Double heartbreak

As you know from my last post, I had heartbreak on the Sunday when discovering two family members died. A friend came to take me down to where flowers had already been laid, so I could see for myself what I had read. I can’t believe I won’t be seeing their smiles no more. That is what I will remember first about them; their smiles. I used to stay over when I was a kid, either at the weekend, or for a few weeks. I loved my time with them.

R.I.P. Sandra and Michael.

You were both taken too soon. You were not ready to go yet, as you had many more years to enjoy together.

“You were much-loved by me as you know and it comes as a shock to me and my mum; Doreen, that you have gone. You have been taken early. I find this so hard to take that you both won’t be around smiling. May you be together and smile down on the people you loved.

Love Elizabeth and Doreen Fisher”

flowers and note I left

Advertisements

Another D.I.Y. retreat. (With sadness.)

I had another D.I.Y. retreat, last Saturday to Sunday, to give myself some self-care and timeout after issues at work, the PIP assessment that I worked myself up over prior and in preparation for when I had my extraction on my tooth. I allowed myself access to technology this time, but it was limited and my mobile phone remained on, in case of emergencies.

My menu was how I originally planned it, before I knew I was going to do one and although I had a schedule for the two days, I did not plan it out into too much details as in regards to the time for everything.

Saturday schedule

  • Breakfast – 8.30am
  • Read a book for an hour or so. (10 mins on internet)
  • “Dance That Walk Cardio Party” DVD – 10.30am (an hour)
  • Lunch – 12.30
  • DVD: “Don’t be afraid of the dark,” followed by reflect and then relax with a book till dinner.
  • Dinner – 6.30pm
  • Relax in bath before bed, at 9pm. (I also used one of my face masks at this point, while in bath.)

Saturday menu

  • Cereals at breakfast
  • Lunchtime: Quorn balls with tinned tomatoes, tinned chickpeas and mixed veg. (Serve what I need and separate the rest into portions to freeze later when cool.)
  • Sardine sandwich at dinner

 

Sunday schedule

  • Breakfast – 8.30am (I stayed in bed till 9.30am, so breakfast was about 10am.)
  • Free time in, or out.
  • Lunch 12.30
  • DVD: “Exit Wounds.”

My Sunday schedule then stopped, because I was heartbroken. I seen on my timeline about a couple that died in Meden Vale, but names had not been announced. After looking online at my local paper, the names were announced; Sandra and Michael Dangerfield. They were apparently died at the scene, after a collision with a car. I am devastated. A good friend of mine took me to where flowers had already been laid, as in the news link above. I had to see for myself. There was a photo of them both with someone else. This confirmed for me they had both gone. They were taken too soon and I hope the investigation going on uncovers what happened there.

When I arrived home, I just spent a bit of time on Facebook, while having a scented candle lit and mugs of tea.

Sunday menu

  • Cereals at breakfast
  • Jacket potato with parsnip and veg, for lunch.
  • Just a scone I could stomach and a few mugs of tea, due to above mentioned.

 

 

PIP assessment

Yesterday’s post did not mention my PIP assessment I had, as I did not want to drag away from what I was feeling that night in the previous post. It was a long day for me yesterday, as I was up at 5.45am. I was going to get up at 6am, but when I woke up then, I thought I’d get up. I was surprised I wasn’t tired with lack of sleep, but obviously, by the end of the night, I was knackered and drained by the time of the work scenario.
I was up early, as I had to compensate setting out earlier than normal as mum was coming with me this time. So I wasn’t alone.
When we arrived in Nottingham and literally around the corner from the place of where the assessment would take hold, we had a hot drink and a little something to eat, till it was nearer to time for my appointment. I did not lose my way this time and for going the right way this time, I could see there was more options to visit till appointment time. The cafe we had chosen was Tuckers, which was opposite the Kitty Cafe. The staff were nice and welcoming and we actually went back there after my assessment for lunch, before making our way home.

As you will know, I have been worried about the PIP assessment due to not feeling that the form suits people with a hearing loss. Also from what I have read and heard from people affected directly with regards to it, in which people who are entitled, lose it. On top of that, as you know, the first time it was cancelled and I did not know until I arrived there, in which I found it was them who tried to phone me, even though my PIP form clearly stated to only use my mobile number for texting, as deaf. They also did not book my Lipspeaker. So I had every right to feel concerned about this appointment.

After signing myself in and meeting my Lipspeaker, the first call was the toilet for me, then we made our way downstairs to wait in a private waiting room outside the room where I would be assessed. While waiting for my turn to be assessed, it was a chat with my Lipspeaker to get to know one another with not meeting her before and for her to know how I would like her to help me, finding out if I knew any sign and if I wanted her to use that too.

The assessment

When it was time to go in the room, I pointed to the chair for my mum to sit at and I sat next to her, facing my Lipspeaker and the woman who was to be assessing me. After the formalities were out-of-the-way, in which I decided I wanted to see if I could lipread and hear the assessor first and if not, then I would look at my Lipspeaker, for her to repeat what she had said.
I found the assessor had a tone of voice that was right for me, but there were times after trying to lipread her for a while that I did end up using the Lipspeaker to get it repeated. When my mum spoke to add her part, I relied on the Lipspeaker to tell me what she had said every time, as she was sat a little further back from me and I can’t lipread sideways on, on top that I don’t hear my mum as well now.
Some questions were a repeat that were already on the PIP form and some were new. This gave me a chance to add, or amend anything by doing this. Every time the assessor spoke to me, she always looked at me directly so I could see her face. She never covered it and when she asked some certain questions about my hearing loss, I felt with this and making sure she always looked at me when she spoke that she had awareness. I have read how some assessors have not been helpful and done tests that were not acceptable towards deaf, but I have never received anything in the assessment room that was not acceptable. She only asked questions, nothing else.
My assessment was under an hour and although it was relaxing in the room, I wasn’t fully relaxed because of questions I would know that would possibly come, when it came to talking about my depression and anxiety. I thought more questions were going to be asked than that with regards to my depression, so just when I thought I may not hold it  together on the subject she asked me, it was on to a different topic.
I did have tears in my eyes after a particular question about how I feel and why. I don’t know if it may have been obvious to her. It’s not nice saying how you truly feel in front of your own mum, that you wish you were dead and that I have thought these thoughts, I just not acted on them. I just instead wished that when I went to bed to sleep at night, that I did not wake up the next day.

My opinions after my own PIP assessment

As I have mentioned, staff are pleasant and so is the assessor. The environment was relaxing and welcoming, even though I was not relaxed. The assessor always looked at me when she asked me questions and never ever covered here face. She even used some sign herself when she spoke, which was nice. I have the confidence that what I said, is down on those notes, but because of how I feel about the PIP application process, I still wonder whether I will get it. The waiting will be long, because of the back log, so it will be many weeks before I know anything, so until then my DLA continues, till they make their mind up at DPW.

Hoping 2

Last time I written a post about hope, was just over a month ago and I hope again. I am feeling desperate after another work night and as I write this, I am trying to calm my anxiety down. I am upset, feeling nausea and I can feel a migraine coming on, so as soon as I air this, I am off to bed. I shall let my cat sleep with me, as I know she senses my upset. She was upset from what she picked up, but is happy on my lap as I write this now.

I am hoping I can get through the next 2 days at work, then it is a long weekend. A very long one, due to having my tooth out next week.

I am hoping to get through tomorrow morning, when I visit someone who would like a small favour. Then I am hoping I get through my shift, later that day, and the next day, as already mentioned.
I would like to phone in sick, but this would be awkward to do, I think on so many levels. Not me. Them.

I am hoping I can be myself on Friday, because I have a job interview.
I am thankful I have this interview alone, but I am hoping (and desperate for this job.) My mum says to try to not get my hopes up, but I can’t help it and I am desperate. I really need this break. If I am unlucky to get this job, I would apply again if it ever came up. I would not give up. But I am hoping I will get this. I don’t know what I would do if I did not.

That’s my hoping for now.

A bit of Vitamin D continued

I decided after the previous post; ‘A bit of Vitamin D’, to take supplements. This was after from further reading on other websites after the one I shared at the end of that post.
It influenced me because of knowing how it is getting at that time of the year when we won’t be seeing much sun and for me to have had it already, I thought I would take the recommended dose of 10 micrograms. Although I eat food that contains it, I’m not getting enough obviously and at times I have slacked in this area with some of the foods it recommends for vitamin D, so this is why I changed my mind. But I am only taking it from now till end of winter, as by when the weather comes round nice again, hopefully I will get it from the sun and with the food as well hopefully stay at a good level. But I may have to bear in mind I may be one of those that has to take it in autumn and winter again.
I went to Holland and Barrett and bought the appropriate dosage. They only cost £3.59 for 100 tablets, so I don’t think that is a bad price.

Further reading :

Guidelines on vitamin D, will take you NHS Choices website

Holland and Barrett Vitamin D3 Tablets 10ug

A bit of Vitamin D

As I mentioned in Chit-chat – October, I had nothing to report about my hand, as I was having trouble getting a doctor’s appointment. But this morning, when trying again online, I seen an appointment going in the afternoon. It wasn’t with the doctor I first seen about my hand, but I have seen this doctor before in the past on another matter and I hoped by booking, he could help. I also had something else I needed to attend to, a prescription was required and I could not request it online to say I had a review prior with a nurse to get it again. So I got that prescription and my antidepressants and he was able to see about my hand, thankfully.
When it came to asking about my results of blood test and x-ray that I had just over 4 weeks ago, the doctor had my blood results, but not my x-ray.
My bloods have shown I do not have rheumatoid arthritis, but it does show I have a Vitamin D deficiency. I am in the middle range of being low and normal, which was how it was explained to me so I could understand. This can be sorted through diet alone and if I wanted, I could get some vitamins with Vitamin D in it. I will try the diet first.
As for my x-ray, I need to allow a couple of weeks more, then he advised to query first to see if my x-ray is back before making the appointment, so I don’t waste my time and yes, I could see him again if I wanted about it.

Lets hope I will hear by then.

If you would like to know more about Vitamin D, then you will find it here at NHS Choices.

Post share: Autumn has arrived — Confections of a redhead

I have printed off this recipe, so at some point in the future, I can make this delicious looking cake. Do pop on over and visit this post.

The seasons have changed. October is here (how the actual hell did that happen exactly??) The weather is getting colder. The days are getting shorter. The air is most definitely crisper, and the leaves are falling all over the place. The colours are incredible, and we are all making that “is it cold enough to […]

via Autumn has arrived — Confections of a redhead