Happy to sad and back again

So without trying to go into much detail and make this post long. If you have been following for sometime, you will know it has been a very difficult time, for some time, with my mum and how it’s affected me during that course.

Part of the afternoon, (just 2 hours abouts) it was a whirlwind of emotions.
During that time a fair bit of communicating earlier in the day to after lunch in parts. I decided with communicating to my mum’s Social Worker about it, that I was going to take on responsibility of mum’s financial affairs. I wasn’t going to let the council do it because in the end I would have no say. But as Social Worker also mentioned, it wouldn’t have been personal, like it would if a family member took charge. So Social Worker is happy to hear I will take it on. So I will be applying for Court Of Protection.
Court Of Protection has to happen with there being no Power of Attorney and a Power Of Attorney can’t be done now, because mum doesn’t have the mental capacity.

Although I will get eventually reimbursed, due to this, the hoping of having a house deposit by middle of next year is not going to happen. I shall have to see what the year after brings, because I know from already reading about Court of Protection, that there is a fee each year. I don’t know if that would come out of mum’s, or mine. But I will learn as it happens.
The fee is higher the first year, because of the support you receive for the role. I may talk about that experience later, when the time comes. Or I may not. It’s starting to feel even more of a very personal journey. Not just for me. But mum too. So it more will likely be the part I won’t talk about here.

So the 2 hour window of emotions came on as soon as I knew I would take it on. I went from feeling good and happy, to sad. A quick headache appearing. Sadness turned to tears, for the reality biting more, that mum will never be as independent as I would like and the nursing home being only option where mum will be.

Mum’s Social Worker is supporting me where required. She advised how I could proceed, via two ways.
I could do it myself online, or if I find it difficult, then to use a solicitor, although extra costs would be involved.
I tried the link and looked at the forms and procedures, for where I could do it myself and it felt very daunting and I wasn’t feeling confident with it. So I enquired with two solicitors.
First one, after reading their email, regardless my savings would cover, my heart was sinking as I totalled the fees. Some of these fees could go up, or it was minus the VAT. I knew my dream home wouldn’t happen next year, because it was going to gobble most of my savings. (Although before all this, I wondered if it would happen anyway.) But now, it’s definitely not.
The second solicitor was more clearer than the first. There were no grey areas and would work out cheaper.
Still expensive. But cheaper and I was feeling very relaxed reading this email. So the happy face returned. So the second solicitor will get the job.
Yes, it may cost more this way than trying it myself. But it will be less stressful and I will feel reassured. I can concentrate on other things.

I was going to buy Christmas presents this year, for friends. But now, I think I have to give it a miss this year. So I hope you are reading this, so you are all aware. It saves me letting you know individually. So let’s just stick with Christmas cards again.
This is going to be a slow process. So I need to focus on this, instead of shopping for presents. I know you, my friends will understand.

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19 thoughts on “Happy to sad and back again

    1. They were more reasonable my second choice and a solicitor I have used before. Just not the same branch. But I felt much better after reading that email.
      I was prepared to look at a third, had they gave me a nasty shock as the other one did. But didn’t need to. So I shall sleep well tonight, than I thought I would originally. But I am up later than planned, so a nap will be called for tomorrow, to get me through the day.
      I am just lucky I have savings, otherwise I would have had to given it to the council, as no way would I took out a loan.

      1. I surprised myself Friday, sifting through all mum’s mail from November to that day. I was just in business form.
        With how I was last year, at a place I never been before, I thought I did not have it in me for that. So I knew I needed to take on mum’s finances. And mum would have wanted that too.

      1. Thank you. Yes, I need to make sure I always keep I may pace now and awareness for breaks, or slowing down before I desperately need it, to keep things at a steady, emotional, pace.

  1. You never fail to think ahead, but the mere thought of Christmas sends a brick wall up in front of me. I can’t even go there. And I don’t have the things you’ve got going on right now to deal with. I’ll be honest – I’ve no idea how this stuff works or what’s involved, least of all the cost side of things. I’m not surprised some of the process is daunting, it’s a lot to take on. I really do hope you get the support you need from social and elsewhere during this, because it’s not something you should have to do. I can see why you’d prefer it this way, and I would have done the same, but if ever you feel confused with something or like it’s getting too much, I hope you can feel able to speak up. Please go easy on yourself, Liz. It’s a lot to take on and I know you’ll do brilliantly sorting everything out, from the paperwork to the financial adjustments for yourself. Hopefully you can get a bit of downtime this week in between work and other things just to decompress. xx

    1. Hi Caz. When I was discussing it with a colleague because of my glum face on entering the building to seeing a more happy face later, she said why can’t youvdo it, if it will save you money?
      I said because it’s confusing daunting several bits of paperwork, the 3 people minium I would have to put down and chase as part of doing this to get Court of Protection.
      Where as, if I allow a solicitor to do it, I have a person to guide me, I am sat down while giving this information, no form filling, no chasing and I now feel relaxed, knowing I have found a solicitor. Yes, more to pay, but I have no worries to wonder if I am doing anything wrong with the proceedings and someone who I can ask questions if needed.

      I shall set out early to mum’s Saturday, as walking there. So that’s some miles. I plan to bring her boxes back. Shouldn’t be much extra to pack with mum packing ready to move originally.
      Then a friend who I am paying for their time and petrol will meet me there anytime after lunch, to bring it back to mine. The bulky stuff, i.e furniture, will be dealt with later.
      I know with this on my plate, unless it’s with one of my current employers, the third job I wanted mid-morning is not an option with a different employer. I wouldn’t be able to keep up with communicating with an extra employer and keeping track of my annual leave entitlement.

      Christmas is when I would usually start now. Buying a present once a month, so it doesn’t cut into my budget. Plus no stress last minute rushing, buying and wrapping.
      But with this, because it will take months before even getting that paper from Court of Protection so I can take control of her finances and focusing on this. It’s just not an option. I don’t need unnecessary distraction.
      But hopefully, I will at least join in with Secret Santa this year at work, if they are all doing it still.

      I will get downtime from Saturdsy afternoon, until back at work Monday.
      Come Wednesday, I have annual leave coming up in my evening job. So I shall focus on me.

  2. It’s terrible the cost of solicitors and the fact that you have to pay. I would have thought that should come out of your mum’s money as it’s all being done for her? I feel for you and I can imagine the length of those online forms and how daunting it would be. I think you’ve done the right thing in getting a solicitor, despite the cost.

    1. I will be able to reimburse myself when I am allowed. Whether that is for all, or part, not sure. But to start with, until you get access, you have to pay first.

  3. Sad, indeed.
    People totally overdo with Christmas gifts anyway. I really do not like this time in North America, I’m in Canada. Used to be my most favorite time in Europe. Here it’s crazy and simply silly.
    Any legal help is so expensive. Ask why. When somebody is already suffering, they get you down completely.

    1. I know the first solicitor I enquured with, as good as they are, prices were shocking. But some areas were not clear, so could have been more.
      The one I am using, more clearer and more reasonable for the trouble on my behalf, but yes, expensive. If I had no savings for this, then I wouldn’t have been able to take it on, meaning it would have been the council, beck I would not have got a loan, then I would have had no say.
      Mum wouldn’t want anyone else touching her money.

      Yes, Christmas can be crazy. I agree. Can be so over the top.
      My gifts are usually small and this year would have been no different. But with what I am dealing with, I can’t afford to risk spending on presents this year, or be sidetracked. I need to focus on this.

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