Some unhelpful comments I’ve received

Just some unhelpful comments I can remember over my lifetime that I have heard, or still hear.

“Chin up”

Oh how I hate this one. I have said about hearing this, in this post, How has stigma around mental health affected you?
Depending on my mood at the time this is said, I can either be sighing and rolling my eyes inside myself, or sarcastically thinking how I could give you chin up if my fist went upwards to your chin, then you would certainly be chin up.
Surprisingly, I have never said where to stick that one, or respond in any way! But I have noticed instead, I distance myself off, like I am not there.

“Snap out of it”

Only heard this once and a very long time ago, that the memory of this one is vague to the situation.

“There is always someone off worser than you”

Oh, don’t you think I don’t know that?

But all the same, does that mean my feelings don’t count? Are my feelings worth nothing?

For years I kept my mouth shut and, did not say how I felt and it did not get me anywhere. I was silent and broken at times and I felt I did not belong in the world, because my feelings were not validated.
When I could cope more, then counseling begun, because there you are not judged.

“Oh… I have felt sad sometimes.”

OMG and eyes rolling when I got this one. My eyes were literally rolling as this was said once when I first talked about my depression and taking meds. At first, I thought she understood, but when a comment came out afterwards she said that, it clearly wasn’t the case. I even asked a question to be sure. I can’t remember my exact words now, but I clearly put this person in their place and corrected the different between sad and depression. This was the same person who was ignorant about my deafness, only a few years before.

“But that’s in the past.”

Seeing my dog get beaten, doesn’t make it go away, like it never happened, or the fear of my dad that I remember.

Being raped doesn’t make how it affects me go away!

“Think positive.”

So you think I don’t? I am doing well trying to be positive and some days are really hard to be positive, that I am tired being positive. I think I can have a day off, or two from being positive.

What comments have you received, that you found not helpful?

 

Related post:

Do you want to read up on further unhelpful comments. I found this page below, which will take you to The Mighty.

https://themighty.com/2018/08/what-not-to-say-support-mental-illness/

33 thoughts on “Some unhelpful comments I’ve received

  1. The only ones that I can think of are both from the first time I was hospitalized. I was told that Filipinos don’t have depression (🙄). and when I said, for the first time, that I was sexually abused as a child, I was told that it happened a long time ago and I should just forget it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Goodness. What rock were they under, to come out with a comment like that?

      And as for that you should forget about it, cos it was a long time ago when you were sexually abused, that was a cruel, unhelpful comment. And can be a damaging kind of comment too.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. I have not received that one, but I have heard of other bloggers get this one that you had. Again, it’s not a helpful response and yes, it would make you feel worse.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. @Nathan @Liz Sadly I have received this comment…. as if they know my life. Also, I have had people flat out tell me that they’re jealous of me in text messages! “There’s nothing to be jealous about”, I tell them. It’s like people think they know us because we share snippets of our lives with them.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Sorry to hear you have received that unhelpful comment also. Not nice to receive a text saying they are jealous of you. You right, if anyone feels jealous, they have no reason to be jealous. They need took in their own lives and correct the situation, so they don’t need to feel jealous.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m guilty for saying “chin up”’ to people, but usually this is through texting (not so much on WordPress since I don’t know the bloggers personally). However, I have probably said it without thinking twice about it. This post is really an eye-opener for me because I thought I was saying something good! 🤐

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s best to think twice. I have a friend who says it and I know he means we’ll, but I really cannot tolerate it and I am surprised I have not snapped. It’s the one I really detest, because I have heard it more often, that I really do wanna give a chin up, with a fist.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. That’s true, people don’t see the every day effects. They only see a snippet of your day and they really need to be in our shoes to see and feel the full effects.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ugh yes, so many unhelpful things to say. I actually made a note yesterday to do another blog post on these sort of comments after someone was saying to me something along the lines of ‘we should be grateful we don’t have cancer’. It reduces you’re experience down as though it doesn’t matter because ‘at least it’s not cancer’, or how ‘there’s always someone worse off’. xx

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Some people can be so utterly insensitive to others that are trying desperately to cope.
    I’ve heard all the comments you mentioned too, especially from my ex-fiance’ with whom was a royal narcissistic asshole or whole ass.
    But the one that gets to me is when I’m told I’m too or overly sensitive. “Well, excuse me, you perfect jerk! I wish I could be more like you… a 24/7 jackass who only cares about yourself.” is what I’ve said to my sister numerous times over throughout the years.
    I swear this is one of the reasons I’ve become so introverted. I can’t stand having others judge me when they have no idea what is happening inside of me.
    Obviously, this was a great post! You certainly got my attention! LOL!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your response on this and people saying to you that you are sensitive, another that is totally not the right way to speak to people who are trying their best each day. X

      Liked by 2 people

  6. People don’t realise the impact of their words. You can remember them for years to come. I wasn’t particularly happy about “how did you manage to get such a good-looking date?” when I was about 16. The date wasn’t even fun, but still who says that to someone?
    Oh, and “things are meant to be/it happened for a reason” after whatever terrible thing has just happened. I know some people get comfort from it, but I don’t.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, there are comments you can remember for years.
      A rather nasty comment you received there regarding the date. You just don’t come out with those comments at all.

      I agree things are meant to be kind of comments can either be comforting, or not. I have received those at times and my reactions have been different each time; one being comforting and the other time, it wasn’t.

      Thank you for sharing comments you have received, that you did not find helpful.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. I hate the comments that make it seem like I’ve a choice. Like why are you choosing to focus on that, or look how much you’ve to be grateful for, or do you think it was because of you. If I could do it differently I would ! And those comments negate how hard I try or that anything has changed. Sorry for ranting here…
    Love light and glitter

    Liked by 1 person

  8. “At least your grandma is still alive” is something I hear often when I tell people she has dementia. She can’t even remember me and she suffers so much and I’m supposed to be grateful about that?!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So sorry to hear you have received a comment like that. That is certainly not helpful and only adds to the pain that you and your family are going through, when looking after your loved one.
      I had an aunt who had dementia, but thankfully, I never received cruel words like you unfortunately did.
      It’s so difficult watching a loved one go through the difficulties that dementia gives and watching the family upset too.

      Liked by 1 person

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