To say no

Learning to say no to something, can be the hardest thing to do. It was only a few years ago that I was able to say no to things, confidently. No did not come often in those years, because there were not many things to say no to. My first memory of confidently saying no, was at my last job. The past year, I can’t remember if I needed to say no to anything. But feeling forgetful is something that has been happening a lot this year. (But that might be another story.)

This year, since living where I am, I have come across some situations that I have said no to.
The first was to my neighbour downstairs, but I it wasn’t a complete no, as I met halfway. He asked if I would like to join him and a couple of his friends for a dinner at a local pub very near where we live. I said no to the dinner part, as budget-wise at the time, there was a possibility I would not be able to afford a dinner. But even if I could, I decided later to myself, that the dinner part would still be a no. But I would come a little later to join them over drinks. (Mine being the soft drinks, for readers that don’t know about me not drinking alcohol.) So when he knows when they will go, then I will know. That’s unless of course things have changed for him, because he has no money at the moment. All I shall say, it’s all because of Universal Credit. A system that still looks shit and leaves people in shit.

The next no was at my current workplace. I decided I wasn’t joining in their Secret Santa with the atmosphere and what I was observing and with the odd one, I have suspicions that would they be grateful what they receive anyway. So I shall be observing this one with interest.

This one is not actually saying a no, but I knew in my head this year, for my mum’s birthday, that this time I would just put money in her card. I have taken her out for meals in the past, whether cafe, or a pub. This has been either just me and her, or another friend joining in where he has also treated her. But I knew this time I wasn’t doing this, with wanting quite a lot of quietness.

I said no to something recently that I wasn’t expecting. Although I said no confidently, I did not like saying no on this occasion, as I was saying no to my uncle. Again, it was a no because I just want quiet time and it will happen before my hearing aids are sorted, so it will only cause me anxiety with the noise and what ever else that’s with me at that time.
My uncle was planning on arranging a family meal out, but he wanted me and my mum to join them. This could be counting 6, or 7 in total to this meal. That’s including me in the total.
For now, it’s too much to sit with a group, in what will be a busy pub, where we are all having our pre-Christmas get together.

I will probably be asked about this later, from my cousin. (My uncles daughter.) But it will still be a no.

4 thoughts on “To say no

  1. That’s a great achievement to be able to say no 🙂 I struggled for some time but can now say no. I had a minor falling out with a friend over this, but I told him I needed some me time and that I’m being honest.
    Its so important to put
    yourself first and to not have the added unwanted pressure of agreeing to something you don’t want to do.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, it is important to put yourself first and to not feel pressured. It’s good to be honest too and if people don’t get that, then hopefully one day they will. The problem is theirs and not ours, when we need to say no.

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  2. Yes, it is extremely important to put yourself first.

    I also recall my learning to say no. I was a definite Yes person for most of my life. When I started saying no, people were quite surprised.

    Great topic/post Liz!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can imagine when people all of a sudden say no, it can be surprising. It’s a topic I have wanted to raise for a while here. Thank you for your input too. X

      Liked by 1 person

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