Chit-chat July

So as you know, I took a blogging break. My mind was getting in a further mess of confusion. I felt overloaded, yet I wasn’t. I just couldn’t cope with how my brain was feeling of further confusion and, forgetfulness and my blog that started as therapy for me, when I first started writing this blog meant I just couldn’t be arsed to write and air what I was feeling, because it felt like too much work.
I was tired. I have been feeling tired for a long time as you know, as well as stressed. I wanted and needed to switch off. If I could have locked myself in a room for a week, or two without any form of contact, I would have done that.
It meant also not reading other people’s blogs, as well as avoiding mine. But at times, when I felt really good, I allowed myself to read the odd blog posts, liking theirs and maybe commenting. But I made sure my time was short.

So did my blogging break help?

Yes, surprisingly it did. I am still forgetful and I don’t expect this to improve, but feeling in general now to before, I feel much better, mentally. But I wasn’t expecting it to, with how I felt back then. This is my first post, since back from my blogging break.

I thank my kind readers and friends for their kind supportive comments, whether here on my blog, by email, or personally. 

Asthma

To top it off, which some of you will know already, my asthma has been very troublesome this year. It affected my sleep in the end, for nearly two weeks, because I was waking up through the night every 2 hours, or less. But the asthma (and cough) itself had been going on much longer than this, before it disrupted my sleep.
I was proper pissed off. If I wasn’t tired enough, I now had to face disruptive sleep, until asthma (cough) was more under control, as well as being pissed off and frustrated with my coughing and limits it was putting on me, because I wasn’t walking out to he extent I was before.

I have had asthma for years, but it’s never been an issue. So for the first time in all the years of having asthma, this year was the first year I can say it was a nuisance.
I have had one nurse appointment that led on to having a doctor’s appointment, as the nurse was concerned on a few things.
At this first doctor’s appointment, after examination and discussion, I was given a short course of steroids. I felt third day in on them that my chest felt lighter and by the fourth day, that night, I got my first decent nights sleep. But my cough was still a pain and gasping for breath with it. And I still wasn’t myself. I also started coughing up blood towards the weekend, so this led to me making a second appointment at my doctor’s.
At my second appointment, I was examined and we chatted. My examination shown, like at my first appointment that there were no sign of a chest infection, but because my cough was no better and because of the coughing up blood, he thought it might be worth having a short course of antibiotics. These antibiotics were a strong dose and I seen further improvement in the end. I just have the odd coughing bout now, which varies in extent, depending on weather and pollen.
I also had a chest x-ray, which turned out to be ok.

I am glad that my throat no longer feels like razor blades from coughing, but I am seeing if the rest may calm down on it’s own. If it doesn’t and I am not back to my full self, I shall go back, which if this is he case, I may have already done it by the time this post airs.

Dairy free

Before my cough got worse, I already decided I was cutting out milk and yogurt again, using soya alternatives instead.
I am also only going to have:

  • dairy free butter
  • dairy free ice-cream
  • diary free chocolate

The dairy free chocolate I find more satisfying. The bar lasts me much longer, as I only take a few pieces at a time, where a dairy bar of the same size, I will eat all in one go.

I did this again, because I know by cutting out milk and dairy yogurt alone, the phlegm is much less in the back of my throat, or not at all mostly, when I have done this before, when I have had the phlegm problem in the past. I am not cutting dairy out for any other reason, than this.

With the asthma being much worse, as already talked about than its ever been, the phlegm in my throat felt very bad, at my worst coughing. I can’t imagine how much worser it would have felt for me, had I not cut milk and dairy yogurt out at this point.

In the past, I have done it on a temporary scale for so many months, but the above I have done now, I am doing it more permanently. But going completely dairy-free in the long run, I don’t know yet. At the moment, the completely dairy-free way, I am definitely doing for the remainder of this year and into the New Year and re-evaluate from there as to whether I continue being dairy-free, or partly.
If I don’t have soya milk in my tea, I also drink it black and I will put a teaspoon of honey in my tea a couple times a day. This was something I learnt to like, when I felt I had to cut the milk out before. So no problems in doing it again. And I can drink coffee black.

As this post airs, it will be my first day of being completely diary-free, after slowly cutting dairy off.
I already know that it gets a little bit difficult, when it comes to eating out in some places, because I already know of two places in my local area, where I won’t be eating, now I choose to be dairy-free.
Do you find it the same?

The only hardest problem I felt for me, was giving up dairy cheese. Which is surprising to say, considering I don’t eat a cheese sandwich often. But that’s not saying I don’t like dairy-free cheese, because I do, as I have ate it before personally.
I have some in the fridge ready, for when I fancy a dairy-free cheese sandwich, or toastie

Do you have dairy-free cheese?

I found a very useful book from my local library, to help me on my dairy free journey. It’s called, “How to cook for food allergies,” by Lucinda Bruce-Gardyne. This book covers more than just dairy, so ideal if you have other food allergies. I bought a second-hand copy in the end, on eBay. I will talk about this book in a post of it’s own, a little later.

Are any of my readers diary free, in their diet?

Celebratory party

I went back to where I used to volunteer for their celebratory party. 35 years they have been serving the community.
It was first time they seen me since I left and when they knew I did not stay in the other job, they were quick to ask me back, if I wanted to come back. I told them that I may be in another job I am waiting to hear from, that’s possibly temp to permanent, so couldn’t say yet what I would be doing. But if it turned out it wasn’t happening, I would come back to help, until in another morning job. As long as they don’t give me another leaving due. We laughed on that and they said they wouldn’t. But if I wanted to come back, they certainly would have me.

Budget

So I may have only been in that morning cleaning job for a short time of not quite 2 weeks, but it was enough to know whether a second cleaning job would make all the difference to my budget.
I know that it doesn’t have to be 10 hours at least a week, as I first thought. I could take on a job of at least 8 hours a week and, with that and my other cleaning job, I would be able to live on it without struggling, as well as being able to save.

DVD’s watched

  • Cold Mountain
  • The General’s Daughter
  • The Stray, A True Dog Tale.
  • Replicas (staring Keanu Reeves)
  • (Re-watched) The Phantom of the Opera at the Royal Albert Hall
  • Life
  • Unbroken
  • (Re-watched) A Stitch in Time
  • (Re-watched) The Square Peg
  • Sherlock, series 1, 2, 3 and 4.

Books

I have not read any books for some time, other than the last book I need to get back into and continue reading; “The Highly Sensitive Person,” by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. So this month, I have read, “The Little Book of Bob – Life Lessons from a Street-wise cat,” by James Bowen, which I bought from The Works.
Then I read, “Hope Was Here,” by Joan Bauer, which I got from the library.

I look forward to seeing you back here and chatting with you. Again, thank you for your support 

There are plenty of posts scheduled here, which I hope you are looking forward to.
I hope to get back into joining in with “Fibbing Friday” and “Working on Us,” prompts too.

Chit-chat June

My new job

3rd June, I started my new morning cleaning job.
As you will know from earlier posts, I wasn’t too sure about this job. But both my employer and the client where I am cleaning, are nice, which makes it relaxing in that way. But my first day at work was not impressionable, as I revealed here: Job shopping.

After 4 days, I decided to put my notice in. I gave just over a weeks notice. I decided to do this after having a panic attack, prior to setting out. I had irritable bowel a few occasions, with the stress too.
After I put my notice in, both my employer and the place I clean tempted me to stay. But I did not. It wasn’t for me.
When speaking with the manager, she apologised for coming across the way she did, on my first day. She did not mean to cause me stress. As I have said before and I said to her, I totally got where she was coming from, but she did scare me a little.
It turns out she is happy with my work and wanted to know how she could reduce my stress, which I discussed, but said I am not going to stay, because I am not impressed who I work for, as I wasn’t impressed with my line manager on my first day, which we talked further about.
We also chatted about other things. I said they wouldn’t see the last of me as I will come here for lunch at times, when I can afford to. I do like it here, but the job is not for me.

Something else is in the pipeline, possibly, work wise though. I basically will be cleaning for my same employers that I have worked for now, for over year, that I have enjoyed every minute of. The only difference, is a new area to clean at and a different person to speak to, for this job. This morning cleaning job is less hours. But it may go up to some more. It’s temporary, to possibly permanent, because of the circumstances. I chose to accept, whether this turn out to be permanent, or not. I am currently waiting on this, if it is still happening. I shall have to email on the matter, in another week, if I hear nothing more.

Supporting mum

I supported mum with her appointment, to do with her mental health. An appointment my mum did not want to attend, or travel to. So I got to see this psychiatrist for the first time, who my mum has seen before. This psychiatrist was really nice and when we left, mum said she liked her. I just had to laugh, because of how this dislike now became to be a like.
The mental health team that have been there since mum was discharged from hospital, have discharged my mum and she is now seeing a CPN, who reports back to her psychiatrist.

Day trip in Oxford

I met up with my friend, in Oxford. It’s been some time since we last met and this year was precious, with me only being able to visit Oxford once this year.
I received a lovely parcel from my friend of goodies, to put a smile on my face. Which it did and all put to good use.

Stone art

I have been doing some stone art for the first time last month.

(Images of these two stone arts below are mine. © Elizabeth Fisher.)

Mum likes the hedgehog and wanted me to paint her one. Paying me for it, so asked me what I would charge, if I decide in selling these, if I did more. This current hedgehog and my ‘breathe’ stone art is not for sale, but as I said to mum, if I paint another hedgehog, the pebble needs to give me the impression of a hedgehog.
These photos were taken before I varnished them and are now, or are finished being varnished in matt varnish, as this post airs.

New commenters on my blog, beware.

I am noticing I am getting new followers, or just new commenters, that when they decide to leave comments they leave only words along the lines of, “nice post,” or “great post,”
I have started to challenge those commenters by asking on the lines of, “What did you find nice/great about it?” As I expected, I didn’t get a response back. So readers beware, if you do start to leave comments like that, especially if you are not a regular commenter, or it’s first time commenting, I am not going to air a comment that just says “great post,” or similar. You need to explain further why. I would rather you just click the like button, after reading, if you can’t emphasize on the “great post,” comment. Thank you.

I would like to remind new commenters also, if your comment feels spammy and nothing to do with post in question, it won’t get aired.

And any comments that have a link in the comment, will be edited and removed. This was one of many things that annoy me, as I mentioned in this post when I re-shared another blogger’s post on the topic. That can be found here: Blog post re-share: 7 Telltale Signs Of A Desperate Blogger — Renard’s World.
Any comments I do edit, readers will know, because I will write below in that comment inside brackets, pointing out I edited it and why. Like for example, links removed. But if the comment has no meaning to topic, it simply won’t get aired.

I have already started editing comments before this post aired, that broke my blog rules.

I have always stated on my Policies/Disclaimer page about editing comments accordingly if they don’t follow my blog’s rules. I have also done posts reminding readers of this. Mostly, I have readers that follow this, but some are creeping through that are not, so I will be hitting hard and following my rules from now on.

I have started volunteering somewhere else

I have started volunteering in my own local area of Mansfield, for a local conservation group. My first meet up was one Saturday, for litter picking. I went around with another volunteer and I spent nearly two hours picking up litter, around Quarry Lane Nature Reserve.
It was the first time I have been on this nature reserve and it was lovely. I was impressed and I enjoyed participating with the group of volunteers. I hope to join in with them, on future events.
There are regular various events and people just dip and out of these different events. You come and do what you fancy.

DVD’s watched:

  • (Re-watched) As Good As It Gets
  • (Re-watched) Sum of all Fears
  • (Re-watched) Man of Steel

Getting my remaining answers from HMRC Working Tax Credit (WTC) department

The second week into June, I received a letter from my local MP who was chasing up my remaining questions I had in regards to WTC.
Finally, those remaining questions were answered and now I can say case closed. But if it wasn’t for my local MP and his caseworker, I would not have got my answers. It has taken nearly two months to get my follow-up email of questions to be answered.
But my feelings still stand when it comes to WTC, or Universal Credit that gets so much bad press, that I will avoid these two benefits, regardless of any struggles.
Having these questions answered and having it in writing, puts my mind at ease and I can finally move on from this.

No more Mr squirrel, (or Mrs)

In all the time I  have lived where I currently live, I have only ever seen one squirrel in the garden of where I live. I would see this squirrel regular at certain times, but unfortunately, I will see this squirrel no more.
The weekend my mum came over and joined in with Fibbing Friday for the first time, on a Sunday morning when she came to set out and meet me after I had finished work, she came across a dead squirrel, just outside the grounds of the property, on the pavement. Mum got rid of it, as she did not want me to ser it. It upset her too and she wasn’t going to tell me. But thankfully, mum did. Mum knew how much I looked out for the squirrel. There has been no sighting of a squirrel, so as I already sadly assumed, it looks like it’s the one I used to watch. 

Asthma

This year, of all the years I have had asthma, I consider this year, the first year to find my asthma a nuisance.
After having my latest episode to continue for some time and nothing really changing after following my asthma care plan, I ended up going to the doctors.
I first seen the nurse, who was concerned on a few matters and so an appointment with the doctor was made for the same day, just a few hours later.
After examination and finding I had no signs of a chest infection, I was given a short course of steroids. If no better, to go back.
The sleepless nights that I have had, have just added to my exhaustion and so I may take an extended break from blogging.

Blogging break

And as most of you will know, I am currently taking a blogging break and won’t be back until later in July, as mentioned in an earlier post aired. So any comments won’t get aired until then and replied to. I may require a further break than planned. If that’s the case, I will post a further update, to let you know.

I thank everyone for their kind support and patience, while I take the required break I need.

Chit-chat May

I got round to updating this post: 50 things that make me happy.
Originally, when this first aired, I only managed to list of 45 things, but recently I went back to add some more, leaving just one I could not think of.

The problems with Gmail seem to be fixed. As you know, I was having problems with Gmail and I wasn’t the only one having this issue it turned out. I read of a solution that could fix it, which I either seen this suggestion in one of the posts I had read, when searching for the problem via the search bar while logged in Gmail, or in a separate Google search. I altered it accordingly in my Gmail settings, as I shared by updating this original post accordingly, There is definitely a problem with Gmail and I am not the only one with this issue. (NOW WITH A POST UPDATE!) It was then a question of seeing what happens when I written further emails with people, to see if it was fixed. A big smile when I seen that it had. But still strange how this all came out of the blue though.
For those that follow my blog by email meant you seen only half the above post, because it was after that was aired I discovered this possible solution a bit later and so I chose to update that post accordingly.

I have neglected on self-care at times, because of looking after mum. Especially in the early stages. Sleep has been distruptive, as you can imagine with worry and stress.
I’ve not always eating my fruit to the amount I would usually.
Sweet things have crept up more than normal, which I had gone out of my way to get it, regardless of not really being able to afford to.
The ‘red mist,’ had appeared out of no where at times, as you know. But also before revealing, I let out a couple of ranted posts prior.
I have been ranting to myself, or swore out the blue in my own home with frustration, when this has happened, as you know in It’s not all rainbows and fairies. But it’s what you make of it.. This starting quickly out the blue, that I will be definitely quickly stopping, because as you know, ranting and criticising at yourself, can become a viscous circle and not part of self-care at all. I’m not going there again. Why would I be my own worst enemy again? So I am looking at creating a new wellbeing journal again that will chart old things again like my mood, but in a different format to before possibly, as well as charting new things. I have a new journal for this. But until I have played about with some layouts on scrap paper and exactly know how I want it, I won’t be touching this journal. But I am hoping to have something set up soon. I could be already using it as this post airs.
In the long term, I think a journal that is a ring binder type would be best for me in the long run, as it would be more flexible and I can keep everything together. But I will be using this for a year, or less if filled earlier which I think will be more the case as my daily pages are over two pages, before changing to that type of journal.

What’s your preferred journal: Book, or binder type?

I am reading a new book called, “The self-care revolution,” by Suzy Reading, after creating the “vitality wheel” for myself, as part of my new self-care learning, that this book is based on. (I will talk about this sometime later on, over two posts.)

I allowed myself a new notebook for blogging, near the end of last month too. As you know, I was debating this when I written this post: Stopping at mum’s next week. I bought this one from The Works. It was only £2 for this hard-backed notebook, which I am using for my blog, so I did not argue this one. On the front cover of the notebook it says, “When it rains look for rainbows, when it’s dark look for stars.” But with this and my other new notebook I mentioned earlier, I haven’t done bad allowing two books now, after debating over one originally. Lol. I will share my other notebook later when I talk about this new book I am reading and the vitality wheel I have created.

dav

Month of painting

Not a whole month as you can imagine, but in preparation for when me and my mum leave our own places and live together, meant a bit of painting at mine and at my mum’s.
At mine, it was just the painting of my ceilings in the bathroom and kitchen was going to be the same. But in the end, I painted walls as well, because it was difficult to paint the ceiling around the top of my boiler without catching the wall. Luckily it’s small kitchen, which I took my time with, giving walls and ceiling two coats of paint.
At my mum’s, I also painted my mum’s bedroom walls and ceiling, as I mentioned when I talked about the need to be in Nature Heals.

It was also my birthday this month, as some of you will know, if you read last chit-chat post. My birthday being at my mum’s with a small group of family and friends, that my mum organised. But as well as mum doing this for my birthday, she also wanted to give thanks for me being there at the time my mum was unwell, as well as thanking my friend and some family members too.
I had a birthday cake made, that my mum ordered.

Pink birthday cake with lilac flowers icing, with words Happy Birthday Elizabeth

One weekend in May, I went for the day to Newark, to catch up with a friend.
The next day, I went to my local library which was holding a free event there. The event was The Great Nottinghamshire Local History Fair. It was well attended and had lots of stalls promoting their own thing related to this event. I found it very interesting.

I finally got round to walking around Southwell. Every time I have gone through this place on the bus, when traveling to Newark, I always kept telling myself that I would get off here one day and have a walk around.
I do wonder though, if I could have been here before in my teens, when it came to Southwell Minster, as when I got to a particular area inside, I felt I had been there before. I think I came to Southwell Minster when I was on Youth Training, as we came with members of our luncheon club as a day out and we took them to something like this building. I couldn’t remember at the time where and I thought we had gone further afield, but now, I think it was Southwell Minster we came to. We didn’t go anywhere else other than the building, because of only having a limited time and with some not being able to walk far.
After spending half a day here, I decided to catch a bus to Nottingham. The number 100 bus from Southwell to Nottingham, I have never caught before and not something I would have jumped on before, because of never being on that bus before and so anxiety would have stopped me doing so. But I did. It was a lovely scenic route in most parts and so a lovely ride. I just had an hour in Nottingham and, picked up my compost there and perlite.
Once home, I relaxed for the remainder of the day and did a bit of re-potting of some of my indoor plants. (My Parlour Palm and Spider plants.) My two Spiderettes, now more grown, I put together in one pot and my original plant where the Spiderettes cuttings were originally from, I re-potted the surviving plant out of three that were in a pot, on it’s own.

My trip to Windsor Castle

I have been to Windsor once before and I liked walking around. But I said to myself, if I ever went back, it would be to go round the castle. And so I did. But after looking round castle, I still had time  to walk a bit round Windsor and so I went where I had not been before, while still not far away from coach park.
Here are some photos.

You may remember that my trip originally was going to fall on my birthday, but due to a Royal private event, meant the trip was arranged for the week after.
I wasn’t expecting to find anything in the news for what this might be, but it turned out there was a wedding. You can read more about this, here.

DVD’s I have watched since last chit-chat post:

  • 2Guns
  • Dreamcatcher
  • Due Date
  • Training Day
  • As good as it gets
  • Sleepers
  • The Sum of All Fears
  • Man of Steel
  • Enemy at the gates

It’s already the weekend

So yesterday, was a trip to Windsor Castle, which a few photos will be shared in an upcoming chit-chat post.
It was a lovely hot day yesterday and I enjoyed my day, but understandably, I had to push myself to get up as part of me did not want to go leading up to the trip and I would have loved just to have stayed in bed and done nothing else. But had I have done that, I still would have felt tired and I would not have any enjoyment to the day.

I had a couple of hours looking inside Windsor Castle and when I felt the need to not walk around any longer inside there, I walked out and around the outskirts of the castle. This led on for me to see something different from before and I learnt not far from the coach park was a river, so I enjoyed discovering that.

Today, I am having a bit of a pamper day.

dav

I am pampering my feet with the foot socks, from Superdrugs I bought recently. I am in foot pain with my left foot currently and so trying not to walk as much as I would like. I am hoping it will fully settle soon. It is showing signs of setting, but I imagine it will take another week or two before it completely does. It will be two weeks on Tuesday when it started.

Here is the foot socks I have on and which I will take off after airing this post.

Foot socks containing the oil
mde

You leave them on for 20 minutes, but they will have been on slightly longer by the time I have aired this post. I have never used anything like this before.

After, I will use my face mask and then that’s my pampering done. The face mask is something I have had in a while and also from Superdrugs and their own brand; Cucumber Cooling Clay Mask.

I will then read some paperwork to do with my new job, one being handbook and another for their policies and procedures. So one before lunch I will read and the other after. I need to read this before I start and so it only leaves today if I do happen to start tomorrow morning. I will be surprised if I do, because it is a bank holiday tomorrow and I don’t know if those dealing with the admin side work on those days. But I will be ready,when they are.

I hope you are enjoying your weekend. Are you doing anything nice?

This has been one good storage box

This storage box I have had since my teens and it is still perfect, since the day I owned it. (I am 43 now.)
My mum bought me this, so I could store my art materials; pencils, felt pens and paints and whatever else then, I can’t remember.

Later, for a few years, all my nail varnishes, dotting tools, nail stickers etc… were in here, to make it easier to take to class when I did a nail art course.

Now, as in photos above, I have changed it back to my art box. I have my watercolour paints, acrylic paints, jars, paint brushes, mixing tray and dotting tools in this box.
I moved my nail varnish stuff into a clear box.

Do you have something, that you have owned for a very long time?

Post update on letter sent to my local MP

As you know in post, I hope it’s not going to get more difficult this year, I had a bit of a rant in that one and as I said ranted in that post,
I also sent a letter to my local MP and got my rant off my chest with him. Details in that above post link, if you need a reminder of what I ranted to him about.
A person that works alongside him quickly got back to me, (case worker) introduced herself and said she’d been asked to take on my case by the MP. She said that a letter has been sent to Working Tax department and as soon as they have an update, she’d get back to me and let me know where I stand on that situation. I replied back with my thanks, adding I hope they get a better response and reply to her, then they have done to me, saying it’s not the first time I have written to them and never heard.
If there was anything else I needed help with, just to email back.
I left it to that, as although I had a rant on different topics, the letter started off about WTC and that is my main thing. I just wanted to give an insight into my struggles currently.

So did they hear anything back from the WTC people?

Yes, they did and the letter sent to them was forwarded to me. HMRC have written it off and I owe nothing. This was because of the delay and failing to ask for it back when they should have done and my difficult financial circumstances and becoming a carer. They also apologised for not contacting me to claim this and also for never replying to my letters when I queried. Because of the worry and distress their actions have caused me, they are sending me a payment into my bank account in the next 14 days, although this amount they said is not intended to put a value on the worry and distress it caused. This small amount I received, I wasn’t expecting anything of any amount from HMRC.

When I read their response, I was both relieved and very angry at the same time and it raised a couple of questions also. One being was why did the money go up to what I was expected to owe in the letter?  So I sent another email to my MP asking them to forward that email to HMRC. The same day from them doing this for me, which I thanked the MP and the case worker helping me with this, they received a phone call from HMRC who let them know they had forwarded it to the complaints department to be escalated. So as soon as my MP and the case worker hear from them with a response, they will let me know.

HMRC may have written it off but because of that letter it added further questions I was not going to let drop. It has proved the point of why I have always said I will never apply for Universal Credit and also why I will never apply for WTC again.

I am also very angry that it took an MP to get my answer and that HMRC no matter what department has NEVER acknowledged any of my letters, including when I was dealing with my mum’s personal details and informing them in two letters, one being when she went in hospital and another when she was out back home, because if her having DLA. Yet if it was the other way round, I be expected to jump and get onto it basically.

I also raised how I observed at the beginning of this letter where they thanked my MP for his email and said that HMRC never offer email to people, yet he emailed. So I highlighted how once again HMRC are failing. Businesses are expected to comply with the law and make reasonable adjustments. As in my case it’s reasonable adjustment to offer email to me because I am deaf. Businesses do it, but HMRC don’t because they say it’s a security thing, yet here the MP has been able to email them.

My email that now will be in the hands of HMRC will show once again just how angry I am and how I feel that people like us, (low-income) are hit hard, but if you are rich, you get away with it.

I also added that if HMRC was a paid service business, they would not have a business because of them never answering queries, or complaints. So why is HMRC allowed to get away with it further? Again, to me it highlights just how there is a tier here, we (low-income) are expected to jump to what HMRC want, but HMRC just ignore us.

So when I hear further what they have to say, I keep you updated. But how I felt today with all these emotions, has just shown to me how stressed and triggered I am. I also realise I have been harbouring more stress than I realised and right now still, since yesterday, I still feel very angry. Angry in a way I have not felt for a very long time and so I hope I do get rid of this with the tactics I use and not let it overwhelmed me further.

Chit-chat early April

Early April, my mum got discharged from the mental health unit and is now back home. Being discharged this soon, I have to say I was surprised. But mum does have support by a team that support people her age with mental health issues, when they are discharged.
For the next 12 weeks from mum being discharged, someone will check on her daily at the time she chosen. If at any point mum wants to go out, or won’t be in around the time of her check, as long as she lets them know, she is fine to go out. It’s just knowing she is ok.
Her medication I took charge of to start with, but her chemist will deliver weekly due to her circumstances being that she overdosed originally and to help me with not living with her. Mum now has her meds in blister packs, which is new to her and the ward thought it would help her. Mum seems to find this ok.
Any unprescribed stuff that you can buy yourself like Paracetamol for example, I still take charge off. Mum is only allowed a tray at a time of Paracetamol.
When mum does eventually live with me, then I will be taking full control of her medication again, so that she only has a weeks supply at a time. It also means locking up my medication too, that would be harmful in the event of an overdose.

Mum finally got her inhalers sorted out, so that she could take them easier. Mum has arthritis in her hands and for years she has been ok taking her inhalers. But this year, I noticed she was struggling even more than last year. One inhaler works on breathe and for her other inhaler, that is in a case that when she takes the inhaler, she squeezes with her hands, rather than how you would originally do it. When she squeezes this lever, it presses the inhaler down. Mum found this better too.

I ended up filling in a form again for council tax reduction. So I won’t do overtime in the day at work, just to lose the little help I have and having to fill a bloody form again for it. What a waste of my time and surely the council too when I have to refill the form to apply for it again. So until I find stable hours somewhere in a morning with my current evening job, the only overtime I shall do is the odd Saturday with my current employer. I will only do more when I have stable hours in a morning elsewhere.
Regardless that I have to fill in this form again, I did feel I was understood. But unfortunately, this is the way things are done. So if I still want help with council tax, I need to fill in the form again, to reapply. I filled this in the beginning of the month, so by the time this post airs, I should hopefully be receiving it again.

I continue to look for the extra hours in a morning, but nothing much is coming up.
Where I wrote randomly to more businesses, I have heard nothing.

For a few years, I have noticed how very small buttons can be awkward for me to fasten. But now I find it impossible, as I found out when trying to take the fur trim off my coat, prior to wanting to wash it.
After 15 minutes of fiddling about and not getting half way with it, I tried to fasten it back on, but I couldn’t do it and I had no one I know who would be able to do it for me. So unfortunately, the only option I had left, was to pull the dam thing off and allow those bloody buttons to fly. Any that didn’t, got snipped off. So my pride and joy coat that I love very much, is without the fur trim now. I wonder now when I have washed this coat before, whether I ever attempted to take it off before. But I can’t remember.

And talking about memory, I still find my memory not as good since the day I found my mum on her bedroom floor, after taking an overdose.
Like for one example, if you asked me what I had for lunch yesterday. I can’t remember. The important stuff I remember, like bills. But because of how I have been, I decided to pay off the remainder of my council tax last month, because I did not want to chance forgetting. This is the only bill I don’t have by direct debit, because as outgoings more than income, I need to make sure right money is moved across from my savings before I pay it.

Since that day I found my mum on the bedroom floor, it’s like my weeks have gone in a blur.