Why I am back early from my blogging break

I have enjoyed my blogging break, but I have also partly missed it. While way, I have had a lot of ‘me time,’ just doing what I want to do, on my own. I have also enjoyed spending time with a couple of family members on days I have seen them.

I have some stressful times as you know, and while I have been away from blogging I have had some ups and downs. But most of these have been ups, as I shared in my first post back from my blogging break.
I have dealt with these ups and downs in ways that are suitable for me, to get it out of my system, which two of them being doodles and sharpie drawings.

I came back earlier to blogging than planned because I wanted a distraction from earlier that day. For two hours, I had to talk a lot about negative stuff with someone from Welfare Rights who was helping me with my PIP application. Like many others who are or were on DLA originally, regardless if you had it for life, we all have to go onto PIP. But if you want it, you have to apply for it. Luckily the person who is helping me with my PIP is the same person who helped me with my DLA. But regardless I am having help with filling it in, it does not make the process any easier.
Talking about all the negativity of your disability, so it is filled in properly on the form to get across to them looking at it on how your disability affects you is hard work. I cried at one point while talking about the negative effects of my hearing loss, saying how easier just being on my own can be, so I can just be me and take my hearing aids out.  Comparing to before when I applied for DLA and now for the PIP, there is a lot more down on paper. I was there for two hours. To say the PIP form is thinner than the DLA form I remember, there is still a lot of writing had to go into it.

Originally my DLA was just for my hearing loss, (although other things were mentioned, but not important then.) Now I have to talk about my depression and anxiety.

Although I left the place where I met up with Welfare Rights person better than during my session, I did start to feel tearful again while eating lunch in town. A place where I was going to have originally lunch in was very busy, so I went to another cafe very near by. I felt a little edgy where I choose to sit, with the cafe being in the centre of the shopping centre and choosing to sit on a seat around the edge. I should have really sat somewhere more in the middle, then I may have felt less edgy.
Before going home, I thought I’d pop into HMV and buy a couple of CD’s to hopefully cheer me up a bit. I bought Ed Sheeran, ‘Divide’ and Anastacia, ‘Ultimate Collection.’
It took towards the evening though, when I was working with my colleague, before my mood picked up much better.


REBOOT Notts is a study that has been set up to see if an online peer support website, “The Big White Wall” is more or less effective in helping people with depression and anxiety, compared to freely available online information from the NHS (Moodzone).

If you live in Nottinghamshire and have symptoms of anxiety and/or depression, then you could volunteer for REBOOT.

Find out more here, at REBOOT.

Inspire me, my car driving friends.

Are you a manual car driver? Then I am calling on you to inspire me. 🙂

For some time now, I have thought about learning to drive, but it was always going to be in an automatic car. I seemed to feel surprisingly calm at the idea, but I did try to sway myself this year and try manual, but the thought of it just panicked me. After a recent chat with a family member on driving a car, he told me how you drive a car in a way that was easy for me to grasp. Although, the idea of driving a manual car, I still have doubts about, which is mainly hand and foot co-ordination. Also, I still wonder if manual driving is for me, because I have observed how many times a driver manually changes the gears while driving through the city and a seems a headache to me.

Now I have never driven a car, so these are only my thoughts about driving a manual car and not experiences, so this is where you come in. Do you drive a manual car? If so,  going back to prior having lessons, did you used to think to yourself I don’t have hand and foot co-ordination? This is my concern when driving a manual car; having gear and clutch co-ordination. Did it end up that co-ordination with the clutch and gears were better than what you originally feared?

Share me your thoughts and inspirations to me and for others who may be reading this and feeling the same as me, when it comes to driving a manual car.

My anxiety…

Post edited, after realising a mistake I made. Did you spot it before? (That’s a live sharpie for you. If you didn’t, you will still spot the mistake anyway, as I just crossed out and edited my sharpie accordingly.


A year ago, on 5th February…

I don’t know if you have realised, but I have only realised how my blog was one year old, on 5th February. It all started with my first post, Hello world.
When I first started writing this blog back then, I did not realise how long I would write this for. I did not have any long-term goals for it, other than this blog be therapeutic for me.
I have met some lovely supportive people via WordPress and who are mostly bloggers themselves. You have shown me what a supportive, lovely bunch you can all be, to say you have not met me personally and only know me through my blog. (Although there are friends who read this too and have met me, or know me personally in some way. Some are even from when I wrote my deaf blog.) Although I have said thank you before for following my blog, I thank you again.

I have expressed some triggering contents in my posts. A lot of them was at the beginning of my blog journey and for those who have read this blog from the beginning, will know certain things I had to do, to help me on my healing journey after counselling had finished. I also revealed bullying and the effects. (As if I did not have enough already in my childhood.)

This year, I revealed for the first time publicly, how one time I was raped some years ago. I shared this after #ITSNOTOK campaign. I felt such relief by sharing this, than I personally expected and weight off my shoulders. I suppose because I felt shame underneath, which I know I should not. It goes to show rape can happen anywhere and #ITSNOTOK.

I have learnt from feedback received, that this blog is a positive inspiration for you in lots of ways. I am happy to hear this and while I feel the need to write, I will continue. This blog covers a wide variety of things as I grow. It will still cover depression etc… whether I share my bad days, or news I learn from elsewhere, but also it will still cover my wellbeing at times and learning I do. There is also my garden that has caught interest with some readers last year. I do plan to share further this year, than I have already. So if you want to continue following the garden progress, then do keep reading.

Update on my mental health and wellbeing

This morning, I seen my doctor to review my antidepressant which I currently take every other day. I discussed with him how I felt near the beginning after a couple of weeks at starting to take them at this dosage. I then explained how last month has been especially not good, due to grief of losing my aunt on new years eve and how it was also difficult the last 48 hours before she passed away, because we had a few occasions expecting her to pass away, only to hold on for another day.
I also explained that the whole of last month nearly, was dominated by a very bad cold and that I still have a sore muscle from all the coughing I did still.

So, at the moment, because of the above and how at the moment I feel I am up and down with my emotions, we decided it was best not to lower my antidepressant any further and to keep it at the dosage I am currently on. I am to go back in and see him in four months time and we will discuss how I am doing then, and what we will do next. In the meantime, between now and then, should I ever feel any worse, not to hesitate to make an appointment.

As for my sore rib, sometimes it can take longer, as I am experiencing, so all I can do is go with the flow, taking it easy and rest when needed. Eventually the discomfort will finally go.

I also let him know about me being allergic to the Cetraben cream and so it would need coming of my repeat prescription. I mentioned I did not need any alternative, as I will continue with what I was using before, along with another I am finding even better.

Symptoms of anxiety that you may not know about

Courage Coaching

Anxiety can affect our body in so many ways that sometimes it is very hard to differentiate  between anxiety or something much more serious.Some symptoms are exactly the same as symptoms caused by more serious health problems, so how do we tell the difference? 

It is usually helpful to get check ups with a doctor to rule out anything more serious but most of the time, a doctor can tell you if what you are experiencing is caused by anxiety.

angst-807726_960_720The below symptoms were directly sourced from: www.anxietycentre.comThis website is the most helpful and detailed website out there regarding anxiety, that I have recommended to clients, those suffering from an anxiety disorder & also therapists.

This would be useful, to anybody out there who suffers with Generalised Anxiety, OCD, phobias, panic disorder, PTSD, CPTSD & Social Anxiety.

This website, helped me identify a lot of my own anxiety symptoms…

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Anxiety update

After my post last night, where I revealed about my anxiety, I wanted to let you know that after that post aired, I went back to this blog post at, Gentle Kindness. After reading it, to refresh on self-soothing, I went to bed. I reached for something soft, which was my fleece blanket. Normally this goes across the foot of my bed on top of my duvet, but I moved it so it was underneath. I curled into it, enjoying the warmth and the touch of my fleecy blanket.

This morning, I felt much better and I did not feel tearful. I got stuck into my studies for an hour or so that morning and then a couple of hours in the afternoon. That lesson now on its way in the post.

Work was ok and good like last night. Mostly I was ok, with exception of maybe feeling a little down for 20 minutes and a slight wobble of anxiety, but I plodded on doing my job. The shift went very quick.

I now have been enjoying tv as I write this with fleecy blanket on my lap; Miley on top. I am tired and so hopefully I will have a good sleep and another good day tomorrow.

I hate it when my anxiety goes on an unexpected wobble, or worst.


Anxiety has been creeping in a little. More so recently. As usual, I hide it well to people, but I do not do that deliberately and I am surprised to hear I hide it well still.
A couple of scenarios happened. One at home, which I did not want to do, but I had to nip it in the bud. Although I was rightly to be annoyed and to complain about this, my anxiety rose because of the worry doing it. I complained directly with appropriate people, via a letter. Thankfully, this was acted on by them appropriately and I am thankful for this, because the last thing I wanted to do was to take my complaint further.
Later, the same day, my anxiety rose as it was getting nearer to go to work. But all was good in the end and eventually, my anxiety lessened.

As I write this post though, I feel a little anxiety. I don’t know why. I feel a little tearful too, which I am trying to ignore. Hopefully tomorrow, will be better.

Related posts:

I hide it well – Anxiety

Letter to my anxiety