Chit-chat January

In December, I decided to quit my home study course. There was still no motivation, but also no desire, or need to do it. Prior to that, I have not touched for about a year, due to circumstances as you know. One being I held off due to grieving for my two family members, that went together when they were hit by a careless driver.

I then learnt just three days later, (after the funeral) as you know, of an ex and the awful thing he had done that left me reeling and feeling sick. This still haunts me.

I tried last November to get back into it, but I couldn’t and then again in December, but still couldn’t, along with no desire, or need to do it. So I shredded and binned the course. Even doing that, I felt nothing, or no regret for doing it.

The year of 2019 for me is just to get back into my crafts, in some way. When I started doing Sharpie Sunday, this first sparked off my crafty side again, while releasing anything emotionally.
I’ve also done other prompts, that I shared on my blog, that got me back into drawing some way.

As well as sketching, colouring and doodling, I will hopefully do a bit of cross stitching and maybe later crotchet. If I do get back into crotchet, I may need to re-learn the basics.

What ever crafts I decide to do, I shall do in my own time and I’m sure I will share something on here now and again.

I hope to also go on at least a couple of day trips, with a possible third, if I can afford it.

I also plan to walk around my neighbourhood.

I loved reading “The Ice Monster,” by David Walliams. I can’t remember the last time I have laughed so much with a book, as I have done with this one.

I even read it for a second time. I definitely want to read more of his books and although aimed for children, I bet I am not the only adult enjoying them also. Even my mum has enjoyed reading it.
I was thinking of doing this book as a giveaway on my blog later. But only if there is interest, as a few book giveaways I have done in the past, not all seamt popular. Would you be interested entering, if I did?

My audiology appointment I had after Boxing Day, which I had my hearing test as planned shown my worser ear remains stable, when it comes to my hearing. My left ear I could see there was a change, which surprised me, because hearing wise with that ear I don’t feel there is any change. But I was reassured not to worry about it, because depending on time and day, my mood and other factors, it can seem it looks like it’s changed now, but not necessarily in the long run. I’m not worried anyway, but I was relieved to see my right ear remains stable, which is my deafer ear.
An appointment was made to see the hearing specialist, with regards to the sensitivity to sound I was having. (The right ear being the worst ear for sensitivity.) I went on the 3rd January for this. At this appointment, I talked about my sensitivity to sounds I am experiencing. My hearing aids were then checked and, adjusted and my remote was checked to make sure it was still paired up ok with my hearing aids. (My remote makes it easier to adjust volume and programmes easily, especially when wearing  covers over them.)

First impressions from leaving there and throughout the day, I noticed the adjustment was a positive improvement for me. There was a tiny amount of sensitivity with right ear still, but I did not feel the urge to turn down that hearing aid.
As the week progressed, leading up to now as this post airs, the rest is calming down and in general, that tiny bit of sensitivity in right ear is hardly much. It’s doesn’t bother my general day-to-day as before and not something I notice all the time. So I reckon in time soon, it will completely go that I never realised when it actually did.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I may have ‘Hyperacusis’ after a friend shared me some info on it, after I told her of my difficulties and with seeing the audiologist and specialist, it does confirm this.
Deaf people are known to get this, but more common apparently with late deafened. Reading more about it on the way home from the audiologist, I learnt that a life event, like bereavement can bring it on. So with my own two life events I have had, it certainly makes more sense.

To read more about Hyperacusis, you can find out more about here at The British Tinnitus Association.

What’s your plans for 2019?

(This post, I shall keep open to comments for a month.)

Why do people NOT observe the rule, don’t phone?

Utility provider for my gas, now I am in the process of leaving them for another supplier that can provide customer service, is trying to phone me.
They have been informed by myself several times I am deaf and that email/chat is my preferred choice of communication.
They have also been told by my landlord when he had to intervene, to help get my gas sorted because of cutting me off from chat. They were obviously still asking to speak to me, or phone, because he kept reminding them that I don’t hear in the phone. (Whoever was on that end of the phone were thick, or deaf, to not understand clear instructions from my landlord.)
They don’t try once to phone me, they have tried a few times, regardless that I have them now blocked.

The charity that is collecting my furniture, they require a phone number, so the driver can contact me when he is half an hour away. I inform them to make sure the driver knows to text.
I had an unknown mobile number phoning me. I cancelled call and texted and it was them. They have done this before; phone, when I have given clear instructions to text.

Why do people ask for phone number, when you clearly tell them you don’t have one? Or because you say that is not my form of communication and explain why, that they still ask?

Even HMRC are not fully accessible. They don’t provide email as a choice to contact them and as I seen on Twitter, they don’t accept DM via there, due to security. But you can send a query via Facebook private message. That led me  to apologise butting in on this conversation, but I asked HMRC how can you say sending a private message via Facebook, is anymore securer than via a private message on Twitter? I query because I am deaf and you don’t do email, which is my preferred method. Whether HMRC will respond to this question, is another thing.

Businesses everywhere are stepping up, but HMRC are in the dark ages still, because they don’t do email. The same reason, because of security.

Where I now live, the doctors I have registered at, at time of registering, I discovered they were a little bit more accessible than my old doctors. Providing something that other did not and that’s emailing me, if they need to contact me.

It’s a simple request, when I say my phone number is for text only. Please don’t phone. Yet they try to phone?

But it’s not simple to those that I tell and it’s frustrating.

I really wish others knew this about me…

I’m not boring and I am approachable

People in the past and some probably now, not that I don’t care what others think now like I once did, but some thought I was going to be boring. These were proved wrong and they held their hands up to their wrong assumptions. The conclusion to why they thought I would be boring, was because of me being quiet and also how I was dressed, as this particular occasion was my hen night, all those years ago. (The first relationship, that I was abused in.)
I would like you to know that I am not boring because I am quiet to start with and you will find me approachable, should you choose to speak to me. We may even find common ground.

I do have a sense of humour

Just because you may find me quiet at first, as I have mentioned​ above, when it comes to talking to me, you will also discover I do have a sense of humour.

I people watch

I people watch sometimes. Imagining what they may be like. Observing their relationships with their family, or friends.
I especially like seeing elderly couples holding hands, while walking in the street. It’s so lovely to see and I wonder just how many years they may have been together.

Just because I have an invisible disability, doesn’t mean it don’t exist.

I am deaf and, I have depression and anxiety.

Unless my hair is tied up, you won’t see my hearing aids, until I mention I have a hearing loss.
People say, ‘ I speak ok,’ but like my hidden disability, it doesn’t mean I am not deaf. I am deaf, but to hear you better, I have to see your face to lipread, while hearing what I can with my hearing aids.
I would also like to add that my hearing aids assist me, but they don’t magically give back my hearing I once had. I also watch your face expression and your body language.
I will need you to be patient with me, as I may need you to repeat if I miss something and I will be very appreciative of this.
I will be able to tell if you don’t have the patience to chat with me, don’t want to be there in general. I may also pick up on if you are not feeling yourself, which if I do, I am known to ask if you are ok

Depression is another invisible disability. On the surface, I may seem fine to you, but underneath, I could be the total opposite.
My depression is not bad like it used to be. Being in a new job has helped greatly, as well as counselling for other matters already blogged about here.

I have anxiety and depending how it is, you may see it, or you may not. Again, like my depression, it’s not bad as it was, but it does like to creep up more, than my depression.

I can sketch

From the age of 9 to early 20’s, I was regular sitting at a table sketching. After that, I stopped, until the artist side of me crept out again with ‘Sharpie Sunday’s‘ and other prompts. Although it’s not got me back to my sketching route I once did. I would like to though.
I am not saying I am good to sell as an artist, but if I had kept it up as I once did, then they may have been.

One time, I couldn’t look in a full-length mirror

I hated looking at myself in a full-length mirror one time. This started after I left the first relationship. Although I don’t own a full-length mirror still, I know I wouldn’t have a problem looking in one.

I give 100% in the workplace

I give 100% in the workplace, but sometimes I will give a 110%, because I love my workplace so much.

What do you wish others knew about you?

Job interview went well

So it was my job interview today, for a cleaning vacancy I applied for. Manager interviewed me, while another lady made the notes.

I arrived early, as I do with anything. My interview lasted between 30 – 40 minutes, in which they got to know me, my experiences and what I can offer. Also why I want to work for them and how would I use my experience with them.

I also learnt about them, their in-house training and how that works. My concerns were put to ease about deaf accessibility. They were very happy to accommodate my needs accordingly, if I get this role. So should I get the position, I would have the necessary mobile numbers to use, should I need to text in sick and other ways accordingly that will help me.
I learnt that this pub has people with different needs, that they are proud of to support.
The manager was really nice and she definitely came across approachable. The other staff that work there, are nice too. But I knew that already, from a customer perspective.

There are more being interviewed today, but the manager hopes to make her decision by today.

I have said I can start asap, as this job will be additional to what I have already. I’m not leaving my current job. They know I can do any day except for Saturday, as sometimes I do overtime for my other employer. She seems happy with this.

Although I would have liked my Sundays off, it’s only a two-hour shifts on what ever day I work, 6am to 8am, so I still have my Sundays. I am prepared to work Sundays, if required, for this job. I have done it before, so no problems.
My hours will be 6 to 8 hours per week.

Due to the early start, there is only one bus that will get me there, in time for that start Monday to Friday. Sunday would have to be taxi and in the week taxi, if I felt the bus wasn’t going to turn up. So if this is the case, even if taxi on Sunday, my lunches and cup of teas out would have to stop. I know I would have to touch my savings a little too. But once I am living local, it will be just a 25 to 30 minute walk, to work. So I am prepared to do this, for the job, as it will be worth it in the end.

I should hopefully know today, if I have the job, as the manager is hoping to make her decision today. If I am not lucky with this one, I have agreed that my details can be passed on to the pub around the corner, which is also under same brand chain pub, as they are after a cleaner too.

Getting glowful again

I used to own the Sonic boom analogue clock and I absolutely loved it, because I could switch off the back-lit display and not see it clock in the dark. But now, it’s getting glowful again. My analogue clock failed to wake me up. The clock ticks, but after a couple of goes, it’s clear the clock will not go off at my chosen alarm. From giving it a go, it is clear it’s the alarm part button, or the part I turn to set my chosen time I want to get up at, as it is hit and miss when I play with it trying to get it to go off. The clock just won’t go off, so in the bin it had to go.
It’s a good job I still had my previous clock, as I need to get up early on Saturday. But it means now my nights will be glowful again, as you can tell in the photo. The clock, you can’t dim anymore than it looks already and with me having my Silent alert, (green glow in the background,) which has to be here, because while it is on the charger the vibrating pad is under my mattress, that will wake me up in event of a fire it’s now makes my dark nights, lighter. Which I hate. I doubt I will get this analogue clock one again, because I don’t want the same risk happening again. This clock has not been good long term, compared to previous couple of models that were still ok and I had passed on, when I wanted a change of clock.
When it was just my Silent alert glowing, while using my analougue clock, I got used to the dim of just that one, but the clock, it glows. But I am going to have to stick with this, because I am not buying another now for some time, or when this one is ready for the knackers yard.

I was given false hopes

I believe when it came to applying for PIP, I was given false hopes by my Welfare Rights officer. She knew everything about me, because she had to know everything about me for the PIP form.

I got 2 points originally for my PIP application, because I wore hearing aids. I have never actually seen the points system used to for assessing PIP, but I came across it recently when looking at something not related to this. I looked elsewhere, to make sure I was looking at the right thing and I was. This is it, after looking elsewhere, making sure it was right: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/Global/Migrated_Documents/adviceguide/pip-9-table-of-activities-descriptors-and-points.pdf

From me coming across this, I see I should have been at least awarded another two points, which would have brought my points awarded 4. But that is where it ends for me.
If I wasn’t given false hopes, then my Welfare Rights Officer who helped me with PIP, does not know me well. Which really, she did know me, because I had to tell her everything about my deafness, depression and anxiety at that time. She helped me get DLA I had before, which was just my deafness then and she believed she could get me PIP. She kept telling me I was entitled to this and encouraged me to fight the decision when I did not get it. But as you know, I did not fight this because applying was draining enough, but on top after, I had lost two lovely people in my life and the shock of their deaths affected me greatly.

I am so glad I did not waste my time to reapply. You need at least 8 points to get something and I am no way entitled to any more than 4 points and it no way worth fighting for the two points extra I did not get when you need at least 8.

Just because I got DLA last time, does not mean I am entitled to PIP this time. PIP is totally different and it is certainly not aimed at deafness alone. You need other disabilities as well. If I hear someone else tell me I am entitled, I will fucking scream at them and show them the points system.

I recommend watching film, “I, Daniel Blake.”

I recommend anyone watching the film, “I, Daniel Blake.” The film is about 59 years old carpenter; Daniel Blake, who after suffering a heart attack has to fight the system in order to receive Employment and support Allowance. daniel Blake also befriends a single mum who is also fighting her own battles with the system. I watched this last year on 16th November 2017.
It was after watching this film, that I was able to write the following on my Facebook wall, which I made public. This film obviously stirred up something in me, to find I could write what I shared that day. I share this here on my blog, that I written that day.

“I have watched “I, Daniel Blake,” this morning. If you have not seen this film, then I totally recommend for different reasons; if you are struggling yourself, knowing you are not alone, an inspirational film, truly hitting, inspiring.”

Although the film has inspired me, for my own personal situation, I still don’t have the energy to appeal. Too may things have gone on and I have to think about my mental health. To do that, means I am not appealing PIP.

But for people who have no choice, but to appeal and face hardship because of this system being so fucked up that someone who was denied ESA because they made them fit for work, regardless that medical people have said they are not fit for work, this film shows just what goes on in our country.

Today, this still happens and I would like every Government member sit and watch this film. I would like every person who works at DWP to see this film. The Government have created this mess, the DWP are of no help. You treat us as numbers, as service users still. But we are not. We are citizens as this film explains. Yet this is still going on.

I am one less person currently that you the Government and the DWP will be happy to hear that does not have the energy to appeal. I have too much happen to me in a short space of time and that is not including applying for PIP. I was given DLA for life, but because you created PIP, (this was just to save you money in your pocket, regardless what you say,) I now not seen worthy. My deafness and the difficulties remain the same. PIP does not support the deaf as it is made out to be. People that see you to assess you and make this decision are not qualified enough in my eyes to decide how to decide whether I am entitled to PIP or not and mess with my life.

There will be many more that will face possible hardship due to this fucked up system and I could be another to the system.

The Government and DWP don’t give a shit and as much as they try to say they do, sorry I don’t believe them, because I have seen it too many times where lives have been fucked up. There are also too may people now on the streets than I have ever seen and people using food banks. Seeing all this and my personal experience is proof how they don’t care.”

#IDanielBlake #PIP #disgraceful #welfarereform #DWP #Government