My thoughts

I am not going to go too deep in my thoughts, but lets start with when I first decided it was time for counselling. My private one I will be having in under 2 weeks, paid for by work. (Just 6 sessions are paid for by work.) When I filled the assessment form, it required next of kin details. For the first time I wrote none, because it’s not like my mum is available as next of kin. Mum can’t decide for herself, let alone me, if something came to the worst.

Maybe you are in a similar situation of having no next of kin. Maybe you have. Do feel free to comment.

So who do you put down for next of kin, when you have no one?

I know from researching and asking for advice back in August, that I am not forced to put down next of kin. So this looks like how it will be from now on for me and where I do know I have my mum down as next of kin on my records, I may start removing.

I had to visit the ward today so I could see a staff member in charge of my mum, regarding some personal affairs, after checking on her bungalow and mail today. I hope they will be dealt with. I hope they dealt with the other, because what I was reading today made me wonder.

I chose to see my mum, but told them how I have been and am at that point I was there. I only managed 5 minutes with my mum and it wasn’t a pleasant experience. In that 5 minutes mum spoke about:

  • Germs in space
  • Wanted me to save her savings book and bank card, which I said no, because she will need that. I have saved it before, for her. But I am not now.
  • Wanted to know how I knew she was there
  • Convinced she is well
  • Told me to keep away while she’s there like she told me to before. (Even though mum has tried to make contact in between.)

Mum is very unwell in the way I expected. I don’t know when my next visit will be, but it will be no time soon. I can’t see mum being home for Christmas and I still feel like I have no mum. A feeling that I have had for some time now.

Our relationship won’t be the same again. And that’s if there will be ever one.

I still feel there is a chance my mum won’t be around by Christmas, regardless she is in a safe place. The only comfort I have, is knowing my mum is in a safe place.

Now, after this post airs, I am dealing with all the charities that ask for fucking money, or send raffle tickets to sell. Mum has not helped half of these and there are charities that I have never heard of. But whether she has helped or not, I am fucking telling them where to go. Those that know the full extent of this and what mum does, will know where I am coming from. But mum is like any other elderly person in the UK ; more fucking charity mail on her doorstep than what should be expected on her doorstep.

 

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

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34 thoughts on “My thoughts

    1. Thank you.

      It’s been damaged since July and it’s getting no better.
      If mum is going to be out living independently with support one day, mum is going to want me. But with how I feel since July that has raked up my childhoid feelings and how it’s going now she’s going to find I am hardly there, or not there at all.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I was in tears after only being able to manage 5 minutes with her. Crying and feeling like an 11 year old when I was like it then, when mum was ill. The only difference is that she is worser and sectioned, where before, it was voluntary like back in February this year.
        Now after crying I feel numb and aching, while my anger is stopping the charity mail coming through my mum’s door. (I wish I dealt with the charity back in Feb.)

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I have no idea what you are going through with your mom but I do know what it is like to be with a parent who makes you feel less than and unloved. Please know that I am sending love your way through the airwaves! right this minute…………

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I am so sorry your relationship with your Mum is so traumatic. As you say, at least you know she is in a safe place.
    I know what you mean about charities too……….. the more they get, the more they want. We were given a shopping list outside a supermarket and asked to buy at least one item thereon for the donation basket by the door. I grew mad at the request for bottles of alcohol or cans of beer, fully iced cakes, whole turkeys, and items we could not afford for ourselves let alone a charity. We do what we can when we can, but at this time of year everyone is asking for £2 a week for this, £3 a week for that, and we are simply not in a position to commit ourselves as we simply don’t have it to spare.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I totally agree with you there that you say about charities. Red Cross really piss me off as a particular charity I can narrow it down to. They can’t take a no, even though you have said no more than once trying to walk away, or close the doir on them that they actually get me that nasty, I swear. When they came knocking and didn’t take a no, I replied on that occasion that if you are not off my property in 5 seconds I am calling the police and saying how you are trespassing.

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      1. Thankfully I have not had cold calling for a long time. And that was before I struggled to hear on the phone.
        When hearing, I used to have a lot of cold caller’s from mobile companies canvassing to get me on their network. Why the heck I was getting lots of these I don’t know. But after a 6th canvasser in a month I decided rather than get angry again, I instead would have some fun.
        I listened.
        I asked questions.
        He was enjoying himself and he sounded like he was convinced he get me to sign up, cos I sounded so interested.
        We got to the nitty gritty. He asked me what I spend per month on phone.
        I said £10 per month.
        He was stuck.. Err. Err. Ahh. I can’t help you he said.
        I laughed hard and said, I didn’t think so.. Bye and put down the phone.

        No one. And I mean no phone company canvassed me after that. lol

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      2. We had three calls from the same double glazing company in one night, so on the third encouraged their sales pitch finally saying we also wanted a conservatory. Could they install one on a fourth floor flat? and as we were on benefits (we weren’t but they weren’t to know) could we pay something like £5 a month to settle the debt. For some reason, the phone went dead.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I help charity with bric and brac donations. That’s my bit.
      Thank you. I shall keep posted on the counselling front, but as I will be coming to a blogging break around that time might mean I will be filling in about that next year. X

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  2. I used to put my mom as my next of kin. Then when that relationship got quite distant I put my brother. Now I feel so distant from the whole family that if I were asked at this point I wouldn’t put anyone.

    Charities can be so inappropriately persistent, leaving you no choice but to be rude.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your input on the next of kin bit.
      I can’t see me ever putting mum on anything I fill.
      I’m not going out of my way to remove mum off where she is put. But when I am at those places, like my next GP appointment I have for example, I shall request to have her removed then.

      Yes, some charities can be so rude and when I have mentioned about how Red Cross are, it seems I am not alone.
      Another rude one was one particular chap in the shopping centre, for a cancer charity. I was giving him a very wide berth and he still came out of his way to canvas. The second time he did it in the same week, I told him to bugger off. And that was me being polite. But I was so riled underneath.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I agree with all you say there Ashley. And now Christmas is nearly coming I hope the shopping centre does not do like it did before, having three different charities ariund the centre. It’s only a small shopping centre and when it was happening last time, it was just easy to avoid the place. Mind you, the shopping centre I am referring to is where I used to live. So I doubt I will be around there anyway.

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  3. I am so sorry Liz. I understand how awful this kind of relationship and trauma can be. You need to protect tourself, and I really hope the counselling helps. It is all so very sad, butyou have my admiration for how youare dealing with it. Sending you lots of love, and hugs Liz ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Very courageous young woman to go visit your Mum and 5 minutes would be enough, very draining. As for charities I do not believe in giving to them as they seem to pocket a high percentage of the money in “Admin” Fees. I hope your counselling goes well and that you get a lot from it. I think you are doing very well yourself. Take care and bless you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you and thank you for your comment.
      I’m feeling drained from yesterday and low. I went to walk where the place would be for counselling, to make sure I knew I would find it on the day. Just taken time out rest of day, after having company from a couple of neighbours.

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      1. Yes. I just want to make it easy as I can for the day. A good job too, as took 10 minutes longer than expected to walk from where I get off the bus.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. So sad you are dealing with this during that part of the season when families everywhere are getting together. One time my husband and I were talking about starting up a meet up where people could spend time together that were in No Contact with toxic families or maybe they were just lonely. Now we never got anything started like that but we do encourage the people in our neighborhood to visit and we give them meals and gifts for the holidays so they feel less lonely.
    The hardest part about having no family to turn to is that dreaded next of contact form. I have my husband but with our children when the schools would ask for someone other then us my husband and I had to put a friends number down.
    I feel for you and I am so sorry you have this problem. Counseling will help and I hope you have many happy days headed your way in the future. I always say take each day slowly and use baby steps.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you.
      It’s certainly baby steps, as that is hard alone, but if I do more than baby steps, then it gets too hard to handle.
      I am finding it harder than expected, as I walk through town now decorated with Christmas. I am making my own Christmas though. I will just be thinking of it as a holiday as in a break from work, like any other time of the year, as it won’t certainly be anything more than that.

      I have a chit-chat post coming in 9 days, which will be my last post of this year, until I resume blogging after the New Year. It’s to avoid the Christmas stuff.

      I’m glad I have my counselling sorted, which I would update on next year, when posts resume.

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