So it’s the weekend

I really struggled getting up this morning, after lack of sleep last night. I had to drag myself out of bed. As well as tired and drained with so much focus going onto Spark Energy and getting them to sort out my messy account for gas and electric, I was so fed up, I could have easily stayed in bed all day. I have not felt like that for a long time.

So after getting up and counting my change to see if I could stretch to a drink out, I made myself go out.
The plan today was to go to Mansfield Museum. It’s free to go in and it’s not something I have hardly gone in before. Now I am living in Mansfield, I will make a habit of visiting every month, or two.
So I looked at all their displays, except for the children’s part. There were art work showing old Mansfield times. I looked at displays showing history of local mining and factories. There were small models of how some places may have looked one time and a room full of  photos taken by people.

From setting out of the house and coming back home for a late lunch, I was out for a couple of hours. I never had a cuppa out, so money saved. It was a struggle walking out today, as I felt tired and muscles slightly hurting. But at least my anxiety was better than it’s been for rest of this week.

Once home, I stayed in and played a couple of word games on my phone. Now I am listening to music.

I limited my time to half an hour Twitter. I have been letting my feeling known about Spark Energy there, as well as tweeting Ombudsman about them. I looked into if I was able to contact Ombudsman by post, if it ends up I take it that far. I am placing a personal bet with myself that I will end up doing this, because their emails remain short, standard and copied and pasted text in parts to me. It doesn’t feel that they are actually writing to me and they are not fully answering my emails. They think job done and over. But the job is not even half done and it certainly is not over when my account does not reflect the short time I have been with them, containing readings, that I have not given.
I have only checked my emails once this afternoon and have no intention of looking for rest of the night. It’s my time.

Tomorrow, I am avoiding Twitter full stop and I won’t be checking my emails. Mind you, the checking emails will be hard, as my focus tomorrow is to apply to a cleaning job I seen today and the other being a random email to a business near me, seeing if they are needing any cleaners and, telling them about me and attaching a CV. After that, then yeah, not going in my email account.

What’s your weekend like?

 

Mental health can so easily slip

With different stresses in life, anyone can easily take a knocking. But if you already struggle with your mental health, it can easily take a set back. I have considered being on a better path than I have ever been in the past, but I take this down to being more aware with myself. Despite knock backs, I consider myself ok, but I find I can still slip unexpectedly. My latest slip of stress really getting to me, due to Spark Energy is because I have not been on the ball in being aware of my mental health, because I have been so wrapped up with the issue that I consider a serious complaint. Supplying them with everything that they have asked, but not happy with what they receive. This morning, I have had to scan my tenancy agreement and send that to them in an email. I had to learn how to attach such a large file to an email. My headache got worse as I scanned the pages. My time being wasted yet again I am thinking and also thinking, any more issues? Will they accept the agreement? Because after all, they not happy so far. All would be so simple if they just came out to read meters but they do have the photographic evidence, including photographic evidence of initial reading.

A reminder was left for me by Katie, in the comments of this post; I am so glad they are down and out. Thank you, Katie.

I also seen this post on Katie’s blog; “Mental strength.” This post I could relate with how I am again and it also serves as a reminder for me.

I have noticed, but not fully acknowledge the small things, like pots mounting up and left till next day. Something I would not normally do, as I like a clean sink for mornings. But this is what has been happening this week.

The air has been blue in my flat, as in I mean swearing kind of blue. Swearing in general, when talking about my frustration with Spark Energy, swearing at myself.

I am hoping today, as I acknowledge this and be more aware again that this now calms down. It’s my mental health and my responsibility to get myself back and not let the idiots at Spark Energy who only care about their pay packet and not sorting customers needs quickly and appropriately.

Blog post re-share: “Tips on looking after your mental health this Christmas,” by Heads Together.

Christmas will be you are either looking forward to it, or not. Christmas can be a difficult time for some and it is important to look after yourself, how best it suits you.
For me, I have already expressed for some time, that I need quiet this year and I have said no to some things, as I shared in this post; “To say no.”

HeadsTogether, has written a very helpful post on looking after yourself this Christmas. Click on the link below, which will take you to their page, where you can read more.

Tips on looking after your mental health this Christmas.

I don’t seem with it

The last few weeks have been mentally and physically draining. You will have probably picked that up in my posts as you read them, even when I did not say it.

I talked about how I was so Craving quietness.
I was craving it badly that final week at work and after a week off, for the first time ever, I did not want to go back. Now I love work still, so don’t get me wrong. At work that has been a little trouble going on, which I cannot go into and I won’ go into detail. It’s not directly at me and it’s not my employer causing it. But what has been going off, has affected the atmosphere due to this incident. It wasn’t quiet at work and the tension in the atmosphere was high and there still is tension. I dreaded going back after the quiet week I craved and my mood was very dark Monday. My mood is a little better but not much.

As I have been learning and as I mentioned here, I am a ‘Highly Sensitive Person’ (HSP) I discovered. With how I have been the last few weeks with the slight difficulty in the moving process, the tiredness both physically and mentally, I am really picking this up at work and it is affecting me. Yesterday, I found I was struggling walking at times, feeling like my legs were going to go from under me. My muscles not wanting to hold me up. This is one of the effects of stress. Not had this for a long time, to that extent and I am hoping my body does not do more of this.

Today, I am a little tearful, after calling into my bank and I have decided to call into a cafe before going home for a drink and then I will be sitting down with my bank details, checking where I went wrong and correcting my workings. I called into the bank because I noticed my standing order for my rent was returned. Looking at my balance, it looked like there was sufficient funds and I was fuming that it had been returned. After the bank looked into it, it turned out a payment elsewhere I made was put first (which that’s fine) and standing order returned, as there would have been insufficient funds. Thankfully no charges. I am usually very good when it comes to my own money, making sure I have sufficient funds and I thought I had made a note of this in my folder, so when I am home, I will be seeing if I did make a note of this other payment or not. And then I will be just having my quiet. I thought I was with it now, but obviously not.

My mood is not also helping with my sensitivity to sound I am having. I have finally got round to emailing my audiologist yesterday, so hopefully, I will hear of an appointment soon with a particular audiologist.

How do you stay motivated?

I know I’m not alone when it comes to staying motivated. It can be a real struggle, depending on my mood. Like anyone, when depression was bad, motivation was nil. But other times, it’s if I can be bothered, or whether I’m tired, or a little stressed. So if you are after advice from me on this, I don’t think I can offer it.

To stay motivated in the past, I have had to be really hard on myself. I may not allow myself something, until I have done whatever that may be. It’s also setting a routine to my day, allowing the breaks I need, while doing what’s important, like study for example.

As hard as it can be to get up some mornings, I find I have to make myself get up, because if I don’t, then it can spoil the rest of my day.

How do you stay motivated? Share your tips here, to help others.

Thank you in advance. 🙂

Craving quietness

The last two weeks I have been craving quietness. I just want silence. This quietness I seek has come on even stronger this past week. So with this and how my body has felt at times the past week, I am looking forward to peace and quiet, where I can with what ever gentle, in between.

I really wish others knew this about me…

I’m not boring and I am approachable

People in the past and some probably now, not that I don’t care what others think now like I once did, but some thought I was going to be boring. These were proved wrong and they held their hands up to their wrong assumptions. The conclusion to why they thought I would be boring, was because of me being quiet and also how I was dressed, as this particular occasion was my hen night, all those years ago. (The first relationship, that I was abused in.)
I would like you to know that I am not boring because I am quiet to start with and you will find me approachable, should you choose to speak to me. We may even find common ground.

I do have a sense of humour

Just because you may find me quiet at first, as I have mentioned​ above, when it comes to talking to me, you will also discover I do have a sense of humour.

I people watch

I people watch sometimes. Imagining what they may be like. Observing their relationships with their family, or friends.
I especially like seeing elderly couples holding hands, while walking in the street. It’s so lovely to see and I wonder just how many years they may have been together.

Just because I have an invisible disability, doesn’t mean it don’t exist.

I am deaf and, I have depression and anxiety.

Unless my hair is tied up, you won’t see my hearing aids, until I mention I have a hearing loss.
People say, ‘ I speak ok,’ but like my hidden disability, it doesn’t mean I am not deaf. I am deaf, but to hear you better, I have to see your face to lipread, while hearing what I can with my hearing aids.
I would also like to add that my hearing aids assist me, but they don’t magically give back my hearing I once had. I also watch your face expression and your body language.
I will need you to be patient with me, as I may need you to repeat if I miss something and I will be very appreciative of this.
I will be able to tell if you don’t have the patience to chat with me, don’t want to be there in general. I may also pick up on if you are not feeling yourself, which if I do, I am known to ask if you are ok

Depression is another invisible disability. On the surface, I may seem fine to you, but underneath, I could be the total opposite.
My depression is not bad like it used to be. Being in a new job has helped greatly, as well as counselling for other matters already blogged about here.

I have anxiety and depending how it is, you may see it, or you may not. Again, like my depression, it’s not bad as it was, but it does like to creep up more, than my depression.

I can sketch

From the age of 9 to early 20’s, I was regular sitting at a table sketching. After that, I stopped, until the artist side of me crept out again with ‘Sharpie Sunday’s‘ and other prompts. Although it’s not got me back to my sketching route I once did. I would like to though.
I am not saying I am good to sell as an artist, but if I had kept it up as I once did, then they may have been.

One time, I couldn’t look in a full-length mirror

I hated looking at myself in a full-length mirror one time. This started after I left the first relationship. Although I don’t own a full-length mirror still, I know I wouldn’t have a problem looking in one.

I give 100% in the workplace

I give 100% in the workplace, but sometimes I will give a 110%, because I love my workplace so much.

What do you wish others knew about you?