I feel what I want in life, as a start to make things better has just slipped away, hence I can only focus on the day in hand. Looking ahead does not feel bearable to look at. I can only cope with today. It’s painful to look any further ahead than that.
For at least 4 years, I will live where I currently live. I am not happy about this and it doesn’t bear thinking. But for at least 4 years, staying where I am, will be easier than moving during this time, due to certain circumstances. Hopefully after then, maybe my dream of owning my own home can be a achieved, when time comes ready to move. But again, putting my heart and effort into this as I once did before, is not bearable. I save. Yes. That’s it. But for what I save for and looking how far away I am from my target, I don’t do now. I find it unbearable. I will just save.
Although I am on the council waiting list still, due to Coronavirus, means that is at a standstill. But I have been asking myself, do I want to move even into a council flat right now, that looks the same as the one I am in now? And, do I want to move from where I currently know what goes off, both good and bad, to possibly somewhere that could be worse? (I am thinking what my neighbour I am pals with has had to contend with over the years here, as the only council property in this block. They have it worse than me.)
I am thinking that right now, unless I was ideal for a bungalow, which I am not, then I don’t think I want to move right now on that basis with them.
The only thing that would possibly change it, if a particular flat comes up, which is rare when it does and popular, that then, I would apply and look, if I was lucky.
I have this not so reassuring thing going on in my evening job, as I mentioned in my Chit-chat August post. So unless our boss can reassuringly say to me, that something will be worked out to keep me on my current hours to clean, or to clean afternoons, I won’t be waiting otherwise to find out.
Then I have my new responsibility to come and that’s being deputy, when it happens.
Blogging I can always see me doing currently. But blogging will eventually end here at WordPress and off back to Blogger I will go. So my future updates from the New Year will be there.
My new blog is already visible as you know.
So to find out what goes on in my life and anything else I blog about, you will need to follow there.
I will only be on WordPress when reading and commenting on blogs I follow.
So day by day is all I can do. Today only. Not tomorrow, or later.
© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.
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