My feelings – Part 5

Since last post, My feelings – Part 4. I have felt :

  • Anger (But not as to the level I last experienced in my 20’s, that I had up to this month, from December.)
  • Anxiety
  • Tension

The tension I noticed was related to my anger.

The anxiety was brought on by a particular conversation via email, from my mum’s social worker.

I have had a couple of down days, but they have not been bad and an odd tired day. But My Vision Board and Gratitude Wall has helped me to keep going and stay focused.

 

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

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21 thoughts on “My feelings – Part 5

  1. Hi, Liz.
    I’m actually happy I went back a read “My Feelings” all parts up to this point. Thank you for instructing me to read them.
    Your opening up about avoidance and reading a pasta box made me laugh because this is what I go through something quite similar while shopping. When I food shop, I know first hand what I need, I also know what aisle’s to hit in order to get in/out as fast as humanly possible. I doubt highly I would bounce into someone I know, but I just want it over with, like pulling a band-aid off.
    I wish I could actually “Really” write what I am feeling since December 20th with regards to my so-called family. However, I refrain because of the backlash that comes from it.
    I have felt literally sickened by this ordeal with them. I do love my mother, but she broke the rules to the boundaries thing. She shares everything I say to her with my sister and brother-in-law. She twisted things up so poorly, that if my sister could, she’d kill me. Meanwhile, when I set the boundaries in place, that also included that I didn’t want to know about them either. (That didn’t work either).
    I used to consider my mom my best friend. In this scenario, I feel as if I lost my best friend and part of the mother/daughter relationship as well. It has hurt me in ways I can’t even describe.
    I so appreciate reading your entries because you list them in categories, meaning… Anger, anxiety, sadness, the blackness of depression, etc…
    Two Monday’s ago, I contacted my mother who is still in rehab since December. My anger was peaked but I remained as calm as I could when speaking to her. I flat out told her that our entire family is a long line of liars and she is the one playing with our lives by sharing information, and for that matter, screwing up the information in the first place. I was actually looking for absolution and admittance of these lies she said about me or to me. This was something in the making for nearly four years now. When she finally apologized to me, I told her I could no longer speak to her daily for reasons that would trigger me. My own anger, rage (in fact), anxiety, nightmares, depression, (the abyss of thinking suicide again, but not acting on it).
    When I hung up the phone, I went to my roommate who has been through this since the beginning. I told her what I had said, and she asked me… “So you feel any better?”, my answer was, “Yes.” I had finally received an apology.
    However, I am still dealing with all these feelings inside of me.
    LOL!
    I’m taking up so much room here on your comments, but I wasn’t able to leave a comment on your older posts. Sorry that this is so lengthy.
    Again, I’m happy I read the “Feeling” segment of how you are coping. Another funny thing we have in common is setting ourselves up in order not to move off our seats once we are down. You and your water jug, and me with a case of lime seltzer by my side every evening. I did get a chuckle after reading that.
    It’s quite comical in a sense of how much we all have in common when it comes to our mental health. Thank goodness we all have one another to share and discuss things with.
    God Bless You, Liz. 😍😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and leaving a comment. Posts older tjan 50 days close automatically. I used to have it at 90,but changed it to close sooner since beginning of this year. Odd posts may get closed sooner, depending.

      Yes, I am same as you knowing my way around the food aisles. It comes in handy if you need to get out quick.

      Family is draining that you have been through, with it coming from different angles. I can understand the part where you feel you have lost the mother/daughter and best friend relationship with your mum. As you may have seen, or about to see, depending on where you catching up from, I have had to cut ties with my mum for different reasons to yours. I hope it won’t be a permanent thing, but it all depends on mum taking responsibility for her own mental health and wellbeing and using tje people around her.
      I am having updates, which mum now has a social worker after me requesting for one, for mum. Mum is still sectioned and unless some big change has happened since November when I last seen her for 5 minutes, I doubt she will be discharged anytime soon.

      Yes, good community on WordPress, knowing we are not alone in our feelings. I hope my posts helped in somevway that you read. Some were difficult to write, while trying to get my head around what I was feeling. Xx

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      1. Feelings certainly are a tricky little bugger. Just when you think you’re doing okay, something comes along and messes with your head.
        When my roommate came home, we went to grab some dinner before going to the store. All I needed was pears and bananas. I’m trying hard to eat healthy even though it cost an arm and a leg to do. LOL!
        I don’t want to cut ties entirely with my mom, it’s just that the conversations have to be kept to myself to some degree.
        I don’t trust the rest of my family as far as I can throw them.

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      2. When conversation is shared with rest of the family when you only expected it stay between the two of you, then yes, not trusting is bound to happen. Cutting down communication as you have done, although hard, you done the right thing for you. It’s the matter of seeing how thiings go, whilr looking after you. Xx

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      3. Hello, Liz… I’m so sorry for the late response.
        I was out the entire day today and this is the first time I’ve pulled up my blog.
        Thank you kindly for your suport and wisdom in sharing through your example. It really means the world to me.
        God Bless You!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Blessings, I’m glad your vision board and gratitude wall is working well. Keep up the good work. The best part is when we work toward making our days better.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I wanted to leave a quick note to thank you for following Daily Ramblings. I have a rule to follow whoever follows me. I look forward to getting to know you through your work. Drop by Daily Ramblings anytime, there’s always a cup of coffee, tea, or your favorite beverage waiting. Until next time…~Dave.

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