It’s going to be quiet from me…

For the next couple of weeks, you will find it is going to be quiet from here and via your blogs. This will be for about the next two, to three weeks where you will find I am a bit quieter.

There are blog posts scheduled during this the and I will air and respond when I can. I just may be a little slower than usual. I also plan to do Fibbing Friday with my mum again this weekend. So look out for that too.

I am tired and exhausted, which has been happening more since the morning job I have been in, not being right for me, that I am finishing.

I also need to do some walking, getting to know my area more, to have further ideas where I would possibly pick, when it comes to council properties. To do this, I need to get out there and walk the areas. So with how dizzy my brain has been for not knowing what day it is, or having a clue what I am doing and forgetful lots this year, I need to step back from blogging for the next few weeks.

I do look forward to reading to any comments in future planned posts and as I say, I will air and respond when I can.

Thank you.

12th June 2019, Week 2 – “Working on Us” Mental Health Prompts

It’s time for “Working on Us” Mental Health Prompts, kindly created by Beckie, over at Beckie’s Mental Mess.

For today’s prompts and how to join in, do visit this post, which will take you to Beckie’s post. You will also be able to read the reason behind “Working on Us” Mental Health Prompts.

For today’s prompt, I have decided to use both the question and the image below.

The question:

What do you find to be the most challenging for you when it comes to your mental illness? (You can give an example and  also a means on how to cope.)

Motivation is the most challenging thing for me when it comes to my mental health. This does not help when I get the fatigue that comes with it.
When all else fails, the only one thing that does not and that is walking. So I take myself off and walk somewhere, preferably in nature.

The image:

What are some pictures (without text) with deep meaning(s)? - Quora

I can relate to this image above. The many changing faces how I once used to feel. That putting on the fake smile, to hide what was going on inside.
Putting on the fake smile I used to feel was more for the benefit of others at one times sadly. This was because of hearing “Chin up” that many times and basically wanting to knock their heads off, or tell them to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine, or fuck it to their response.
Thankfully now, I don’t have to hide it, because I am around people i feel who listen and care. They accept me at my down times, as well as at my best times.

Book review: The self-care revolution, by Suzy Reading.

Through doing different Google searches related to self-care, after realising slowly I have been slipping up at times and so open to fresh ideas, I came across this book, “The self-care revolution,” by Suzy Reading.
I did further searches on this book, then looked at the reviews for the book and liked what I seen.
I even seen an article about the “vitality wheel,” through researching this book. The article was an interview with Suzy Reading for this book and she explained how the “vitality wheel” works. I knew even more this book felt like it was going to be useful for me, along with making my own “vitality wheel,” with it being a visual thing. (I will share my “vitality wheel” and anything else I take from this book, in a later post.)
I bought this book from The Works, as it was a few pounds cheaper there.

Book cover of the self-care revolution by Suzy Reading

This book is designed to help and restore your day-to-day energy reserves. Remember me mentioning the “vitality wheel” before?
In this book you will learn about creating your own “vitality wheel.” It’s a complete body and mind self-care toolkit.
The “vitality wheel” consists of eight parts, which the book separates into these eight parts individually as a chapter.

  • Sleep, rest relaxation and breathing
  • Movement and nutrition
  • Coping skills
  • Physical environment
  • Social connection
  • Mood boosters
  • Goal-setting and accomplishment
  • Values and purpose

The book can be started anywhere you like, so just pick the section you feel you need to focus on first and go from there. But I think when you first pick up this book, to read it through the first time, then go back to where you feel after.

As well as creating your own “vitality wheel,” it also suggests creating a journal. But you don’t have to, as the author of this book wants you to pick out what is right for you.

Over time, you may need to update your “vitality wheel,” because our needs change. So this book will always become a referencing tool to refer back to and remind you.

I have felt this book has replaced past books I found handy, because I find this visually more appealing and easy to read. I have learnt a lot more new things, from this book too.

The author tells a bit about herself at the beginning and how she came about creating this book. It then goes into the introduction of self-care, followed by the “vitality wheel.” After that, each chapter is for each part of the “vitality wheel.”
After the chapters associated with each part of the wheel, it goes on about your self-care toolkit, reminding you how it’s not selfish to practice self-care. Then a reminder of what to do next, in the following chapter, giving examples of what you could have as your self-care toolkit.

There are mantras and affirmations you can try, as well as a few yoga poses for each part of the “vitality wheel.” Again, the author reminds you to choose what you feel is right for you.

This book is certainly something I recommend and it’s a book to refer back to as your needs change in the future.

If you liked this post, then look out for a further post on Saturday when I share my vitality wheel that I have created for myself. I will also be sharing my wellness journal in that post too.

Fibbing Friday – 7th June prompt

It’s time for Fibbing Friday, by The Haunted Wordsmith.

I know you have been looking forward to this as much as me, because it is a rather special post today. It’s the first time my mum has participated in a blog post on here. So here we go. 😊

1. Why do cable companies offer so many channels no one watches?

My answer: It shows just how they have nothing to do.
Mum’s answer: Because no one can find their way.

2. Who invented lemon meringue pies?

My answer: Santa, because he missed the snow, when it was summer time.
Mum’s answer: The meringue man.

3. Why did people invent the sandwich?

My answer: It was a new way to smother people.
Mum’s answer: Because of the spread.

4. What was the stone age?

My answer: How to tell the age of a stone, or a pebble, by looking at the bumps, cracks and any other age related markings.
Mum’s answer: Two bits of rock.

5. Why do people grow more annoying as we age?

My answer: It’s a new form of fun, while playing a poker-face.
Mum’s answer: Because they want to catch up.

6. What is doomsday?

My answer: It depends where you are in life.
Mum’s answer: When you don’t get paid.

7. What do fish do all day?

My answer: They are secretly plotting.
Mum’s answer: Do a gobbly do.

8. Who are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse really?

My answer: I don’t have a clue.
Mum’s answer: Four bits of a puzzle.

9. How do you make a cake?

My answer: Throw everything in a bowl and mix. But don’t forget to throw some flour around, as it makes you look very  busy. Santa will also appreciate it, cos it’s the nearest thing to snow in summer.
Mum’s answer: Upside down.

10. What is the best ice-cream topping on a sundae?

My answer: More ice-cream. Yum. 😊
Mum’s answer: Two bit pieces.

11. What is your ideal style of home?

My answer: Furniture either side of the room, to give it a parting.
Mum’s answer: Two sheets to the wind.

12. What is the strangest hobby?

My answer: I don’t know. I’m not strange.
Mum’s answer: Riding a hobby horse.

5th June 2019, Trial #1 – “Working on Us” Mental Health Prompts

Beckie, over at Beckie’s Mental Mess, is starting on a new prompt series called, Working on Us.

For today’s prompts, there are two prompts which you can either just do one, or both. For details of these prompts and how to play along, please do see todays post at: https://beckiesmentalmess.blog/2019/06/05/june-5-2019-trial-1-working-on-us-mental-health-prompts/

I have decided to do just one of these prompts and so I have chosen prompt #1 – Question:

When you first found out that you had a mental illness/disorder. Explain how this new revelation regarding your health affected you?

My mental health is depression and anxiety.
Depression has been the main symptom, because anxiety came second. But anxiety over the years has proved to be an issue at times, as my depression.

I wouldn’t say it has been a new revelation for me, because I always knew it was there, or not quite right. I just never did anything about it, because as I did as a teenager, I just soildered on and as a teenager, I wouldn’t have been aware about how my own mental health was in general then, even though I seen the trials of my mum’s mental health.
I was a person who got my head down, hoping to get through each difficult day. My long standing readers will know about my childhood difficulties. But for those that are new, then click on childhood in the tags section of my blog, because explaining it here would make it a very long post.

Fast forward after divorce, my mental health went down more and I felt I wasn’t coping. I referred myself to counseling, for the rape and about that relationship in general, which mum supported me on, by coming down on the bus with me and waiting in the waiting area, while I had my counseling. The counseling helped for that time then.

Another moment in time later, which then I was in a relationship. (The relationship that never went anywhere and what turned out to be a shocking later, that I discovered by accident some years later after having nothing to do with him.) During some point in those first two years I think it was now, one night, in my own bed, which I was on my own, I had a flashback of the time I was raped in my first relationship. It felt so real. When I woken up, I found myself in the same position, so god knows if I had been crying out in my dreams. It was real enough in my dreams, but to wake up and find myself like that, made it more sickening. I was hugely triggered and traumatised all over again.
Further counseling at a rape crisis centre, with the support then of the boyfriend I was with. This counseling went into areas of conversation that was not covered in my counseling elsewhere I had the first time round on this area of my life. I can’t remember if I was on medication then. I don’t think I was. But the counseling really helped, for that time.

Then in another area of my life, (before the above flashback) while still in this relationship, had issues with neighbours, while in a council property. The stress of it all brought me to a new time low. I lost a lot of weight with it. At this point, I was on antidepressants and I was scared to take them I remember. But the doctor reassured me of my concerns. My then boyfriend, supported me in that appointment, in case there were things that needed repeating later, with things being a blur and numb. I wasn’t long in getting a private property and this is how I ended up in private properties ever since. I can’t remember how long I was on antidepressants, as some of that time is now a blur.

The last time I was on antidepressants, were at a time I blogged about here. That was when my old workplace broke me that much, that I could take no more. I was depressed and I was having lots of panic attacks. God knows how I still managed to keep going to work. I was that messed up, I really shouldn’t have been there. But I kept doing my shifts and doing what I automatically seem to do as a child.
I also had counseling, which towards the end delved in my childhood. I was having triggers when going into this area and because NHS counseling only lasts so long and because of the nature from childhood, it had to be treaded carefully. This counsellor said because if what I seen as a child and the other things in regards with what dad was like, that I likely to have PTSD. To hear this being said to me shocked me, even though it made sense.

I was on antidepressants longer than the doctor would have liked. This was because I did not want to start weaning off then when I was having driving lessons. Then when I did not do anymore, because I couldn’t deal with it any further, plus I had a double-death in the family; my cousin and her husband.
Then, as you know, followed by discovering the true horrors of the ex-boyfriend and finding out what he truly was by accident in a Google search not related to him, there was no way I could think of reducing my antidepressants. So antidepressants were reduced some months later, even though it was still a difficult time.

Present day, I can still feel lows at times. But I am feeling particularly low since my first day in new job. But I remain medication free, since I last came off them, as mentioned above.

I take each day as it comes. With the now stresses I have had since living here, that you know about and being more of a carer for my mum than I ever been, lists are becoming more my friend, because since February, I am finding myself more forgetful then ever before. I have used a diary for years, but a list is in addition to my diary.
If I have a lot to think about in a day, then a list is created and placed on my coffee table. I will also take the list with me, if required.

I hope this post gives an idea, as it has been very hard to write this one. Not because of the topic, as this is now easy with the counseling and support I have had over the years. It’s just a bit grey in areas, as I forget things and I found just writing this post, in how best to get my words down. So feeling brain tired, is probably the best way to put it.

Thank you for reading, if you got to the end of this post.

#WellnessWednesday – Some of my scents I find soothing and relaxing

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These are just some of my different scents in the photo above, that I find soothing, that helps me relax:

  • Yardley rose perfume
  • The Original Champneys Health Spa – Summer Dream Rewarding Body Lotion
  • Relaxing lavender and coconut oil hydrating spritz
  • Relaxing lavender temple balm

 

As well as the above, I also like my scented candles, or scented oil in my diffuser.

And I find the smell and taste of Earl Grey tea comforting too.

What scents do you like, that feel soothing and relaxing?

Job shopping

So today was my first day at my new job and I still not 100% sure about it.

As I have said before, my line manager is fine and seems approachable. He knows after today that I have been thinking of calling it quits. But he knows I won’t do anything yet.
Where I clean for, as I have said before, it seems a nice place to work for. But I have seen things on both sides; my employer and who I am cleaning for, points of views and I am the one in the middle who is staying out of that.
But it brings with it where I am not impressed, with what I see and what went on today. Which my line may said, anymore problems, let me know. But I will be sticking it out and if I choose to leave, than it will be while I am currently working here that I will do it. I am not just going to quit, because knowing I have this job eases the pressures off regarding my money situation. So unless I am got rid during probation period, I don’t plan on going anywhere, unless I do still choose to move into another job.
So I will be job shopping, (my version of window shopping) and applying for anything that catches my eye, just to keep my options open, at the hours close to what I am doing now.
This new job is 14 hours per week and so when I look at future job vacancies, I will try and get near that as possible, or more, when looking.