Recent thoughts

I have only spoken out loud to one person, (my mum) about what I am about to say now here and that I have been doing some thinking of moving to Derby one day. This is because unlike where I currently live, should I apply for a disabled bus pass in the future, the process is simple and it costs nothing. But it is not just because of that, also I have felt and wondered by just going to another area, just for that feeling of a complete fresh start. Anxiety has held me back many times in the past though.
As a deaf blogger one time, when I talked about the application I filled in and the difficulties with it because on the form it does not allow my audiologist to fill it in and so I have to go to my doctor which results in paying him the time to fill in the appropriate part of the form to prove my hearing loss. The trouble is, my doctor does not have my up-to-date hearing loss details, because at the end of the day it is my audiologist I see. Many of my deaf friends and deaf readers when I Ā used to write my deaf blog, who lived in other areas, informed me that the process I have to go through to prove my hearing loss, it doesn’t happen where they live. One blogger, contacted me personally and said where he lives, it used to happen and advised me who to contact to challenge them, as he did and he got it changed.
Many years later, I decided to do what I was advised, talking to a fresh-faced person about the matter and feeling confident something would get done. This was last year, back in March. Earlier this year, I emailed for an update and since voted that person in. But I have heard nothing. What was the point in me voting if you are like everyone else and don’t care? That’s what it feels like as I am kept in the dark. I feel ignored, which was also what I added in another email recently and waiting to hear.
As it is the General Election today, I won’t be voting who I was originally voting for, that this party recommended, as I will vote for someone who did help me one time on a different matter.

On the same disability matter regarding my hearing loss at work, I am coming across some same issues that I get every year. Now although nothing has been said verbal yet, fresh papers have gone up regarding certain training and my name is on them even though I have done them online, where I am allowed to do them. But as my name keeps coming up regardless, I won’t be surprised if they ignore the conversation and try it again and so I have contacted the same person at work who helped me before. I hope to hear from her later when she is back.

Those that know me well will know that I hate coming to work as it fills me with anxiety and dread. When I am out into another job, it won’t come quick enough, which comes to my next topic in this post. I have seen a cleaning job of 32 hours per week and although nights is not something I really wanted to do again, there is nothing stopping me and I cannot stop thinking about it, so I have applied. Wish me luck. šŸ™‚

On the subject of moving to possibly moving somewhere new, are there readers here that have done it? I am particular interested in those who live on their own like me and have done this.

Random thoughts

Once I have passed and one day own a car, will it give me a better job?

A better job as in more hours where I would like to work, when it comes to hunting for a new job? A job where I am appreciated for the work I do?

When I have passed my test and ready to own my own car, I wonder if I still want that automatic car, or will I be happy to continue driving a manual car?

Just random thoughts. šŸ™‚

Chit Chat – Back after my blogging break

Hello everyone and I am back from my unexpected break. Instead of coming back in July as I originally planned, I have instead decided to come back earlier as I need to use my blog to get of stress and anxiety from today. I need a distraction. The stress of today, I will reveal in a much later post, until then, I want to keep the remainder of todays post as originally written.Ā 
Firstly, I would like to say welcome to new followers that have joined while I have been away.Ā Thank you for following and thank you to everyone else who has stuck around while I took a break and for the support.

Lots of things have been happening that I share in this post, some things I have kept short, to share in its own post later toĀ keep this post as short as possible.
The first active post I aired was just before this one. It was a post I had shared in the past, but I took it down to be re-edited after realising I had mis-speltĀ the topic in question. Oops.Ā 

I received ‘High Merit,’ in my Mental Health Course I was doing and I have my certificates safely put away in my CPD folder.Ā 

Changing the way I use the internet

After taking time out and doing other things I mention here, I decided to quit my home broadband package and I now use a pay as you go dongle. I have wanted to do this for the last three years, but I had what I had through following advice of others. I have always believed I could save more money and with me not constantly being on the internet all day and not personally using my landline phone for some time because I cannot hear on it, I thought it was a waste. I only used text relay service when phoning my mum the odd times and I do not feel confident phoning anyone else who does not know me via it, otherwise I see my communication just being text and email.
I felt I was wasting money and I thought I am going to do this now. Doing it this way meant though there was a couple of other changes I would need to make.
One change was to avoid on demand players and You Tube clips. (Not that I was always on these anyway. So I know I can live without andĀ no issues there.) If near when the allowance expires I have some data allowance left, then that’s when I will watch a You Tube clip, which will be the guy that makes me laugh; Tiny Tim’s Adventures. (I talked about him, in this post.)
The other change, will be even less time on Facebook, than I already did prior and I have cleared a lot of my posts off Facebook, leaving mostly just my blog posts airing. I will occasionally post other stuff, other than blogging posts on there, but it won’t be much and the likely hood of me using the private message function there now, will be rare to practically nil. I also stopped following some pages on there too. No point following when I won’t be looking, because of spending less time there, on Facebook.
My blogging won’t change and I will post when I have something to share. Browsing the web when needed and emails won’t change either.Ā The only difference will be, that I won’t be constantly connected.

Getting rid of the TV

I also decided to get rid of my TV. I sold the TV, the glass TV stand and my DVDĀ player. I won’t be having any other TV in my home, or watching the online tv players, meaningĀ I will be saving money by not needing the TV license. I have done this twice before in the past, so no biggie for me.
The first time I had about two years with no TV license, the second time a bit longer.
No doubt, I will have a letter later and a visit from the TV inspector somewhere down the line, to check I am doing nothing I shouldn’t be doing, now I am deciding to this again. But I have got to say, unless things have changed since, I have never felt harassed, or bullied by them in the past because I choose to not have a TV etc, as I have read about online from other people who apparently have.

Getting rid of the TV meant I changed the layout of my living room, to make it feel homely in a different way. I was looked forward to changing the room accordingly.

My garden

While I have been away, I have focused on my garden. Some more work has been happening here, which I will share in a post of its own later.Ā I realise now that I have been in my garden doing things here and there over time, just how important it has been to me. I have observed how I have felt after spending time out there. So at anytime in the future when I plan another house move into a final place I would like to be, I will make sure I spend time outside in nature.
This final move won’t happen till some years down the line, when I no longer have my cat, Miley, as where I would like to live would be a downstairs flat and I would not be allowed to have a cat. Now if things change in terms of work, or if I win the lottery, then my final wish of where I would like to live would change and that could change to anything.Ā 


I have been baking more porridge berry bakes, banana, oat and blueberry pancakes and I have also been baking a rhubarb cake. The rhubarb cake I had a few attempts at till I got it right, as the original recipe was Ā so sweet, that the first time I had to throw it away. I will share this recipe in a post of its own later. Both the porridge berry bakes and the rhubarb cake I enjoyed sharing the recipes with my mum, as she was interested in making them herself, after trying mine.

Doodling, drawing and reading books and poems

I have also been enjoying doodling, drawing and reading books, while taking a couple of weeks break away from my studying. I will share these book review later in posts of their own, as well as some of my doodles and drawings.
I am surprised how much I enjoyed reading alternative books, away from my study ones, as I thought I was getting fed up of sticking my head in books a lately.

Mum has been writing some more poems and I have been reading them. My mum wanted my approval and as always, I liked them.

Driving lessons

Looking for automatic car driving lessons has not been easy, to say driving an automatic car is popular. I found that there were not many driving schools in my area that offer them and the schools that did, had long waiting lists. (As to be expected.) One example of a driving school waiting list said to try again in 10 to 12 weeks time and hopefully they can get me in then. (Not much of Ā guarantee.) So as much as I would like to drive an automatic car, if I wanted experience on the road sooner, then I had to give a manual car a go. I will tell you more about this later, in a separate post.


I have been travelling to places I have not been before and so to keep up with doing something out of my comfort zone.
Back in March, I went to Alfreton for the day and I felt right at home to say I had not been here before and I was surprised it was not far away, travelling on the bus as I thought. A shop that used to be in my local area, but closed down to concentrate on the one in Alfreton I found easily and I enjoyed walking around the town centre, stopping at a cafe for lunch. I enjoyed it so much, that I went again the following week. This time my mum came with me and we went to the same cafe I had been to before, as well as the shop, which mum treated herself to a bag. Mum enjoyed it too down Alfreton and she said she may even make her own way down here next time.

I also took a trip down to Derby. I have only been there twice and it was some years ago when I last travelled there. I always relied on someone else when I last went, who knew the place, so me choosing to go myself and it being a long time since I had last been, it was another step out of my comfort zone.Ā 

In May I went on a weekend coach holiday, to Warwick and Stratford Upon Avon. It was the first time visiting here and something that I had planned long ago and I really enjoyed it. Although I did have my camera with me, I decided not to take any photos and enjoy for what it was, taking in the sites, as this may be my last holiday for a while.
I have noticed while travelling and exploring these new places and the above, that I hardly had any anxiety. So that was good. šŸ™‚

Garden chit chat

My Godetia ‘Pastel Posies,’ and Lobelia ‘Cambridge Blue’ have been growing well indoors.


The Godetia ‘Pastel Posies,’ (which are the taller ones,) have now been planted outside in my wooden planters, since this photo was taken.
I hope to also get my Lobelia outside, very soon as well, when I have moved some plants about. But if can’t get to moving plants about when time comes, then I will have to get extra long pots for these.


Chit Chat

Here is our first chit-chat, which replaces Virtual Coffee I used to do. This is chat without the cake, etc… Unless you want to of course. šŸ™‚

Finishing off mum’s present

I finally finished off mum’s book, a present that I was working on and hoping to give her for Christmas, but with other matters at that time, it got side-tracked. So now, the aim was to finish it for Mother’s Day, which I did. šŸ™‚ Mum loved her present.

As I was printing the photos from our holiday together, I could see there was some sort of warning for the wireless connection on it, but the first one printed off ok then afterwards, I spent a stressful 45 minutes of where I was trying to work out why it would not print. Even re-starting from scratch with the printer connections did not do anything, so in the end, I now print using the usb lead. I had that much of a bloody headache with it, I thought I was going to be sick.


Pansies I were growing inside have all died on me, exceptĀ for this one. (Since this photo was taken, it is looking even more perky.)


The spring bulbs I have outside are mostly all shooting through. The problem I have though, is not knowing what they are, because my black permanent marker has come off all my pots. (So much for the permanent bit.) I have a rough idea what they areĀ and I am hoping to transfer them soon to their permanent places.

I finally sorted out my final trellis planter, by putting up the artificial hedging up, mounting it on bricks and then filling it up with compost. I have transferred a pot that contained several crocuses into, separating them into smaller groups. I transferred them, as the pot they were currently in was too small for the amount that was in there. I am hoping they will look happier now.
I also filled my three plastic trellis planters with remaining compost and, sown my Sweet Peas in them. My red rose-bush I bought in memory of my aunt, is doing well in its pot. šŸ™‚

Prep work, before I start to learn to drive.

As well as sticking my head in my books, I booked my eye test, before getting myself some spectacles that will go darker when the sun is out, for when I drive. I find that bright daylight, as well as sun can dazzle me, which is something I have mostly experienced.
My eye test was three months early, so it meant I had to pay, as at the moment I receive part help. But I do not mind, because the last thing I wanted to do was to arrange to have some made on my current prescription, only to have new specs later. It was a good job in the end, because my eyes had changed again. This meant me updating all my spectacles I wear for different situations, which I have three types now, counting these tinted pair I now want. My other two specs are one a clear pair and the other a blue-tintedĀ pair. The blue-tinted pair I use for reading and the clear for things like crochet, or sometimes when watching tv.
I have heard mixed reviews when it comes to the spectacles that react to sunlight, which are both positive and negative. I hope I do get on with them, because knowing how bright daylight at times can dazzle me, along with when the sun shines does concern me if I am going to drive.

While at opticians, I also asked after I had my eye test to check if I had to wear the glasses to meet the required standards. I don’t have to wear them I found, but like they said, I shall wear them because of it helping my eyes in the long run. But I just wanted to know for Ā the Provisional License application form I was filling in.

The day before, I sorted out the part of someone signing my photo, to prove it was me and so after my query regarding the above at the opticians, I got the necessary paperwork together, that I needed to send, along with my payment. It will take up to three weeks, or possibly longer, before I receive my Provisional License and then I can book my driving lessons. šŸ˜€ (See this post; “One step ahead, too far”Ā and you will know why I put ‘then’ in bold text, if you ended up missing it.


My least favourite topic of conversation, even if actually going to the dentist is a little easier than it used to be. But I had an x-ray not long back to see how my tooth was getting on since the operation I had on it about 6 months ago, or slightly more.

I try not to focus on my tooth, but sometimes I cannot help but feel anxious because it has been going on for a long with issues on this tooth. (A lot longer than this blog.) But now, I hope to be able to relax a bit more now. The x-ray results are showing that new bone is growing and there is no sign of infection. But there is still more bone growth to happen, to fill the empty void around my tooth, so while this is still happening, there is still that risk of infection. So now, after this recent appointment, I go again in 6 months time for a check-up, unless I feel I need to come in before. So I was relieved after this conversation with the dentist, knowing all is well so far, because every time I was feeling something going on with my tooth, it was always back of mind, even though what I was feeling was down to my tooth healing. Also, depending on what I was eating, it would have been that doing it, because the tooth is not completely surrounded with new bone yet. So I do have to be careful how I still eat. But at least I am not experiencing discomfort as I did in the early stages, which I am lucky, because it could have gone on longer.

My mental health course is now finished

I sent off my final paper last week, for my mental health course. It was a tough paper to finish, butĀ nothing I did not know already. It just needed careful planning and making notes before writing it up in draft. Then I typed it up, making sure that my final question had the right word count. Once I did have the right word count, it was re-checking it all again before printing and including appropriate paper with it. Making sure appropriate details were filled out correctly.
It will take now up to four weeks, before I know my final result of this course and receive my certificates.