So, in The day that comes when it’s time to leave this earth. I won’t fight it. I revealed how I still feel.
For some of you that know me well, may have found that hard hitting to read. It may have shocked. But this is how I feel and have felt for some time. Its not a daily thing. But when these feelings crop up, they come up dam hard and strong.
When I written that post earlier today, I written and aired it on one of those dam hard days, to show my readers and to try and be honest when it comes to bad days.
Now the positives I do think of and remind myself of, when I have these difficult, or dam hard days. The following positives to coincide with previous post I shared. So you will need to read the previous, to get where I am coming from now.
I am just going to save
I am not going to think about my end goal. My dream. This is because it is slipping much further away. Its not going to happen in the next year and not going to happen in 2 years either. But I don’t know after that. I am just going to save and watch my savings grow. I won’t think of the dream, until I am there at that point of savings. I am not going to look at any goals set before. They are gone. I am just going to watch my balance.
I am only focusing on today
I am only focusing on today. Alot has been focusing on the future, from last December to now. Focusing on the future and the dream was really good for me, as it gave me an incentive to keep moving forward. But now that dream, is just a dream, so I can’t focus on this now.
I have to focus on present. I have not given up on my dream. But I have to stop focusing on something that isn’t going to happen in the next 2 years, or more. It’s not having a positive effect on me anymore, because I feel stuck. Feeling stuck, while everything else that is going on, makes me feel worse.
Focusing on today, is all I can do, to make things easier.
I’m halfway there
I have the job I always wanted to work for, even if its getting tiring and draining.
I have my morning job, the additional job to help me get by, money wise and to be comfortable.
Both are good employers, I remind myself.
I just want that house!
I am valued by both, regardless of the company that has no respects of communual toilets it shares and those who use it, or clean it.
How they leave the toilets shows what they are like. Not me.
Where I live may be looking more longer than planned. But I am going to have to get used to it. I can’t afford to move renting wise and mentally, I couldn’t tackle another upheaval.
I have to remember the views I fell for.
The connections I have with some of my neighbours since. Something I feel is rare to find.
Also, they are happy knowing I ain’t going anywhere anytime soon.
I shall keep doing, what I am doing; the chats outside with these two neighbours. The cuppa with one of them, at mine.
Focus on enjoyable things
I have my hamster. But I don’t plan to have anymore after him, or any other pet while living here. The flat is too hot for that.
Enjoy my dvd’s.
Enjoy company of neighbours, as mentioned.
Try and get back into old hobbies that have been pushed aside.
Maybe start a new one.
These are just some of the things I tell myself, at times like this, to keep going.
© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.
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