(Content Warning: mental health, emotional abuse, dealing with my childhood trauma.)
Burning the letter to Dad
I burnt the letter to Dad. That was it, as I wasn’t going to be doing anything else. Burning the letter was to now let go of the pain and to acknowledge in moving on and not let this past affect me now.
The hate I have before is not the same. I hope I am explaining well how I feel, as it is hard to get my head around when it comes to explaining. I suppose my mind still goes in a spin when evaluating at times. When I say the hate is not what I had before, basically I can say I hate him, but I can say it without gritted teeth, or feeling really worked up about it. I do still feel a little hurt at times, but it is not raw and it does not cause a problem for me now, as it did. I guess this will still improve even more, going by how I know I am so far.
Letting go of the pain and saying goodbye to my dog, Brin.
As you know from another post, this part came in two parts for me.
First part was re-reading the letter to Brin. Once I could let go of the guilt feelings I had, that I should not have felt, then I could burn the letter. (I did this last week.)
The second part, was to say goodbye to Brin. This is something I never got to do as a child. Brin was my mate and my escape from the world.
I decorated a pebble with his name on and then I bought a bunch of flowers. The flowers went in a vase on my kitchen windowsill. I took a couple of flowers out and with my pebble, I went back to where I used to take Brin for regular walks. The pebble was thrown into the brook, followed by the flowers. I had a quiet moment to reflect, before going home.
Here are a few photos of Brin, from my photo album.