(Content Warning: mental health, childhood trauma I witnessed of cruelty to my dog, emotional abuse.)
Last year, I had six sessions of counselling. I referred myself to this, because I was feeling really low through stressful situations at work.
These work situations I was trying to deal with head on, only to find I was getting nowhere. My stress and frustrations increased and my confidence in the end, disappeared. Whenever I was at work, I just did not feel myself. I also dreaded going in, having panic attacks prior, or while I was there.
Outside of work, I was losing motivation, feeling depressed and I had trouble sleeping, so I knew I had to refer myself for some counselling.
By the time I started counselling, I was already on antidepressants for my depression and anxiety. My doctor monitored me closely to start with, because the antidepressants I was on would take some weeks to work its way around my system.
In my counselling sessions I started to talk about work and how the situations there were making me feel. I also spoke about what was going on with my Mum, as I was getting concerned with her mental health, which then led to how my Mum was in my childhood. (She is a good Mum I’d like to add and still is. It was her mental health, how it was then.)
I then started talking about my Dad, what he was like when I was a child and how I was fearful of him. The way he treated me and my dog at times was very wrong. Wrong when I look back now, but very scary and traumatic as a kid. My counsellor gave me coping skills to try for flashbacks I was getting.
The rest of my counselling session was mainly about my Dad, but because I was only just scratching the surface and my counselling was coming to an end, my counsellor recommended I seek further counselling. Seeking further counselling meant that it could be approached slowly, as this needed to be tackled carefully without rushing. She felt that my past situations were now affecting my present, so if I felt comfortable for extra counselling, then to visit my doctors again. Which I did. My doctor gave me details of two counsellors I could refer myself to. This counselling session started this year. But I will talk about it in another post, so look out for part 2.