3 years today…

Today, I seen on my Facebook timeline a post I had written here that I thought I would re-share. It is 3 years today, when I decided I wasn’t drinking any more alcohol. Yes, I have felt at times I have fancied a drink, (for the wrong reasons,) but I have not touched. The urges are not strong as they were and I still feel this was the best decision for me to not drink again.
For those that are new to my blog and may not have seen my post that explained why I chose to stop, then this post you will find here.

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Unseen

(Content warning: childhood trauma, bullying, abuse and rape.)

Behind closed doors, it was unseen to the extent what was happening in my childhood. How it all affected me and how it affected my mum.

People knew what my dad was, like they thought. But they did not know exactly what he was like.
Until the last few months recently, while chatting about it with family members, they also did not know what he was fully like as they thought.

“If I’ll have known,” they said.

What would they have done?

At school I am bullied for my hair colour, for being quiet, and for what I wear. I chose a school where uniform was a must, to be like everyone else I thought. Yet, I was still made to feel different.

They bullied me verbally. If I wasn’t getting some line of verbal abuse already at home from dad at times, or witnessing some verbal abuse of some kind.

Those bullies feeling great in what they are doing, knocking down my self-esteem, but because of the unseen.
Hey, I already had no self-esteem!

Years down the line, I get married.
It should have been bliss.
But no, I found I was at hands of verbal abuse again and one time of rape.
The difference with me at that point, I wasn’t going to stay and put up with it. I already gave two chances when it came to respect, but it would start again after two weeks of bliss.
I left after the rape, which was the first and last time that was going to happen to me.
But again, this is the unseen. No one see’s what is going on what should be a happy marriage.
After a few months of chatting living back with my mum, I talked about the full extent of that relationship I was in and I realised that had I stayed in this relationship, it would have been the same as my mum was with dad.

Damage from that relationship affects me today. But not as it did.

Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. If someone experiences this and does not share with you, you will not know the unseen, because you are not there.

This post created after seeing the Daily Prompt: Unseen

Two years not drinking alcohol

It is two years today that I have not drank alcohol.

I gave it up as I found it to not suit me. I would feel low, or depressed an hour after having a glass or two of wine.

Prior to that, I had a time where I did not treat alcohol sensibly at one point, because of a relationship break up of 6 years. With that and how I felt at the time in other areas of my life, the aim was to just get drunk, not drink for pleasure. This last for a few months before I banned it from the house because I could not trust myself. Then later when I could, I drank sensibly until I realised that it wasn’t suiting me no more and I gave it up.

I have not missed it, but during that time I have had the odd times I have fancied a drink. Most for the right reason and a couple for the wrong reasons. But I never gave in to my craving for a dink and I still choose not to drink, as I feel better for doing this in many ways.

It was only just recently with a friend, that I was discussing about how long I have not drank alcohol and I did not realise it was so soon coming around.

Happy 2 years to me.