Another disappointing blow

I had to post this morning, to get it off my chest what I am currently feeling this morning, after just seeing a particular email.
You will remember via this post; Recent thoughts, I applied for a full-time cleaning job in Derby. I was not successful and so a disappointing blow once more, as this one was really a big deal for me and I could see lots of positive changes to come. I don’t want to be where I currently work and I have wanted to get out for a good few years, but yet I still feel I am going to be stuck here. If I am not successful in something I am skilled at elsewhere, then what chance do I have if I choose a completely different path?
As you know, I am having same access issues as every other year, which is currently being dealt with by the same person who dealt with it last year. Another person in the trust is now getting involved, along with her. I seen her last night and so we spoke some more, along with my colleague who she also knows. She told me it will take time, but we will deal with this, along with other issues I also mentioned and come up with something. I do have faith in her, but as I have said to her, I don’t have any faith or trust in my own department, hence I no longer want to be there. Knowing there isn’t going to be an opportunity again, for some time like the one I applied for recently and nothing else of a different nature in the pipeline anytime soon, I can only wish for a miracle, but going to work tonight is going to be very hard. I do not feel me whenever I walk in my own department, as I have the dread, anxiety creeping and low-self esteem and depression.
As I have already mentioned, I have no faith or trust with my department anymore. These feeling are valid and I have proof for those reasons which I cannot disclose here for confidentiality reasons.

When I feel low and when I find I am still stuck where I am, I wonder if I am just expired and no place anywhere.


15 thoughts on “Another disappointing blow

  1. That’s sad Liz. Feeling stuck somewhere that isn’t healthy for you emotionally is really tough going 😔😔 I’m sorry you feel so disillusioned. I can understand why you would do. I often think though from my own experience that when I think things can’t get worse and I lose hope, that something usually happens to put me back on the right track. Fall down seven times. Stand up eight is my motto. If you are doing everything proactive that you possibly can (which it sounds like you are) then if you can hang in there your reward and your solution will present itself. I’ll be optimistic for you….while it’s hard for you to be 😙😙 Hugs xx PS. I’m having a bad mental health day too. I’m having some solitude and hiding a bit xx

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    1. Thank you for your knind words. I am feeling a little bit better and while I continue to feel stuck where I am, I am trying to work on the other positive aspects. x
      Hugs back and I hope you are feeling a little better too. X

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      1. It takes a lot of strength to maintain working in a difficult environment. Hopefully if you can view it as temporary and keep doing things proactively in the background to change things your persistence will pay off. I am volunteering but getting fairly desperate for paid work. I am going to switch my mentality and just try and enjoy the volunteering without thinking of financial pressures all the time and obsessing over that. I’m glad you feel slightly relieved and better today. Xx

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      2. Yes it does take a lot of strength to maintain working in an difficult environment. I am reminding myself that I am not alone in this as a couple of people in the trust deal with the issues raised. In the meantime, looking at the job as a tempoary thing is something that has been said to me before. Also, if I want or do need extra hours, the positivity of that I will try to remember is that I can pick the area or areas that need cleaners, so I can control the situation where I know I will be ok working and also that any overtime hours is just a temporary thing too. 😊

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      3. They are all good points xxx I wish you well with it. You deserve things to go your way and I’m hopeful they will. My psychologist says to me that I should write down something to look at when I feel discouraged….”When it feels I am stuck and nothing is working out and noone is listening….just wait”. It’s simple but helpful. Waiting and going through the motions is sometimes the best and only way forward. 👊

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      4. She is really good. Sometimes it’s the simple mantras that stick in my mind, not the really complicated psychological stuff. Waiting usually yields results if it’s intelligent waiting…and you are not just praying for miracles but actually doing everything practically wise that you can to improve things and create a better future for yourself. 😊 If you want to win the lottery, you have to buy a ticket 😁😂

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