Some unhelpful comments I’ve received

Just some unhelpful comments I can remember over my lifetime that I have heard, or still hear.

“Chin up”

Oh how I hate this one. I have said about hearing this, in this post, How has stigma around mental health affected you?
Depending on my mood at the time this is said, I can either be sighing and rolling my eyes inside myself, or sarcastically thinking how I could give you chin up if my fist went upwards to your chin, then you would certainly be chin up.
Surprisingly, I have never said where to stick that one, or respond in any way! But I have noticed instead, I distance myself off, like I am not there.

“Snap out of it”

Only heard this once and a very long time ago, that the memory of this one is vague to the situation.

“There is always someone off worser than you”

Oh, don’t you think I don’t know that?

But all the same, does that mean my feelings don’t count? Are my feelings worth nothing?

For years I kept my mouth shut and, did not say how I felt and it did not get me anywhere. I was silent and broken at times and I felt I did not belong in the world, because my feelings were not validated.
When I could cope more, then counseling begun, because there you are not judged.

“Oh… I have felt sad sometimes.”

OMG and eyes rolling when I got this one. My eyes were literally rolling as this was said once when I first talked about my depression and taking meds. At first, I thought she understood, but when a comment came out afterwards she said that, it clearly wasn’t the case. I even asked a question to be sure. I can’t remember my exact words now, but I clearly put this person in their place and corrected the different between sad and depression. This was the same person who was ignorant about my deafness, only a few years before.

“But that’s in the past.”

Seeing my dog get beaten, doesn’t make it go away, like it never happened, or the fear of my dad that I remember.

Being raped doesn’t make how it affects me go away!

“Think positive.”

So you think I don’t? I am doing well trying to be positive and some days are really hard to be positive, that I am tired being positive. I think I can have a day off, or two from being positive.

What comments have you received, that you found not helpful?

 

Related post:

Do you want to read up on further unhelpful comments. I found this page below, which will take you to The Mighty.

https://themighty.com/2018/08/what-not-to-say-support-mental-illness/

My go-to, in times of escape.

It got difficult because of feeling that mentally and physically drained for so long this year, that when I found the new morning job wasn’t for me and the circumstances around it, that I have revealed in earlier posts, that it pushed me to my limit energy-wise.

I have cried and still have my moments, while I feel like this. I have regardless how I have been, still been able to crack jokes and have a laugh. But behind it all, it has still been pained. Hopefully, now I have finished my morning cleaning job, I should hopefully get my energy back and start to feel more better.

But while I have been as I have been, my go-to, in times of escape, have been the following:

  • Walking, especially in nature.
  • Watching Michael Flatley’s, Lord of the Dance DVD.
  • Listening to Michael Flatley’s Lord of the Dance.
  • Sleeping

12th June 2019, Week 2 – “Working on Us” Mental Health Prompts

It’s time for “Working on Us” Mental Health Prompts, kindly created by Beckie, over at Beckie’s Mental Mess.

For today’s prompts and how to join in, do visit this post, which will take you to Beckie’s post. You will also be able to read the reason behind “Working on Us” Mental Health Prompts.

For today’s prompt, I have decided to use both the question and the image below.

The question:

What do you find to be the most challenging for you when it comes to your mental illness? (You can give an example and  also a means on how to cope.)

Motivation is the most challenging thing for me when it comes to my mental health. This does not help when I get the fatigue that comes with it.
When all else fails, the only one thing that does not and that is walking. So I take myself off and walk somewhere, preferably in nature.

The image:

What are some pictures (without text) with deep meaning(s)? - Quora

I can relate to this image above. The many changing faces how I once used to feel. That putting on the fake smile, to hide what was going on inside.
Putting on the fake smile I used to feel was more for the benefit of others at one times sadly. This was because of hearing “Chin up” that many times and basically wanting to knock their heads off, or tell them to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine, or fuck it to their response.
Thankfully now, I don’t have to hide it, because I am around people i feel who listen and care. They accept me at my down times, as well as at my best times.

5th June 2019, Trial #1 – “Working on Us” Mental Health Prompts

Beckie, over at Beckie’s Mental Mess, is starting on a new prompt series called, Working on Us.

For today’s prompts, there are two prompts which you can either just do one, or both. For details of these prompts and how to play along, please do see todays post at: https://beckiesmentalmess.blog/2019/06/05/june-5-2019-trial-1-working-on-us-mental-health-prompts/

I have decided to do just one of these prompts and so I have chosen prompt #1 – Question:

When you first found out that you had a mental illness/disorder. Explain how this new revelation regarding your health affected you?

My mental health is depression and anxiety.
Depression has been the main symptom, because anxiety came second. But anxiety over the years has proved to be an issue at times, as my depression.

I wouldn’t say it has been a new revelation for me, because I always knew it was there, or not quite right. I just never did anything about it, because as I did as a teenager, I just soildered on and as a teenager, I wouldn’t have been aware about how my own mental health was in general then, even though I seen the trials of my mum’s mental health.
I was a person who got my head down, hoping to get through each difficult day. My long standing readers will know about my childhood difficulties. But for those that are new, then click on childhood in the tags section of my blog, because explaining it here would make it a very long post.

Fast forward after divorce, my mental health went down more and I felt I wasn’t coping. I referred myself to counseling, for the rape and about that relationship in general, which mum supported me on, by coming down on the bus with me and waiting in the waiting area, while I had my counseling. The counseling helped for that time then.

Another moment in time later, which then I was in a relationship. (The relationship that never went anywhere and what turned out to be a shocking later, that I discovered by accident some years later after having nothing to do with him.) During some point in those first two years I think it was now, one night, in my own bed, which I was on my own, I had a flashback of the time I was raped in my first relationship. It felt so real. When I woken up, I found myself in the same position, so god knows if I had been crying out in my dreams. It was real enough in my dreams, but to wake up and find myself like that, made it more sickening. I was hugely triggered and traumatised all over again.
Further counseling at a rape crisis centre, with the support then of the boyfriend I was with. This counseling went into areas of conversation that was not covered in my counseling elsewhere I had the first time round on this area of my life. I can’t remember if I was on medication then. I don’t think I was. But the counseling really helped, for that time.

Then in another area of my life, (before the above flashback) while still in this relationship, had issues with neighbours, while in a council property. The stress of it all brought me to a new time low. I lost a lot of weight with it. At this point, I was on antidepressants and I was scared to take them I remember. But the doctor reassured me of my concerns. My then boyfriend, supported me in that appointment, in case there were things that needed repeating later, with things being a blur and numb. I wasn’t long in getting a private property and this is how I ended up in private properties ever since. I can’t remember how long I was on antidepressants, as some of that time is now a blur.

The last time I was on antidepressants, were at a time I blogged about here. That was when my old workplace broke me that much, that I could take no more. I was depressed and I was having lots of panic attacks. God knows how I still managed to keep going to work. I was that messed up, I really shouldn’t have been there. But I kept doing my shifts and doing what I automatically seem to do as a child.
I also had counseling, which towards the end delved in my childhood. I was having triggers when going into this area and because NHS counseling only lasts so long and because of the nature from childhood, it had to be treaded carefully. This counsellor said because if what I seen as a child and the other things in regards with what dad was like, that I likely to have PTSD. To hear this being said to me shocked me, even though it made sense.

I was on antidepressants longer than the doctor would have liked. This was because I did not want to start weaning off then when I was having driving lessons. Then when I did not do anymore, because I couldn’t deal with it any further, plus I had a double-death in the family; my cousin and her husband.
Then, as you know, followed by discovering the true horrors of the ex-boyfriend and finding out what he truly was by accident in a Google search not related to him, there was no way I could think of reducing my antidepressants. So antidepressants were reduced some months later, even though it was still a difficult time.

Present day, I can still feel lows at times. But I am feeling particularly low since my first day in new job. But I remain medication free, since I last came off them, as mentioned above.

I take each day as it comes. With the now stresses I have had since living here, that you know about and being more of a carer for my mum than I ever been, lists are becoming more my friend, because since February, I am finding myself more forgetful then ever before. I have used a diary for years, but a list is in addition to my diary.
If I have a lot to think about in a day, then a list is created and placed on my coffee table. I will also take the list with me, if required.

I hope this post gives an idea, as it has been very hard to write this one. Not because of the topic, as this is now easy with the counseling and support I have had over the years. It’s just a bit grey in areas, as I forget things and I found just writing this post, in how best to get my words down. So feeling brain tired, is probably the best way to put it.

Thank you for reading, if you got to the end of this post.

After the night before

Mum seems calm after last night, but very tired looking. See the post On the floor at mum’s that I written in the early hours.

The team I texted last night, got back to me this morning, about 10 minutes ago. I gave them the update, pointing out I had emailed her main support workers this morning.

I have emailed my landlord, to see if any chance he would allow me to break my tenancy agreement early, because of this situation with my mum.

I feel upset this morning and I am holding back my tears. I feel a little tired, but I bet it will creep up later at work. I feel mainly worried and stressed with my situation. The situation I mentioned in the comment section of my above linked post and that’s if this happens again, I would have to choose staying at home once I have started my morning job, because of being able to get to that job. Thee There are no buses my mum’s way for the time I would have to set out to get there and I am not in a position to give this job up. I can’t afford to. I don’t get any support, like carers allowance for example.
To feel I have to choose to stay at home, so I can get to this new job, should this crisis happen again… I don’t know what I feel right now, other than I am upset and feeling the pressure right now.
Please don’t tell me to go the doctors to sign off sick, because sick pay wouldn’t cover my rent. So what about the rest?
I can’t draw money out of thin air. My current job and new job when I start is my only income.
I don’t like that I have to choose to stay at home, because of getting to the new morning job, once I know when I am starting.

I will be going back to mine this morning, as I need to pick something up that’s important for tomorrow, for an appointment I have. So that I am not rushing around, it will be easier me having lunch at home, while I do anything else that crops up, before going to work in the evening. But my mum is going to be on my mind more then ever today, because of what I witnessed last night.

After work, I will be going back to mum’s in taxi. My mum gave me the money to do this, so I can get back to hers.
I will then have to leave mum’s Friday, for work and then I am back home after work. Mum will then be at mine for the night, from Saturday. I am hoping maybe to hunt in her staying a little longer at mine.

On the floor at mum’s

I should be asleep. But I am not, due to just getting my mum back in bed, after she was convinced of hearing some banging. Mum was in the bathroom. The only time a bang happened, was when boiler was going on and off, in tune with her turning hot tap on and off. This was why I got up to check on her, with knowing it wasn’t the heating.

When work finished last night, I found a text off my mum. I won’t go into the details of the text, but it’s same talk as I have heard as a child. So I know things were not good. If it wasn’t for a work colleague taking me to mine so I could take some of my belongings, as well as needing mum’s house key, and then taking me there, I wouldn’t have been able to have get, with no money for taxi, due to no buses that time of night where mum lives. I wouldn’t have got to my mum’s as quick as I did either.

I texted the appropriate number I was told I could text on, that reaches the team. Open till 10pm. I texted 8.12pm, copying and quoting mum’s text she sent me and seeing if they could check on her, or phone her. Mum did not receive a call and I received no text. So what brilliant help that was.

I don’t know if this will turn out to be a long night where mum is hearing things that are not happening, or if she will finally go to sleep. Hopefully, I  will sleep too. But mum is aggitated at times and hearing things  not there. Whether neighbour was noisy in bedroom/bathroom prior. I don’t know. As mum is near that side. But the only banging I heard was the boiler, cos mum was turning hot tap on and off, saying it was banging.

I will be having another night here on the floor. So I have taxi money to bring me back from work at night, as no way can I walk the distance home to my mum’s with my foot. It will then be one night mum will be on her own, before coming to mine at the weekend, for a night.

Blog post re-share: Mental Health Keep Fit Group — Bipolar? It’s not all doom and gloom

Clive has started a fitness group called, ‘Mind your steps.’ He is determined to get fitter and he hopes you will join in too and get fit together. It doesn’t matter what fitness level you are at. You can be a complete beginner. The idea of this group is to support one another in being more active, which helps towards better mental health, as well as you being healthy.

Read more at his blog on this and join in.

Hi all. Carrying on from my previous post regarding keeping fit. I’m determined to get myself a bit fitter again, and would love it if some of you would to join me. Even if no one is interested I’ll have to do it alone. I thought I would name this mental health keep fit group […]

via Mental Health Keep Fit Group — Bipolar? It’s not all doom and gloom