(Content warning: Swearing and talk of abuse.)
The following happened some months ago.
An old neighbour from the last street I used to live on, if we ever passed each other, we would always say hello, or some small chat. I’m sure he has seen my ex boyfriend, (the sick fucker who is now jailed,) as the way he sometimes used to speak, he would talk about others that lived not far from us, or next door to me. (Some would say nosey, but I would say neighbourly for him.) But going by his expression, he did not know my ex, which is surprise, as I had lived on that street for years.
Anyway, when I told him the sick news I discovered about the ex and knowing about how I had been in an abusive relationship before, he said, was I naive? I reacted very badly as you can imagine and I said I wasn’t naive, instead he played a very good act or whatever you want to call it.
But later in the day, this question he said about me being naive, was nearly imprinting on my mind and playing games with me. Self-doubt decided to also pay a visit and lots of questions gong round in my head; questions that either only the ex could answer. But would he? I’d fucking smack him one, before he would answer, cos I know I would blow my top in a way I have never experienced before in my life. I would be hugely triggered, if my eyes ever met him again.
But the other questions were my self-doubt questions that I had stopped before when I first discovered about the ex; questioning about past relationships, nearly asking that question, am I fucking naive and don’t know it? What is fucking wrong with me? How can I go from an abusive relationship and years after, enter another who I thought was caring, but underneath all that, he had a dark secret and turned out to be fucking like that?
But no, I wasn’t fucking naive. I can certainly answer that!