Torn

As you know, as title of this post I written not long back: I don’t know what to make of Christmas, this year. Although I did not mention in that post who my family was with dementia, you would more likely know who, if you are a regular reader of this blog, or know me personally.  For those that missed when I first mentioned here about my aunt having dementia, it was in this post: Grief.  At the time of writing ‘Grief,’ I was feeling the grief of how it affected my family, which eventually got a little easier. The dementia how it affects a person, I felt hard to, because I had seen it before, but for my family, it is all new.

Now I am torn, as I see the effects of dementia taking hold of my lovely aunt and I feel the pain of my family around me, who are affected.

I know that as Christmas gets nearer, I still feel the same as before about it, except I do know I really don’t want to party, or have my tree up. I just want a quiet time at home, which was what I had planned anyway, with my mum, as well as us maybe seeing our loved one, if she is still with us.

I have been feeling like I am in a world of my own at times, or distracted. For those that know me well, they will have heard me say I cannot write poems to save my life. Only very rare moments have I managed to write a poem and I wrote a poem recently, to get the feelings I have out of my system. I find this seems to be the only time I can do it and not just sit down and create one. I will share this poem later with you in a separate post, called ‘Cruel Dementia.’

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7 thoughts on “Torn

  1. Dementia is a cruel illness and often ignored by society. Well done for speaking up. I am really sorry you are having this distressing experience with your Aunt. Just opt out of Christmas this year if you want to. Follow your gut! Life shouldn’t be forced. Just follow your heart 🙂 Leave your Christmas tree in the loft if you want. Rebel against conformity! You have good reason my lovely X

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