Another disappointing blow

I had to post this morning, to get it off my chest what I am currently feeling this morning, after just seeing a particular email.
You will remember via this post; Recent thoughts, I applied for a full-time cleaning job in Derby. I was not successful and so a disappointing blow once more, as this one was really a big deal for me and I could see lots of positive changes to come. I don’t want to be where I currently work and I have wanted to get out for a good few years, but yet I still feel I am going to be stuck here. If I am not successful in something I am skilled at elsewhere, then what chance do I have if I choose a completely different path?
As you know, I am having same access issues as every other year, which is currently being dealt with by the same person who dealt with it last year. Another person in the trust is now getting involved, along with her. I seen her last night and so we spoke some more, along with my colleague who she also knows. She told me it will take time, but we will deal with this, along with other issues I also mentioned and come up with something. I do have faith in her, but as I have said to her, I don’t have any faith or trust in my own department, hence I no longer want to be there. Knowing there isn’t going to be an opportunity again, for some time like the one I applied for recently and nothing else of a different nature in the pipeline anytime soon, I can only wish for a miracle, but going to work tonight is going to be very hard. I do not feel me whenever I walk in my own department, as I have the dread, anxiety creeping and low-self esteem and depression.
As I have already mentioned, I have no faith or trust with my department anymore. These feeling are valid and I have proof for those reasons which I cannot disclose here for confidentiality reasons.

When I feel low and when I find I am still stuck where I am, I wonder if I am just expired and no place anywhere.

Don’t forget this post

While I take a short break, I just want to remind my readers of this post; Questions for my readers.

Those that follow by email in particular, will find that the original email received, may not take you to the post. I wanted to let you know it is still there and if you visit the above link in this post you wi find it, or just visit the previous post aired when navigating around my blog.
I do hope you will join in that post and answer some, or all the questions, as the post will only remain open until 1st July 2017. Thank you in advance. 🙂

I also hope you like the new look, as I have been playing about with my blog since last night, choosing a new theme. 🙂

Questions for my readers

Between now and till 1st July, I will remain quiet. But before I go, I wanted to write this post to ask you my readers some questions. It would be lovely if you could answer some, or all of them, or leave any other comment you see fit for this post. Thank you in advance. 🙂

  1. Why do you read my blog?
  2. Is there anything you particularly like to read, or follow?
  3. Are there any posts you’d like me to write about, that I have not written?
  4. Where are you from? (e.g. Nottinghamshire, UK)
  5. What device do you use, when reading my blog?  
  6. How did you find my blog?
  7. Do you write a blog? Then please feel free to leave your blog link in the comments section of this post and tell me a bit about your blog.

I will keep this post open to comments until 1st July 2017.

Now on Twitter

Just a short post to let you know I am now on Twitter.

I can be found here: so another way for you to follow my blog.

I must say though, please do not expect me to appear there personally myself to personally tweet regular. Instead, most tweets will be automatic, direct from my blog.
I only originally set it up not so long ago, to keep track of a water company,after finding I had low water pressure downstairs and no water upstairs. Turns out there is a problem in my area. I hope it is sorted soon, as it is bloody hot.

Managing mood disorders

Not so long back, I attended an event that I was invited to, called “Managing Mood Disorders.” It was held in Nottingham, on a University campus and so this was the first time I have ever walked onto one and my anxiety was high. Although it was not probably noticeable. I nearly chickened out in going because of it.
The event was held in the Sir Colin Campbell building and I stayed there all day, as there was an interesting programme. Themes for the day were:

  • Findings and Outcomes for Patients – from the Specialist Depression Study
  • Self harm, Depression and Bipolar Services
  • Digital Technology in Mental health
  • MH Research Priorities for the future

The event was a great opportunity to share knowledge, expertise and experience in research and practice. There were all kinds of people at the event, like Mental Health Clinicians, Commissioners, Managers, Service Users and Carers.

I found the whole day interesting and there were lots I learnt and other projects I had not heard of. I was also made to feel welcome from the moment I walked through the door and came across someone I knew who also attended this event. The experience was a positive one and I’m glad I attended.

Click here, to find out more about the Centre for Mood Disorders, at The Institute of Mental Health.


Car driving lessons update

Two driving lessons this week as my instructors wasn’t well last week and how I felt myself, it was also a blessing for me, as I would have struggled with last hour of my lesson possibly with a bad cold I had. I just slept that weekend because of it. My first lesson was yesterday and the other is later today. Yesterday was better than my last lesson and although I knew I did better, the same anxiety was still there and low confidence in what I am doing, but this time having control of my feet to where I wasn’t panicking with them. But regardless, I am still enjoying my lessons.
I am thinking about whether to continue with manual lessons down the line though and instead change to automatic. Or if I manage to continue with manual lessons and pass, I will more likely drive an automatic. As a deaf person, I can’t hear when my car is telling me to change-up in a gear. I cannot feel the difference either. There is something that has been pointed out to me, that will tell me when to go up in a gear, but it still leaves me with knowing about when to drop down in gears.
The bite I feel when the car is stationary, I do not feel now as I move the car and I am now stalling the car. Although it has been pointed out that everyone does this and it take time to master this, I still wonder if after some more lessons in a manual car to start seeking lessons again in an automatic car.