As much as I have looked forward to my future, I still feel the same.
What’s the point working for something hard, for it to slip through your fingers?
The idea of buying a house remains a dream. I am in no position to make it real next year. Without that dream being reality. The other I have of growing my own food, to save money, does not happen.
As much as I have changed my goals to make it more achievable, something comes to take it away.
And now after looking today, that dream slips further away, because now I need to save more than my original plan.
Do I just say fuck it and rent a house instead? I don’t want to be in this flat longer than a year, let alone 2 plus years?
As much as I love my mum, I still feel the same that she should not have had me. And that is why I will never have children. I won’t pass on the same fucked life I have had. And it would have happened, had I already had a child. Just minus the dad part that I had.
Evening work is too much. Its tiring me and I don’t want to work there no more. I feel like the other cleaners now, who felt like that already when I first started. I feel dread in going.
And my morning job, the communal toilets I clean, there’s one lot of toilets that the way I find them, it’s being done deliberately. No respect for other businesses that have to use the toilets and it makes me feel low and worthless.
I think why bother?
Post that follows on from this:
© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.
Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated.