On the outside I might be shouting at times, but on the inside I am breaking.

I have been that stressed and fuming with the things that I have gone on. But just because I am extremely vocal at times, fighting for my rights, on things that shouldn’t be happening in the first place, doesn’t mean at these times I am feeling strong. I have had enough. I am tired. My anxiety is there and with certain providers due to experience received, I do not trust. I am not sleeping well due to some of this.

As I write this, I am out in town early. I will soon queue up in the cold outside, to be early for CAB, to avoid hopefully any queue. I hope that by the time I am out, the issue is sorted regarding this old bill sent to me by the administrators of Spark Energy. Another issue I should not be dealing with, as this bill was paid. Another day I am wasting. I am fed up. Administrators are supposed to be working with Spark Energy. If they were, I wouldn’t be receiving this. But then, given experience I have had, it shouldn’t come to no surprise.

Where would I be, if I did not have friends near and, far,  and that of includes my blogging friends here. My mum has been big help.
Although things started getting difficult last year, January has been a tough month of all.

Thank you to each and every one of you, whether it’s through my blog I know you, or personally.

For the first time tonight, I did not want to go home.

For the first time tonight, (on 29th January) I did not want to go home after work.

I left my home at 3.30pmwith plans for a visit at a cafe, have a drink, while using WiFi. Instead, I left upset, shaky and went straight to work.

This post is completely the opposite of what I have in draft, that I written earlier today. I thought I was going to air a post describing how my January did not end up being so blue. But now, I write how I have had enough.

So what caused me to be upset?

The neighbour upstairs. That neighbour I said in an earlier post that he had something in his hands that could get him arrested.
Once again, he has allowed his dog to foul my door mat outside. He has come back from walking his dog and it has pissed on my door mat and there is shit on the mat opposite. I discovered this about 3.30pm. This is not the first time this has happened.

I told all at work. My boss being supportive. No one from police hub was available at that point to speak to today, as they have a changeover at around that time I start work. But tomorrow, I will be speaking about everything.

About how 5th January this year, that moment I witnessed through my spyhole of  neighbour who lives above, waving a shotgun around. Yes, that is what he had and yes, I now say it here, that I felt I could not say here in Tainted view.

I will be mentioning this dog fouling he is doing, showing photos taken today and how it’s happened before.

I will also be revealing my concerns of the neighbour above, who likes to throw his cigarette butts carelessly out the window. I have watched a couple this year land in a bush, smoking away still. My concern is when summer comes, if we have a good one, that there is a risk of a fire, because of this carelessness.

Today has left me pasty, with me being shaky today, because I have had enough. But work has been supportive. Including my landlord, after I filled him in.

Now tomorrow is tell all with this, to a warden from police hub. This is all new experience to me, when this happens tomorrow.

Post update on the hand that gives, is also the hand that can bite!

A short post to update on the The hand that gives, is also the hand that can bite! post.

I have been looking around the council website and realised that the request of it going further to the Review Board I made is probably the wrong direction, because it is not about the money, it is about the service and also that letter I received where I was judged. So I have sent another email on this, saying just that and where my complaint will be going, because I do expect an apology for that judgement made.

I have also requested that I would like a copy of the statement I signed back in November 2018, so I can check nothing has been edited since it left my hands and that if they don’t like that, that I say, then to imagine just how I was feeling with their judgement they made. I want that copy sent to me within the next three weeks by post, or email.

Once I have that and I have checked that is fine, I shall write my formal complaint – stage 1 process. The form I have downloaded ready for it.

Blog post re-share: Why Those of us That Can, Must Fight — The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

I would like to share this post with my readers, from The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog.

I also agree with the first commenter in that blog post too, by Alanpenrose5654.

Do take a read of this blog post and the comments. Also, if you are not already following this blog, I totally recommend you do.

I hope that all of us in the mental illness blogging community have the same goals–to end the stigma surrounding mental illness. I believe that to keep the fight going and maybe educate those that have never walked a day in our shoes, it is imperative to share your story. We are all unique, and though we may share similar symptoms of our collective illnesses, it is how you deal and your past that might help future mental illness sufferers.

via Why Those of us That Can, Must Fight — The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

The hand that gives, is also the hand that can bite!

As you will know in January, I had enough, if you read this post; Oh, go away January! I mentioned in that post of another issue I was having, the council from the district I left. This post is an update on that issue. I ended up paying it! No surprise there, because I have been reading up that even if the council is at fault, they will still claim back. I have also paid it now on principle, because I found their response even more insulting. They are making out that when I went in November, that I was aware of being paid benefit that I was not entitled to. And that has what has really fucked me off. They have judged me on something I did not say, because I did not know at that time I had been paid. I have took this matter further, as it said in their letter I could do. They also commented that I did not provide the evidence to back up my claim why I should not have been paid. So the follow-up email shows, I hope, how offended I am by their reply. I have told them that I wasn’t aware they were still paying me when I went in November. I did not know they paid me this until I viewed my online banking account in December. I told them I went because I had a new council tax bill and this was what made me wonder if they had not closed it.

This is my email to them, below. I wish I could type you the letter I received from them today, but it was a very long letter. But my reply will highlight what has really got to me.

I am aware there are small typos in my email below, but I have left it like this to show how I responded to the council.

I don’t want any offer of money back, should they offer. Not that I think this would happen. But if they do, I won’t keep it and instead it will go to a charity of my choice. The whole argument I have with this, is that it should not have happened. It has not happened before when I moved in the Ashfield district. So why happen now? This is what I want them to acknowledge. I don’t want anyone else going through this.

Dear Sir//madam

After receiving your letter today, that was dated18th January 2019, I am not happy with your response and now I seek to request  that you take it to the Review Board, as you stated at the end of your letter. Please email me with regards to your Review Board process.

I am not happy with your response to how you make out my email dated 5th October 2018. When i written that email with details of everything required that I was vacating, that was an official notice. It wasn’t a warning what was to come, because this was happening. You were informed that day because i knew the details on that day.

When I came in on 5th November 2018 and made that statement. It wasn’t to inform you I officially left. I was there to complain about it and why it had been ignored. Hence I was asked to write that statement.

I have noticed how the service has slacked over the coming last few months and although I have not complained about that, I wasn’t going to let this one drop.

This what I experience, I have never experienced this before. I have done what i was asked, providing you information on moving in the same fashion as before. Yet this time, this happens. Why? I feel there is a cover up for your mistake and you are trying to pass the buck on me. I don’t like being made out that I am trying to seek extra benefit as if i am frauding.

I have always updated you accordingly and yet made out I was in the wrong.

I wasn’t aware until December that money had gone into my account by you, when viewing my online account. I acted in November on suspicion it had not been closed, because of receiving a new council tax bill.

You say I did not provide extra evidence on 18th January 2019. This was because you already have the evidence, which you have acknowledged in this letter! That email on 5th October 2018 was my official notice i was leaving and it should have been closed by you on 22nd October 2018, my leaving day or before, depending on how you are supposed to act on this information.

When I received that payment, I thought this was some overpayment owed, because around this time, i received council tax refund.

You have not explained why the papers were bundled in no particular order that confused me in November.

You have not explained why again when sending request to pay you back invoice why, you put that together, that it ended up going to old address, instead of new address?

You accept that and you apologise in letter on taking long to act on closing my account. Which if this was acted on in October, on my email received, we would not be having this conversation right now.

After I send this email, I will next pay that amount for the principle on what I say that I don’t con out of the council. The point is what I want acknowledged, which you have partly, but not fully, that you have not acted accordingly in closing my account when you should and that is clearly your fault because you did not close it in October with information supplied.

I do not want tis to happen to other people and I want you to make sure it does not happen to other people.

I will never return back to Ashfield to live for different reasons. But this one will be another that I  shall add to that list of reasons not to return.



Miss Elizabeth Fisher

So it’s the weekend

I don’t know if these posts will become regular thing, because as you know, I did another post like this just last week of the same title. But they may crop up from time to time.

So this weekend has been difficult with the dramas going on this month, that I have blogged about. Fatigue has been a big thing in parts, caused by stress and anxiety from the dramas that started it. One drama ended and another begun, which I look forward to their complaint I sent, because it’s them clearly in the wrong.

This weekend, the fatigue has really hit me. Saturday I thought was difficult, but this morning, I really struggled to get up. I had to get up because I was going to meet a friend. But this ended up being cancelled by my friend. How tempting going back to bed, because of my fatigue. I did not go back to bed though and instead made alternative arrangement’s with myself.
This involved walking and my camera on my phone for the first part. I wanted to recreate an old photo I came across last weekend, while in the library. This is all to with my interest of the history near where I live, as well as where I live.
After recreating that photo to see where original was taken, I took photos of where I live. This is so hopefully, when I further research where I live, I hope to come across photos of how the land looked originally, before the block of flats I live in, were built there. I want to see what it looked like, when it was just the house and land, with this tennis court that used to be there, before the flats I was in. I will talk further on this in a later post.

After I done that, I just went for a walk up the road, observing things and possible businesses I could write to, to see if they have any cleaning vacancies.

I am now in the cafe, after doing a small shop, buying cheese, baked beans and tuns and regardless of my walk, I still feel as fatigued. It’s still tempting to crawl back in bed. But I shan’t, because once I have had my cuppa and dropped off my shopping, I shall walk in the other direction and go into town to use the library.

I hope you are having a lovely weekend. My weekend is certainly better than last week, regardless on how I feel.

What are your plans?

So since last post regarding Spark Energy

So since last post regarding Spark Energy: So update regarding issues with Spark Energy I finally made contact with a manager. I made contact with her originally on 12th January, but I did not know that then as I passed on my full name, account details and complaint in a DM, on Twitter. I thought I was possibly speaking to another customer advisor, which I did not want and so left a rather ranted message. This manager emailed me the next day in the afternoon, introducing herself and for apologising that the customer advisors never forwarded me to the manager. So I had a reference number for my complaint and she offered £50 goodwill, which would then close my complaint. I accepted the £50, but I also said that I want reassurance also that this will never happen again, because at this point I had lost faith and trust in them, due to what I have experienced. So we discussed my account, the problems I have had, what has been done and what hasn’t.
My account has been updated accordingly, but the historic readings can’t, because of that being my old account that they can’t access, before Spark Energy went into administration, as when it was took over by Ovo, new accounts were created. She reassured me nothing would come up unexpected because of that.

I did not have to, but I felt I should, because I still felt they needed the proof with regards to my gas meter, so I sent a photo of my original reading I taken when I moved my gas to Spark and I also gave them two more recent photos of my meter, one showing reading as it was then, which also shown everything else about this meter that my original didn’t, as well as one from Samsung slight distance, to show where my meter is. If it wasn’t for my own benefit, then I felt it was for Spark Energy so they details about this meter, with a question being asked by an advisor if there had been a meter exchange. I did not want the next person living in this flat, when one day I move and they have to go through unnecessary crap to prove their meter readings.

So since communicating with this manager, things have gone in the right direction and I am starting to relax.

My next communication with her, will be when I give her my next meter reading for my electric. But when it comes to me submitting them directly on my account in the future, that’s where I am not confident they will be used on my bills and the same errors crop up and I get estimated bills. If this does happen, I shall contact the manager directly and not the advisors.

As much as I want my preferred suppliers, I am holding off due to all that has gone off since living where I am. I am hoping while I stay with Spark Energy, I see a difference down the line and no repeated same errors.
I feel reassured by the manager, but it’s seeing how future bills go that I still need to be convinced about. Time will tell.