You are not a burden

Depending on your circumstances, you may feel a burden to others. This could be because of a mental health, or physical health issue.

But you are not a burden.

My mum doesn’t want to be a burden. She had expressed this to me and staff members. But hopefully, by listening to me and the staff members on the ward where she is, that my mum realises that she won’t be.

From what mum told me recently, a staff member that had spoken to her, to put a long conversation short, she said, “… Mum was there for me and now it was time for me to be there for her…”

I said to mum, “By being with me, I won’t worry as much as I would have, if you were still living on your own.
I need you close to know you are ok. To support you when required, while you continue to be as independent as possible.
I want you to feel safe.”

I have had a couple say that it’s a big then by getting my mum to live with me. I am in no way offended by that comment. But when I was told by A&E staff that my mum was very unwell and to be prepared I could lose her, this decision of me and mum to live together was not a hard decision to make. In fact I did not need to think about it.

If my mum one day has to go back to her bungalow, before the time comes to us living together, I will be feeling very uneasy. I will be scared that my mum could do it again.
Mum has promised she won’t take an overdose again, because she knows how much it has hurt me. My mum can see how much it has hurt me. But the mental health team, like me, as they talk to her, need to know that when it gets difficult again, that she doesn’t try it again. There will be more talking by the different mental health team members in some way, while her medication is adjusted. The mental health team can see my mum will be better with me, then on her own. Mum has admitted that going back to her bungalow, she is not thrilled on, even though one point my mum wasn’t thrilled about staying in, after admitting her overdose.

When a family member wants to help some way, or for you to live with them for what ever reason. You are not a burden.

You may be reading this and in a position yourself where a family member has asked you to live with them and you are thinking you don’t want to be a burden to them. I would like to say that you would not be a burden, because you will be a much-loved family member. To them, you gave them support. You were there in their time of difficulties. You gave them joy and so all they want is to support you and help you in what ever way.

You are not a burden.


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12 thoughts on “You are not a burden

    1. No. Our loved ones can never be a burden and I hope with my recent speak on it to my mum, along with a worker on the ward my mum is on, that mum changes her own view and realises she will never be a burden. x

  1. Hey Liz, not sure if you know this…for different reasons, I moved in with my son, 3 years ago. It has been an adjustment for both of us, just as it would be for any 2 people living together. It has also been a wonderful journey. I have learned a lot from my son and am very grateful.
    Just thought I’d share that with ya.

    With all the beautiful transformations you have shared with us, I can envision your mum learning a lot from you too. Just by merely being in your presence. That is how we help others the best, by being our best-“self” first and becoming a reflection to others. Your doing great Liz and you have all kinds of support here. Hugs and happiness to the both of you

    1. Thank you Ren for sharing your experience living with your son. I know by my mum living one day with me that it will help her, as well as take off some pressures hopefully and that she can learn to just relax and have fun.
      I hope by my mum living in Mansfield one day, that it feels like a fresh start for her. Mum has only ever lived in Sutton-in-Ashfield and although she has had trips into Mansfield, having trips in and living in the area are two different things. I hope she likes living in Mansfield like me. Xx

  2. This is beautiful Liz. I hope you’ll both be happy. Its hard to care for someone else, so make sure you look after you too. xo

    1. Thank you Carol. It’s been hard and still is at times, but it should be easier once me and mum are under one roof. It’s only for me to keep an eye on her and support where necessary. Providing emotional support as well and help her find her feet in the new area, when we are living together, so that hopefully mum can find her paths of interests and enjoy her quality of life, while not feeling alone. I hope mum gets a lot of positive as I have done by living in Mansfield. Which I hope goes ahead without any issues, as I have written a request regarding that in a follow-up letter, which was in another post I talked about.
      Should mum need further support of some kind later, I can then keep an eye on that, while still helping to keep mum independent as possible.
      And yes, it’s important I look after me too and that has been something I have had to watch that I certainly do. Xx

      1. That’s good, I’m glad you’ve got it all figured out, your mum is really lucky to have a daughter like you care so much XX

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