I am not broken-hearted now, as the title of this post says, but at the time I broke up, I was. Now, my heart is taken still, by the man I once loved. This guy, after over 6 years together, although I broken up with him, did not mean it was easy. For nearly the last three years of that relationship, I waited for the day we would move in together. He promised me he would move in with me, in a particular month of the year. It did not happen. He promised he would next year. Next year came and he failed to keep that promise. That year, it seemed like I was repeating the previous year as the same conversation flowed. It was like watching myself. He promised again that next year it would happen. But this time, I wasn’t going to wait. For the first time in our 6 year relationship, I did not believe him. He destroyed all the trust I had of him.
The 6 years I had been with him, during all that time, it felt our relationship was part-time. If I was unwell, I would tell him, or anything else. I would share my life with him, on the days we did not see each other. But when he wasn’t well, he never shared that.
Although I split up with him, which during that time we had a year break to think things through, he asked would I get back after that year and unlike him, I wasn’t going to promise something like that. All I could promise was that in our year break, I would not get back any sooner. In the end, I decided after our year break, I wasn’t getting back with him.
I still love him, but not as in love to get back, as he created doubts in our relationship for not being honest about the moving in part and not having answers to other questions I had, from what else he did. Looking back, as much as he said he loved me, did he really in the end?
As well as the love I still have for him of a different kind, he took my heart and all I feel is disappointment towards him. We were going to remain friends, something he said first he’d like to do, but once again, what he said and did were different.
After I split up with him, I went on to have bad depression. I wasn’t an alcoholic, but I wasn’t treating alcohol nicely. When I was able to treat it nicely, I found I would feel low afterwards, so in the end, I chose to stop drinking altogether. I have not drunk for nearly 2 years now.
I am not interested in getting with anyone else as I am happy to be single and just be me. I am enjoying do more now, than I have ever done and I want to keep that up. With the new volunteering work in mental health I am trying out, I can see after today, that I could be even more busy. This volunteer work is very early days for me, but at the moment, it still feels right. 🙂