. I now have also experienced where I have appeared in a bloggers spam box, on a blog I regularly commented on before.

So as this is a common problem amongst bloggers, isn’t it time WordPress you start sorting it? Especially as there are bloggers here who pay for their blog.

In the meantime, until WordPress are bothered, do make sure you check your spam box at least once a week, because you may find a genuine reader who has commented, but landed up there.

 

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. (But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated, as that is their copyright.)

Dreams

It’s nice to have dreams. We know they may never come true, but I is nice to dream them, isn’t it?

So… What is my dream?

My dream would be, if I was very lucky to win the lottery, or be in a position without winning, to buy a bungalow. This was once in hoping mum would one day live with me if she wanted. But as I blogged about in Chit-chat catch up, this won’t be happening now, whether rent, or bought.

Owning a bungalow feels like a big dream that won’t happen. But it is nice to hope and dream all the same.

On a realistic level, my dream is to one day be living in a council property. Although that situation is nearly as hard as winning the lottery. Although I am looking at ground floor as well as first floor, if I got a ground, then brilliant. Getting a council property in my chosen area, would be really nice.

What is your dream?

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. (But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated, as that is their copyright.)

Tomato and broccoli quiche (dairy-free)

Here’s the recipe I found I don’t know where from and I adapted to make it dairy-free, to suit me.
This is my first dairy-free baking.

Ingredients:

110g broccoli cut into florettes
2 tomatoes cut into 12 slices
110g of dairy-free cheese – cheddar flavour
4 large eggs (or 5 medium eggs as I had on hand)
100mls of unsweetened soya milk
1 tbsp grated onion
Salt and pepper
Ready shortcrust pastry (or make your own)

Instructions:

Pre-heat oven to 180 degrees C.

Blanch the broccoli florettes in boiling water for 2 minutes then plunge into cold water and drain. (Sit florettes on kitchen paper, until being used.)

Grease a 20cm by 24cm dish, or 20cm round dish as I used. So you may find you will not need all the amount of ingredients, if using 20cm round dish.

Unroll pastry and place in your dish, pressing into the edges and trim off excess pastry with a knife.
Bake your pastry first using the ‘bake blind’ method.

After your pastry has been ‘baked blind’, put 3/4 of the cheese in the base of the pastry case.

Pat tomato slices dry and lay over the cheese, followed by the broccoli.
Top with cheese.

Whisk together the egg, soya milk, onion, salt and pepper and pour over the ingredients.

Bake on the middle shelf if the oven for 40-45 minutes, or 35-40 minutes if using a 20cm round dish.

Quiche will rise during cooking, but will settle down when out of the oven.

This was my quiche, in the two photos below.

 

 

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. (But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated, as that is their copyright.)

My gripe with WordPress

I thought with how I am really getting to feel with regards to WordPress, that I put all my complaining (moaning) in one post here. (I don’t care how you see it.)

I think from my list, it’s quite understandable why I am still considering to leave.

1. Let’s not forget WordPress sneaking up their prices big time, after just a few months in with a domain. Because of this, I couldn’t afford to renew something that was just a personal blog. (Another website I used to be with, already had it in their small print.) And now they have this back at the introductory offer again! Do you really think I am going to fall for that again WordPress? It’s very clear where WordPress priorities are.

2. From reading many other blog posts, via other bloggers, WordPress clearly was not interested in the Tygpress issue. To say that the way Tygpress worked, made me question WordPress security. I bet I wasn’t alone in those feelings.

3. Now I am back to my free blog, it means you have to put up with adverts again. As I subscribe to my blog via email, to check things are working ok, means I get to see these adverts. There are some adverts I am seeing, that I do not like seeing and certainly no supporter of.

3. Finding recently I cannot post a comment on a blog, a blog I quite often commented on and so I would assume I have not been blocked. (I have no reason to be blocked, when my comments have not been offensive, or spammy.)
I have unfortunately unfollowed that blog and I have not heard back as this airs, from a private message sent to inform the blogger I cannot comment on their blog, in case they don’t know.

4. Hearing of other bloggers experiences of WordPress, that I have not experienced to my knowledge.

5. Some genuine comments appearing in spam. I have to check this often, with it a regular occurrence now.

Recent related blog posts aired:

 

 

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. (But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated, as that is their copyright.)

What’s your experience blogging on Medium?

I have been reading up about Medium ever since Tygpress issue. I also still think about going to Blogger and I still have one part set up, not visible to public, should I still contemplate that move. It doesn’t help my thoughts, after other recent issues, see this post: Some strange things are happening on WordPress. I am only still here after the Tygpress issue, because of the lovely community we have, at WordPress.

What I would like to ask you in this post, for those that blog at Medium, what is your experience with it?

I also have some other questions below, if you don’t mind answering those.

  • Are readers with free Medium accounts, really limited to only reading three a month and being pressured to pay, to read more? (If this is true, I would not use it.)
  • As a blogger, do they pressure you after so long to pay to blog, as what I have been reading for those that just read?

 

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. (But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated, as that is their copyright.)

Some strange things are happening on WordPress

Some strange things are happening on WordPress.

The first one I spotted was just before I finished my blog maintenance and decided to do some blog reading. I was looking for a particular blog I follow and just thought she had been quiet, but when I looked at my reading list more closely, I noticed she wasn’t there and so I had to re-follow and caught up with her posts, (which I did not miss many) letting her know.
How can you unfollow someone when you didn’t unfollow and they did nothing there end either?

The latest, I can’t seem to comment on one blog I follow. It’s the only blog I am so far aware of that I can’t seem to comment on, which has only happened as of today, because I was commenting yesterday ok. I see the comment has successfully posted, but when I come back to read later, it’s not there.
There is nothing to say it’s in moderation, waiting to be approved, or to say I have commented already, if I try and comment again.
I have heard of this issue before from other bloggers when reading about it a few months ago. But it’s a first for me experiencing it.
I sent the blogger a private message via her contact form. It says the message as gone, but with the weirdness of WordPress, can I really be sure? I also tried leaving a message in the last post I commented on, but again it’s not there. I thought of an attempt to contact blogger via what I thought was my post she commented on, but it wasn’t my post as I thought.

The only issue I have had, which I can’t remember which blog, was when I apologised for looking like I posted a comment twice.
This was because it did not look like it had gone. I got the blogger to remove the first comment and keep the second up, where I added a bit more, if the blogger did not mind doing so. Which this blogger did not mind.
I have had this issue on other blogs too, but luckily, I opened another window to look at the post in question first, to see if my comment was there, which it was, so it wouldn’t look like I was repeatedly posting.

What WordPress weirdness have you experienced?

Chit-chat catch up

So I have done everything I need to do that was needed with my blog and I am back to posting earlier than expected. So it did not take as long as expected.

I would like to thank all my readers for their support and hello to new followers that have joined, for the short time I was away.

Everything is still going fine with my electric and gas supplier. They use meter readings every time compared to the previous. So whenever I move home, I shall take them with me. (Unless I find them there already.)

My previous supplier who I left some months back, surprisingly sent me a cheque for credit I was in, as well as compensation. I was very surprised to see for a rip-off company and so I wasn’t expecting a penny. I would still not recommend them and I will avoid.

Me and my mum won’t be living together. I have now removed her off the council list. I won’t go into too much detail, otherwise it would make this post a protected post. But I am going my own way and mum can go hers, should she choose to take it. My mum’s nurse will advise and guide her should she choose to and if she does choose to, it means she can still move to Mansfield.

In the meantime, because of the situation and my health, which is now high blood pressure, (and I still have asthma issues,) I refuse to do those unexpected stop overs sleeping on the floor at night in a sleeping bag. Mum will have to use that 24 hour phone number she has, should she need it.

Work has been very supportive, as they always are, in these difficult recent times and I took their offer to have a week off work this week, so I could rest.

I will continue to live where I currently live, as I can’t afford to move in another private property, unless I am in a second job. But I shall hold out anyway, to see what happens with bids I make on any council properties.

I will walk away from arguments

As I have said in the past to my mum and now I am actually having to do it to my own mum, is that I won’t continue talking in a heated conservation. I will walk away.
Heated conversations don’t get you anywhere and don’t do anymore any good. I will and I have done, will walk away.

I have gone back to my old volunteer place, with not yet securing a cleaning job in the morning. They were happy to see me back. I do the same day and hours, each week as before.

My other volunteer role in my local area, I go bird watching this week. This is my second time with my local conservation group, since joining this year.

I decluttered. Yes. I managed to fill a carrier bag full of things, ready to donate to charity.

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. (But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated, as that is their copyright.)