As this post topic is a long one, of a particular nature, it would make it extremely long if I was going to chat about other topics. So I am going to divide my post into two posts. Look out for part 2 tomorrow.
- So no Christmas lunch where I try and volunteer once a month, because I had to cancel with not feeling well.
- I also had to cancel pub lunch with my neighbour and his family, due to having some results on the same day, as it was at a time close to the lunch.
- Both work places were supportive when I had a few sick days.
This was because the last time I seen my GP about my mental health, I decided at the end of the appointment to mention about a lump in my right breast that I had been aware about, for a week, or just a bit more. She checked me out there and then blood tests were taken after, with the nurse, in preparation for hospital appointment at breast care clinic. I only mentioned the lump should I one day consider buying a house, sometime in the future, otherwise I would not have raised it. I did not care. This was probably why my GP checked me there and then, with my permission.
The hospital appointment was on the 11th December, which I went on my own. I wasn’t scared, or nervous, while waiting to be seen. Seeing others with support and seeing some of them scared, or nervous, did not spark anything in me either.
In the end, after different examinations, two biopsies were taken in which I really felt the second biopsy being taken, which the nurse said it’s rare that it happens, but it can; the anesthetic not catching all the area, especially if a hard mass.
(I won’t go explaining in full what you expect at a breast clinic, because it will make this post very long and you can easily get this info elsewhere.)
I wasn’t in the evening job that same day, as instructed by staff on clinic and I did not go in my morning one, the next morning. But I went to my evening job the next night, not lifting anything heavy as advised. So one colleague I confided in, helped where needed and I took my time on this shift and didn’t overdo it.
I started feeling nausea before this shift, but I put it down to the discomfort, that was making me nausea.
The day after that, by evening, I thought I was going to throw up at one point at work. As soon as I was home and seen to the hamster, I had a glass of water and went to bed, feeling shivery.
In the early hours of Saturday morning I was retching. Nothing to sick up obviously, with not having anything to eat previous evening.
When I got up later, I just had a banana and took paracetamol. But in under ten minutes, I threw that up.
Feeling at times, shivery still and not good at all, it was time to walk in Primary Care.
I was there till late afternoon. I could go once I got my blood test results, which shown I was fighting an infection. But whether it was down from biopsy site, they did not know. (My biopsy site was ok on examination.)
I left with a prescription for antibiotics as a precaution and so had to wait till they was ready. But not before I had issues with that.
Oh and it gets better… I went back to hospital on the following Monday as this doctor told me to (and also a triage nurse,) back to the breast clinic, because they said they will want to see me. Without them from Primary Care referring me, they could not see me, so breast care clinic advised me to go round there and tell them how they have left me in limbo. Saying how they know what paperwork they need to fill in to do this. So I did that. Spent this time till just after lunchtime before leaving Primary Care and all for wasting my time. I was very frustrated and I was angry. The doctor who was not the same one from before, I apologised for getting angry to, but basically I told this doctor I am angry because I am tired, I could have stayed at home, where I wanted to be, curled up on the settee. But instead, I did what the doctor told me to do, that I seen Saturday and also a triage nurse. I pointed out in case he thought I heard all this wrong, that I got the doctor to clarify this more than once with me. I also asked him a question and got the same answer and on my way out, seen the triage nurse from before and asked her a question, which all led to same thing, breast clinic will want to see me.
I also pointed out that the doctor I seen on Saturday gave me wrong antibiotics originally. I told him, I can’t remember in what way, as I can’t remember what my original prescription said. But pharmacy told me that they had to contact him to give me the right ones I needed, because he gave wrong ones. And also how he sent me down to pharmacy knowing full well they are closed, so I had that as well.
Me and this doctor then chatted a little more, regarding symptoms to look out for, should I feel worse and what to do in the meantime and I left just after lunchtime.
I have no issues with my breast care clinic. But those two that I seen on Saturday in Primary Care, as polite as they both were, I have a problem with them, when they send me on a journey, that gets you nowhere.
All I wanted to do was stay at home and I could have done that, had they not done that.
If they don’t know their own procedures of how it all works in their own departments, then they need to learn.
My results of biopsies were on the 23rd December. The results turned out to be all fine. I went on my own to this as well and this was the only time I felt a bit of nerves. (20 minutes before my appointment time, to be exact.)
Up until this point, I felt nothing about the whole journey and I still didn’t care. It was only nerves I felt. Not fear of the results. Although I felt a little relief when, I knew I would be fine.
It was like I put a wall up. I would deal with it when and if the worst was going to happen and, until then, there really was no point thinking and feeling anything, is probably what it boiled down to. This was something I found difficult to uncover why I was as I was, when chatting with my counsellor about it.
I also had a phrase I dusted off, “shit happens.” I have not used that phrase in a long time. I had no expectations that this year was going to get any better, so if “shit happens,” I’m not set up for further disappointment.
To start with, I kept who knew as small as possible between knowing when I was going for a biopsy, until I got my results, for simple reason it was easier for me that way. It meant I knew I wouldn’t have to repeat the same information over and over again, to everyone in my circle.
I already had no energy to give after with what has happened with mum and how that affected me. I had no energy in informing people of my happenings, or seeing the look on their faces had I told them and seeing concerning looks on their faces. I had to focus on ME.
So those that knew were bosses of both jobs, because they needed to know why I am off sick.
One colleague only in my evening job, in case there was a point I needed assistance at work, which in the end I had to when it came to any heavy lifting at the time I wasn’t allowed to do it for a very short time.
My volunteer place, because I couldn’t make their Christmas lunch, with falling ill after biopsy.
My counsellor, in which if the worst happened, then a plan between me and her was in place.
And my neighbour below, because I had to cancel Christmas lunch with him and his family, because results now landed on this day and clashed.
I told my friends and work colleagues when I got my results, either on the same day, or a bit after, depending on when I got round to it.
Had the news been different, (bad news), I would not have said anything to anyone, until after the New Year.
Look out for Chit-chat catch up – part 2 of 2, tomorrow.
© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.
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