(Content Warning: childhood bullying and mental health.)
School reunions I will never do, as all my years at Comprehensive school was a nightmare. From the moment I was there, I was excluded from groups. I experienced verbal bullying mainly, with one being just a push. But just because it was verbal, does not make it any better! Verbal can be just as bad, or worse! Not forgetting, issues I had at home, then experiencing this all through the years I was at my last school. Is it any wonder I did not look back!
With the bullying I experienced at school, because they did not give me a chance to get to know ME! meant I felt I could not be ME and GROW.
IN FACT! Bullying started in the final years of junior school, when I think about it. I remember in my dinner break, the head teacher came out with a cricket bat, stumps and ball. He wanted to play non-stop cricket with us. I was looking forward to this I remembered, but also I was dreading. Dreading because no one would want me on their team. (As usual, I would be the last one chosen.) Can you imagine how I felt? Well, I had to be on someones team. So picking me last, you STILL end up having me and I end up being in your team, whether we like it, or not.
A smug grin comes to me as I start to write the next part. It was my turn, the head teacher was bowling and I started hitting the ball and running back and forth. I don’t know how long this went on for, but it felt forever. I could not be knocked off for some time. Not only had I shocked myself, I also shocked the team I was on and the opposite team. All of them, that did not want me on their team.
I remember how my team, there were whispers of shock and they were impressed how good I was. This carried on for 5 minutes after, that I was aware of! I will never forget that smug feeling I had and thinking, but not saying, ‘shove that where the sun don’t shine.’ Remember they are impressed now, but before, no one wanted me on their team and this STILL continued all through the Comprehensive. (So they learnt nothing new and still did not want me.)
Bullying stopped, as I mentioned in another post when my Dad died. I don’t know how I got through these years of school. But I suppose it is like I have learnt through counselling for things I suffered at home, I am a survivor. That was what I had to do. Survive.
I only started to grow, after leaving school. But going into a relationship that turned out not to be great and experience abuse in that, did not help me grow as I thought I was doing. But, I did not put up with that first relationship. There was no way I was going to stay in that kind of relationship and I was lucky that I felt strong to walk out and not look back. But it wasn’t easy and I had to have some counselling for that alone.
But I am here and I am stronger than I was then. But, I would never go to school reunions. They don’t interest me and it is an area I am best avoiding. I would gain nothing out of it.