Merry Christmas to my blogging family and friends

I just wanted to leave a post to wish you all a Merry Christmas and Best Wishes for the New Year.

Thank you for your wishes and not forgetting me while I have been taking my blogging break. I will see you in the New Year. x

Snowman holding a present with a house and Christmas tree in the background. A snowy scene. With the words Merry Christmas.

Advertisements

Chit-chat – catch up. (Final post for 2017.)

D.I.Y. Retreats

Since last post I written on a D.I.Y. retreat, I plan to create another one sometime before December. My next ones after will be the New year sometime and when ever I feel I need to do one, which will be at least every couple of months.
I know creating these compared to just having time-out, I really benefit from these because of creating a schedule of some kind. Knowing the benefits I get from doing these will come in handy when there are times I cannot afford a holiday, or simply on a day trip.

Tooth out

I had my tooth out finally, a couple of days later from when I unfortunately learnt of my cousin and her husband’s death. I made sure that I did nothing on the day my tooth was removed as advised, but also the day after. I allowed myself to sleep when needed. The tooth came out successfully, but I continued taking my paracetamol as I did have some discomfort from it. I was surprised that I did not feel self-conscious about this missing tooth, compared to the tooth itself, which I was. I go back later for impression to be taken and then back to a later appointment for fitting of this false tooth.

Linkedin

I have closed my Linkedin account as I felt my opinions using this remained the same, after trying it. In no way did I feel Linkedin helped me towards searching, or getting a job. Suggestions of jobs were mostly nothing I was after and when they were, they were not anywhere near me. I know I want to move, but the distance of some of these jobs were impossible. Searching for jobs I used my usual ways and at no point did I need to use Linkedin. As for job I did get, see below.

Job update

I heard from one of the two jobs I last applied for and I went for a job interview, which went well and they were impressed with me. There were more to be interviewed though that day and on another day the following week, but they did say when I would know by, whether I got the job or not.
They made my interview accessible to me, by making sure they spoke to me while facing me and not covering their mouths and I felt comfortable with them and hopeful that my disability would not be an issue with them. I learnt the day I was expecting to know, in the evening and I got the job. This is such a relief for me. The next step was filling in a form with medical details and I am awaiting on a further email to confirm when I can actually put my notice in. So when I am back to blogging next year, I should be able to give you a quick update on how things are in the new job.
Again, like with my job before, I won’t be exactly saying in detail where I am working, other than it’s another cleaning job. It’s in the next town from me and I hope that if another position ever came free in a morning, that I would also be able to apply for that too and build up my hours. Until then, I need to be flexible and cover mornings when required, so my pet business plans are on hold. But I don’t mind this and I still plan to continue with my pet study course, as it could still be useful in the future.

My hand

As you know when I last gave an update about my hand, I did not get all my results back. This meant I only knew about my blood test, but not the x-ray.
I continue to take my vitamin D supplement, which I will continue to do until spring arrives.
I have finally received my x-ray results back and everything is fine, so I did not need any follow-up appointment. I still have some discomfort, but it is much better than it was and it doesn’t cause much of a problem.

Volunteering

I still and will continue to volunteer for Ashfield Play forum, while I can, but I have called it a day at LEAP (REBOOT.) I decided to finish earlier than planned from due to  family bereavement. But also, if I can, I plan to get involved in any way I can to help in regards to bringing down the speed limit on the road, that killed them. I have written to the person concerned at a Parish Council, who has been trying for the last 14 years to bring the speed limit down, so it’s all the same, as it varies at different parts of this road.

Driving lessons

I have my further driving lessons to come, since passing theory and hopefully I will have more news on how I got on with this, next year.

Last post of 2017

This will be my last post of 2017 and I will see you all in the New Year.

I need to take time out and get my head together. During this time, I will rarely be checking for any comments on my blog, but when I do, I will publish and reply at times.
As for my emails, I am not going to be available there much. I don’t know how often I will check them, so please bear with me. (I will be activating some kind of automatic away announcement.) As for my close friends who I see personally, I suggest you message me via Facebook, for a quicker response.

Christmas

My Christmas tree I still plan to put up, which it is going up in memory of my aunt Mona. These who have followed my blog for some time will know it did not go up last year, as it was a very difficult time prior and leading up to her passing away on New Years Eve. When New Years Eve approaches, it may be difficult again, on top of the above and bring unexpected emotions, but it will remain lit day and night when I am at home.

Stay safe everyone and I will see you some time next year.

Double heartbreak

As you know from my last post, I had heartbreak on the Sunday when discovering two family members died. A friend came to take me down to where flowers had already been laid, so I could see for myself what I had read. I can’t believe I won’t be seeing their smiles no more. That is what I will remember first about them; their smiles. I used to stay over when I was a kid, either at the weekend, or for a few weeks. I loved my time with them.

R.I.P. Sandra and Michael.

You were both taken too soon. You were not ready to go yet, as you had many more years to enjoy together.

“You were much-loved by me as you know and it comes as a shock to me and my mum; Doreen, that you have gone. You have been taken early. I find this so hard to take that you both won’t be around smiling. May you be together and smile down on the people you loved.

Love Elizabeth and Doreen Fisher”

flowers and note I left

PIP assessment

Yesterday’s post did not mention my PIP assessment I had, as I did not want to drag away from what I was feeling that night in the previous post. It was a long day for me yesterday, as I was up at 5.45am. I was going to get up at 6am, but when I woke up then, I thought I’d get up. I was surprised I wasn’t tired with lack of sleep, but obviously, by the end of the night, I was knackered and drained by the time of the work scenario.
I was up early, as I had to compensate setting out earlier than normal as mum was coming with me this time. So I wasn’t alone.
When we arrived in Nottingham and literally around the corner from the place of where the assessment would take hold, we had a hot drink and a little something to eat, till it was nearer to time for my appointment. I did not lose my way this time and for going the right way this time, I could see there was more options to visit till appointment time. The cafe we had chosen was Tuckers, which was opposite the Kitty Cafe. The staff were nice and welcoming and we actually went back there after my assessment for lunch, before making our way home.

As you will know, I have been worried about the PIP assessment due to not feeling that the form suits people with a hearing loss. Also from what I have read and heard from people affected directly with regards to it, in which people who are entitled, lose it. On top of that, as you know, the first time it was cancelled and I did not know until I arrived there, in which I found it was them who tried to phone me, even though my PIP form clearly stated to only use my mobile number for texting, as deaf. They also did not book my Lipspeaker. So I had every right to feel concerned about this appointment.

After signing myself in and meeting my Lipspeaker, the first call was the toilet for me, then we made our way downstairs to wait in a private waiting room outside the room where I would be assessed. While waiting for my turn to be assessed, it was a chat with my Lipspeaker to get to know one another with not meeting her before and for her to know how I would like her to help me, finding out if I knew any sign and if I wanted her to use that too.

The assessment

When it was time to go in the room, I pointed to the chair for my mum to sit at and I sat next to her, facing my Lipspeaker and the woman who was to be assessing me. After the formalities were out-of-the-way, in which I decided I wanted to see if I could lipread and hear the assessor first and if not, then I would look at my Lipspeaker, for her to repeat what she had said.
I found the assessor had a tone of voice that was right for me, but there were times after trying to lipread her for a while that I did end up using the Lipspeaker to get it repeated. When my mum spoke to add her part, I relied on the Lipspeaker to tell me what she had said every time, as she was sat a little further back from me and I can’t lipread sideways on, on top that I don’t hear my mum as well now.
Some questions were a repeat that were already on the PIP form and some were new. This gave me a chance to add, or amend anything by doing this. Every time the assessor spoke to me, she always looked at me directly so I could see her face. She never covered it and when she asked some certain questions about my hearing loss, I felt with this and making sure she always looked at me when she spoke that she had awareness. I have read how some assessors have not been helpful and done tests that were not acceptable towards deaf, but I have never received anything in the assessment room that was not acceptable. She only asked questions, nothing else.
My assessment was under an hour and although it was relaxing in the room, I wasn’t fully relaxed because of questions I would know that would possibly come, when it came to talking about my depression and anxiety. I thought more questions were going to be asked than that with regards to my depression, so just when I thought I may not hold it  together on the subject she asked me, it was on to a different topic.
I did have tears in my eyes after a particular question about how I feel and why. I don’t know if it may have been obvious to her. It’s not nice saying how you truly feel in front of your own mum, that you wish you were dead and that I have thought these thoughts, I just not acted on them. I just instead wished that when I went to bed to sleep at night, that I did not wake up the next day.

My opinions after my own PIP assessment

As I have mentioned, staff are pleasant and so is the assessor. The environment was relaxing and welcoming, even though I was not relaxed. The assessor always looked at me when she asked me questions and never ever covered here face. She even used some sign herself when she spoke, which was nice. I have the confidence that what I said, is down on those notes, but because of how I feel about the PIP application process, I still wonder whether I will get it. The waiting will be long, because of the back log, so it will be many weeks before I know anything, so until then my DLA continues, till they make their mind up at DPW.

Hoping 2

Last time I written a post about hope, was just over a month ago and I hope again. I am feeling desperate after another work night and as I write this, I am trying to calm my anxiety down. I am upset, feeling nausea and I can feel a migraine coming on, so as soon as I air this, I am off to bed. I shall let my cat sleep with me, as I know she senses my upset. She was upset from what she picked up, but is happy on my lap as I write this now.

I am hoping I can get through the next 2 days at work, then it is a long weekend. A very long one, due to having my tooth out next week.

I am hoping to get through tomorrow morning, when I visit someone who would like a small favour. Then I am hoping I get through my shift, later that day, and the next day, as already mentioned.
I would like to phone in sick, but this would be awkward to do, I think on so many levels. Not me. Them.

I am hoping I can be myself on Friday, because I have a job interview.
I am thankful I have this interview alone, but I am hoping (and desperate for this job.) My mum says to try to not get my hopes up, but I can’t help it and I am desperate. I really need this break. If I am unlucky to get this job, I would apply again if it ever came up. I would not give up. But I am hoping I will get this. I don’t know what I would do if I did not.

That’s my hoping for now.

Chit-chat – October

Learning

I received my certificate for Health Care (Foundation) with BSY, near the end of September, which I received ‘High Merit’ for. As for my other home study; pet sitting course, I took a break from studying to feel refreshed after the effort I put in with the two courses at BSY, now finished as you know, except for still sticking my head in books to help with my theory test and learning to drive. By the way, if you have not already seen this post; Theory test; attempt 2, I passed and my driving lessons are in November.

My hand

I have nothing to report about my hand much, as I am having a problem trying to get an appointment at the moment with the doctor, to see about results. I still have pain, but it has eased a bit, but it can still catch me out. I still use my pain-killing gel and take paracetamol. I have limited to how I use my hand, like making sure I don’t put any exertion on it, which I think has helped too in reducing pain.

My tooth

My tooth that has been a long wait for to have extracted, is on the 17th October.
When I have been taking paracetamol, it has not only helped my hand, it has also helped to reduce the pain on this too. It is very tender to touch around the right hand side of my face, near my nose. The pain or discomfort seems to transfer to my cheek bone at times too. I will be glad when it comes out. I have felt nausea at times this past fortnight and I am wondering if it’s the abscess that is making me feel like this.

PIP

PIP assessment is this week and I am hoping this time they don’t cancel, because if I arrive there to find it has like last time, I will write a written complaint. Not that I will forget the last time at this weeks assessment, as I shall raise it there at the appropriate moment.

The job front

I will be glued to my email inbox to see if I hear from either of the cleaning jobs I applied for. One of them does not have a closing date, but the other does, which was last Friday. If I am lucky to hear from them, 48 hours before interview day, then the interview will fall this Friday.

To stay where I am at the moment

As you know from my last chit-chat, I had extra worry when I heard my rent was going up, while making my way to my PIP assessment. The extra worry on top of losing PIP, made me feel sick. After chatting with the person who manages the property on behalf of the landlord, I felt happier and a little reassured. So it has taken a little pressure off. As tempting as I want to move from the area now, I did not want to do it while I have my cat Miley. So as I continue to live here for how ever long I have Miley, I don’t want to move until I am ready to downsize, because the type of property I would want, I would not be allowed a cat. But if it turns out I did not get anywhere with this job and I heard from the other one which is local, then moving out of the area would be rather a stupid idea, as I could walk to it and so if this happened, then I would downsize to a property in my local area, if possible, when the time came. Wherever my next move would be in the future, I will be picky.

Finding the balance

The urge to move out of my area, I don’t think helped with how I was through other stresses I had, that I have blogged about in past posts, that affected my moods and how I was feeling. Although I still have the urge to live in another area, it is not as strong as it was. I think if I am in a better job, everything would follow on ok and everything else would balance out. I have seen this, while I am lucky for it to be calm at my workplace and making sure I have my time out moments like I did on my D.I.Y. retreat.

I also learnt after my retreat, that I need to make sure I don’t drink too many lattes when out and about, (unless it is the decaf kind) because know that having more caffeinated drinks than I usually would when out, does not help my anxiety.
Looking back after my D.I.Y. retreat, I am aware before leading up to that, that I was drinking a lot of lattes more than normal which became my comforter drink. When I felt tired, down and stressed, I would make my way out for that smooth latte from my favourite place. I can remember that every sip I drank, I enjoyed, but I also remember how I felt comforted, which replaced sweet food. Either not good, when you have too much. I am surprised I did no give myself a migraine, (or bad headache) and nausea with how many I had a week. So now, when I go out, latte I still have, but depending on how many I have already that day, or that week, it may not always be my first choice.

I have taken timeout this weekend. Not a set schedule like the D.I.Y. retreat, but still doing something.
Saturday morning, after feeding Miley and having my breakfast, I read a book, then I went out to a coffee and cake morning that a local shop was having to raise money for Macmillan. I met my mum there and while there, I browsed the handmade gifts in the store. I bought something for myself and the other was towards a Christmas present, to go with something else I bought earlier on in the year. Me and my mum then walked back to mine and chatted back at mine for a couple of hours over further decaf tea and decaf coffee.
When my mum decided she was going to leave, to make her way back home, I decided to make my way to Nottingham for a bit. This was to do some Christmas shopping while I had the money, while soaking up the atmosphere. I was just down there for a couple of hours, before coming back home to have my dinner, then I relaxed with book.
Sunday, after my breakfast and feeding Miley, I continued reading my book while the washer was on. Basically just having a lazy day and nothing else planned.