A trigger that can still catch me out

A trigger that can still catch me out, is when I am accused of something I have not done, that is of a serious nature. I can quickly show my anger as the response I feel brewing inside of me is so strong. This is because of when I was a child, I was once accused by a close family member of taking money from a particular place that she had. Looking back on my very earlier blog posts where I talked about my childhood, I thought I had raised this there, but I don’t seemed to have. I can see why I chosen not to do it, to protect the person. I still am, hence using the word ‘close family member.’ But that person, knows how to this day that accusation has affected me. Who ever I shop for, it doesn’t matter, I will still always come back with a receipt. It’s my protection.

Now recently, another same situation cropped up at work. (Not to do with money, but instead a key.) It wasn’t aimed directly at me, just the department I work for which I will call A. The people throwing this accusation were where I get the key from, which I will call B. It was B’s fault, because from the week before when it was signed back in, at some point it went missing and they did not have anything to show in their book who had it. No one in A had it at the start of the week and it is not needed by us at the weekend. But no, like before, B like to blame A.

Now although I know it was not aimed directly at me, my response and how I felt inside was the same as it would have been, had I been accused. Like they did when this happened before. They decided it was someones fault I found later, from our department, but that person never had that key, because he wasn’t given that one and this person has the proof. But because I knew they were throwing the same trick as they did to me, it got me angry and pent-up. I let my department know what was going off and they were not happy to hear of this happening. (I hope they have done something about it.)
From telling them, I thought that as well as letting them know what was going on, that also it would undo all the pent-up anger I had inside me. Did it heck.

When I was home I focused on my cat, did mindfulness drinking of my tea and lit a scented candle, which after doing this, I was 90% better. I then decided to go to bed early, to switch off, but when I got up the next morning, my body was telling me about it from how I was the day before; painful joints, feeling tired and a little tense.
I went out to focus on my studies and I drank my latte mindfully. Eventually, I was mindfully better, but I still had to contend with my pains and tiredness for the rest of the day.

I know, through the help of my counselling I had that time, that I am now aware that these feelings I have when I hear of accusations like this, whether directly at me, or at A, are the same emotions I felt from my childhood. This, along with the injustice of it all.
My response has reminded me, that there are still times when I have some work to do, to try to ease these emotions less.
I have to remind myself that whether against me, or others in A, that for my own health, I have to try and keep this stress minimal as I can. By doing so, I won’t have the side effects afterwards in my body, where I am tired and having joint pain. But this is going to be hard, I know.

If you can relate and you have tips to share, that are different from what I am practising, then please share.

Book review: “Anxiety: A self-help guide to feeling better,” by Wendy Green.

Anxiety is something I still suffer with, that can still creep up on me at times. Like my depression, I accept that anxiety will always be part of me and its taking each day as it comes.
I have managed my anxiety and depression, (including flashbacks) using techniques learnt in my counselling sessions as well as my own I have found that can help. Blogging helps too, along with sharpie and doodle drawings, to get things out of my system, that I might otherwise pent-up. But I thought I would read this book and see what else I may learn new.

This 172 page book that I bought from Amazon is easy to follow and it explains how psychological, genetic and dietary factors can contribute to anxiety. It offers practical advice and holistic approach to help you deal with the symptoms, like simple dietary and lifestyle changes, to DIY complementary therapies. It’s a book you can dip in and out of and read either all of it, or just what interests you. But I do suggest you at least read all of it the first time round.
I know personally myself, but also through my mental health course on reducing alcohol intake, which this book also suggests.
Also, caffeine is something I have cut down on a long time a go too. If I do drink a caffeinated drink, I do it more out than in, watching I don’t exceed a certain limit I set myself. This book suggests cutting this down too.
There are plenty of other suggestions in Chapter 2 of this book, in regards to healthy eating, which for me is what I mostly know, but it serves as a reminder to me.

It mentions about getting active, giving suggestions what we can try, and it discusses stress management and adopting an anti-anxiety attitude, which one of the things it suggests is CBT, that I have had in the past and found rather helpful.

At the back of the book there is a directory of contacts that offers information, support and products for sufferers of anxiety disorders. Some of these I have not heard of before and so I will be checking them out.

There is plenty of other information in this book, but if I go into it further, it would make this post very long to read. It’s a book staying on my bookshelf for future use.

When time doesn’t heal all wounds

A blog post share.

#Speak

After you go through something painful, people love to give you advice. And one of the most common pieces of advice is the infamous expression “just give it time.” With time, the hurt and suffering you are experiencing will gradually decrease until one day it’s gone for good. And yes, I know this phrase may hold true for various situations. But when it comes to recovering from an abusive relationship, it’s a different matter entirely.

An abusive relationship strips away everything you thought you knew about human nature and the world. With abuse, you experience someone you love transform into a monster before your eyes – they degrade you, hurt you, put you down, threaten you, over and over and over again. Experiencing this kind of trauma leaves a very real and very profound mark on a person. It makes you question your previous beliefs that people are genuinely good…

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Cafe Connect: A night of findings. Join us, 23rd July — IMH Blog (Nottingham)

If you live in Nottingham, or can easily get, then you may be interested in this event. Places are limited and you will need to book, so to find out more about this event and how to book, then please visit the link below.

We are holding a free event at Nottingham Contemporary on 23rd July 6-8.30 pm where we will be discussing innovative work that the Self-Harm Research Group (University of Nottingham) have being doing with Harmless and young people on finding new ways to talk about self-harm and eating issues. You will hear from a range of people […]

via Cafe Connect: A night of findings. Join us, 23rd July — IMH Blog (Nottingham)