As you know during the time I have written this blog, if you have been a long time follower here, I have learnt and practised giving myself self-care.
I have learnt as an introvert that I must have ‘me time,’ so I can feel recharged, without feeling guilty for that. But the additional practice of self-care I would talk about here, was an additional learning curve. Things I do are either what I have come up with, or what I have thought, ‘oh that’s a good idea,’ when reading other people’s blogs on self-care.
Before the issues with mum’s mental health decline, I learnt about finding the balance for me, as part of self-care.
A little slip up didn’t hurt. But if I totally neglected myself, then the way I would feel and possibly behave, would be that reflection of not looking after me.
Last year, I had given only a little time for me, but I let it slide more, because of worrying about mum and looking after her.
Eventually, when mum decided to start pushing away part of a care team, that did not go down well with me. Tensions showing. I certainly made it known to mum, that living with me one day, when originally we were going to do this, that throwing away her care team, was definitely not part of the deal. She needed to still work with them, because although they were there for her, I felt supported too, because I knew I could approach them if need be.
It was soon after this, when further changes with mum’s mental health for the worst, that I was starting to not have the energy, or motivation for me, let alone anyone else and my mental health declining as well. Then as you know, I had to have a temporary break. Mum’s support team being made aware of this and so keeping an extra eye on her, while I concentrated on me.
I wasn’t long being in a place I thought I would never be and that was being suicidal myself.
I got my own private support due to the counselling provider on the NHS failing me, yet again. (Same as before: disability access issues.) I will always use this private counsellor from now on, whenever I need her.
The temporary break, turned into a longer break and without pressure, after being contacted by her Social Worker this year, I got involved a little, because the choices being made for mum, in her life, were very important decisions.
With mum not expressing her feelings in those decisions due to her mental health decline, then it was better if someone who knew her better than them, to make those important decisions, if possible. Those important decisions being preferences/her wishes if she had any, regarding care homes.
Now, as you know, I am in the process of filling in necessary forms for Court of Protection, with the help of a solicitor, to look after her financial affairs. A new learning curve in my life, that I never thought I would have to do.
I know I don’t have to do it, but there is no way the council are going to be in charge of looking after her finances, due to being no one ekse.
Mum always trusted me with her money, when need be. So I feel I have the duty to, because I know this is what mum would have wanted.
There are then changes at my evening job and they keep changing still. I have not got a clue anymore as in what I should be doing, because of my memory.
Let’s not forget recently when I posted about communication issues there.
So this area is stressful in my life too.
We still have too much to do and with changes happening again, it’s not just me that doesn’t have a clue and getting stressed. Regardless boss saying to us, do what you can with an ever growing area in front of you, it still doesn’t help. Especially when we are in a time as we are where cleaning should not be neglected and I feel it is, because of what we can’t do. That’s not my way of working at all.
I actually can’t wait to be on annual leave, from this job at the moment, with how I feel.
Due to new responsibilities coming my way and as I have shared recently, I have created an extra system in what I do to help with possible future queries, issues, as well as when I fill in forms as part of my deputy duties, when that time comes.
I have slowly slipped in the last few weeks for me, because of focusing on this system and the other things I have had to do in between. Not forgetting also mum’s missing items.
It’s a reminder to me how easily it can happen and a reminder to focus on me and make sure I take time, for me.
So I am making sure I find and practice finding my balance again, on my self-care.
© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.
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