My feelings – part 7

So this post of my feelings, is all related to the Coronavirus. I just hope, as I write and dissect my feelings here, that it’s not confusing for you, as I am trying to work out myself what is going in on my own head.
But I thought I would write it, because as well as helping me, it will probably help you too. Maybe you will relate as well.

Some of it you will have read before in my earlier posts, but as you progress, there will be new.

Ok. So here are go…

So… as you know, I am 100% angry of the selfish hoarders, stockpiling more than they need. Showing they are only thinking of themselves.
You know from this, I am concerned just how many elderly and vulnerable, will still be vulnerable.

As you also know, since all this started, I have said how I was more worried about people’s reactions, than the virus itself. I also said I wasn’t worried catching the virus, even though I have asthma and deemed high risk.
But I was worried about the elderly and vulnerable catching it. Including my mum.

Now, the following is new thoughts and feelings since. Let’s see how I do writing this.

A couple of days ago, I started to feel panic. Now bearing in mind this panic is creeping in for the first time, yet I am still not worried about me getting the virus.

I have changed tatics too, since that day the panic came in.
I chose to walk to my evening work, rather than sometimes catching the bus that I sometimes do. It’s not far anyway.
I did this because I thought, I would feel safer to walk than be enclosed in, on the bus. Reduce the risk.
So to say I had these thoughts and feelings these past couple of days and I have no fear of catching it myself, I am confused of that panic I felt and my new tatics.
I must say though, I did go on the bus this morning, back home. I didn’t panic. I felt fine. But this evening, I walked and I will do the same tomorrow. Both ways.

I have been feeling down odd times still, since last week and I crave the weekend for peace and quiet at home. Speaking of which, I have decided I am not going to join in with the local litter picking this Saturday. I just want to be a hermit at home.

Tonight at work, I have become upset.
A work colleague texted me to let me know I would need to let my boss know about me having asthma, with it being classed high risk. Which I know I am high risk since this all began. She is off work herself now because they wouldn’t let her continue to work because of her condition being high risk.
She reassured me I would still be paid my full wages, if they decide the same with me. So I am glad about that. But here’s the but for me.
I understand that they are protecting their employees, but I am hoping they let me continue to work. Work is my therapy. It always has been. I am happy to continue working.
If I had still been working at the hospital, I’m sure my feelings would be different and I probably would have been scared too of the virus.
Me having asthma is no big secret and when I had huge problems with it last year, they knew of my troubles with it, so I am surprised really that they haven’t come to me first, rather than the other way round, if I should have said.
So tonight, I sent an email to my boss, which was a pleading one on why I need to continue to work. So he will see this tomorrow if he is at work. Which I think he will be. But if not, then our other boss is attached to this email too, so she will see it as well, as they share their workload between them.
So tomorrow, I will probably learn of my fate whether they will let me continue, or not. I’m not sure if it’s them in the end that makes that decision, or someone else.
As I say, I am aware it’s to protect me. But I really need to work. It’s my therapy. So I feel upset right now, at the possibility of not beingable to continue, until this virus all blows over.
Because of doing this, in this job, I have messaged my other employer now, to remind him of my asthma, in case he has a similar procedure. So my message is of the same pleading kind.


© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

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20 thoughts on “My feelings – part 7

  1. Being angry at the headers only hurts you. It’s like a boomerang. You try to let go of that negative energy while it festers up inside of you, only for it to come back and hurt you.

    The hoarding is awful and the gov threatened to do something about it. Here, people are limiting the number of products individuals can by at a time to try and combat this problem. COVID-19 is definitely brining or the worst in people. 🙄

    1. Yes, so true what you say. Luckily my anger with them only appears when I am writing about it. Or witnessing the hortors if them just grabbing stuff without thought. Which thankfully I haven’t. Just read.
      Shops have put limits on items.
      The virus, as you say us definitely bringing the worst out in people.

      1. As long as we continue to self-isolate and do our part, we should be OK. The good news is that these stores are getting new stock and we have even seen toilet paper reappear in some stores. People are still hoarding but shipments are still coming. It will be okay; please stay strong and healthy Liz! 🧘‍♀️🌱

  2. I think that was a good decision to let them know you’re high risk. I hope you’ll be able to continue working; by taking appropriate precautions you should be able to prevent getting infected.

    1. My colleague who can’t work did not realise she had to inform, hence her letting me know. She’s older than me with a more serious breathing condition.
      With me working in a hospital one time for years as a cleaner, I know the importance of hand washing. I am very good with my hand washing technique and compared to the hospital, I don’t feel I am anymore at risk than what I feel currently just being out and about in public space. So I am hoping that I find I can continue.
      I shall update on this in my weekend post, if I know.

  3. My susternis the same asbyou Liz. Work is her therapy. She can’t manage if they force her tobtake abholiday. Shenjust can’t bear it. I hope that your employers let you work

    1. I am hoping so too. I am aware of the risk. But I see I am no more at risk than being in public space because of when I am shopping.
      I have reduced my risk by choosing to avoid public transport. So I walk, rather than confined on bus.
      Yes, I know I can do those things I shared in a post, when sharing another bloggers post, but I have plenty hours do that in between my job, plus weekend when I stay at home.

  4. Emotions are high & very scrambled for all at the moment, there is no certainty left therefore panic has taken over. I too am angry at the people who are stockpiling but I also understand it is their way of coping… My plea is to all – please be considerate. I work in a care home & my residents do not have enough food, I am extremely worried for them & others in the same position… 💕

      1. It is, especially when most of the residents don’t understand what is happening around them… But as I keep saying – we will get through this 🤞👍

  5. My heart goes out to you. I hope your employers work with you, and that things work out. Sending love and concern, hope you have a good weekend. 💛

    1. Thank you. I shall update on this in my weekend post, which I am airing Sunday this time, than my usual Saturday.
      I plan to stay in this weekend. Enjoy yours. X

  6. I can relate to everything you have written here. It is so hard to have to change ones lifestyle. It is very unnerving. I hope we all get back to our normal life soon. Stay safe and I hope you get to keep working since you really enjoy that. Maybe they can be extra careful around you with social distancing and wearing masks…I don’t know. It is a strange time for sure.

    1. Thank you for your comment. I shall be updating on this in my weekend post, which I am later posting than normal. It will air in the morning.
      Yes, this virus is causing anxiety on different levels for all of us. I think we will have this for a next couple of months myself. But that’s my personal opinion of it. It’s the unknown isn’t it, that can easily get to us?

      1. Yes, that is true. I am calling this the red monster, it is the stuff of nightmares, but then in our family we got a taste of things a little early since we have family in Northern Italy. Think we are all still in shock.

      2. Yes. I can’t believe it myself that this is happening, as much as I know it’s real and it is happening.

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