A distraction for mum

When I went to see mum yesterday and mum was filling me what happened day before, I as getting ready to go up to the mental health unit to see what they were playing at. But before I did, I asked a nurse, to make sure my mum wasn’t confused by it all.
It turned out she had been told that originally, but since, not long back yesterday when I was chatting a different discussion was given. So I had gone from highly stressed person getting ready to fight, because mum had no care plan in place and going to be sent home, which was total opposite to what a manager on the mental health unit told me, to stress reducing because there was now going to be some care plan in place on Sunday. But Sunday still being unknown, until it happens.

When mum is discharged from ward where she was looked after for her chest infection from flu she had, they will send her back to the mental health ward she originally came from. But this does not mean there is a bed there, or at any other mental health unit. She could be sent home still. But a care plan would be in place for that, as this was mentioned in discussion when someone came to see her yesterday, about maybe two visits a week at her home to see that she is ok.
If it turns out there is no bed there, but a bed is available at one of the other mental health units, mum has said she is not going, because of knowing how I would only be able to get once a week at one and not at all at the other.
But if there is a bed where she was before, she would stay there.
So this is the unknown and me and mum discussed options if she ends up going home. Especially if she is discharged before I get there, on Sunday and that is that day, mum is to stop at mine. We would then go back to hers the following morning, where I would have day with her, before going to work.

I observed how this was playing on my mum’s mind after I found I was repeating myself a fourth time and my throat feeling tired and sore, so I distracted mum onto something else. Mum admitted it was going round in her head as I suggested something else to chat about.
Mum has a notebook for her poems she writes out in rough, before copying neat into another book. I already had written my address earlier at the back of the book, just in case she was making her way back to mine in a taxi on Sunday, before I got there.
I got the notebook out again and wrote her a plan of action that she would be doing later when home, in preparation for moving out prior.
This plan of action was basically just a to do list, of what we talked about before. But I put it in writing, so she could focus on that, but also so that if she forgot, she could see it there, then let that play on her mind.
This list has three things at this point. Two which mum is doing and the third is what I am doing in May, but only what mum needs to plan for and just know about, which is me painting her bedroom walls. Her bedroom walls will need re-painting from observation and not something that can be left, because the council would likely say something. So by getting the walls in that room painted, mum won’t face any issues.
Just by writing that action plan in the back of her book, helped her to re-focus and think about something else, than let her mind wander on someone we can’t control.

I took mum’s mobile phone in yesterday, because of not knowing where mum would be originally, so she could contact me and keep me updated. Making sure I knew what was happening. It helps for mum to keep in touch with other family members too.

You are not a burden

Depending on your circumstances, you may feel a burden to others. This could be because of a mental health, or physical health issue.

But you are not a burden.

My mum doesn’t want to be a burden. She had expressed this to me and staff members. But hopefully, by listening to me and the staff members on the ward where she is, that my mum realises that she won’t be.

From what mum told me recently, a staff member that had spoken to her, to put a long conversation short, she said, “… Mum was there for me and now it was time for me to be there for her…”

I said to mum, “By being with me, I won’t worry as much as I would have, if you were still living on your own.
I need you close to know you are ok. To support you when required, while you continue to be as independent as possible.
I want you to feel safe.”

I have had a couple say that it’s a big then by getting my mum to live with me. I am in no way offended by that comment. But when I was told by A&E staff that my mum was very unwell and to be prepared I could lose her, this decision of me and mum to live together was not a hard decision to make. In fact I did not need to think about it.

If my mum one day has to go back to her bungalow, before the time comes to us living together, I will be feeling very uneasy. I will be scared that my mum could do it again.
Mum has promised she won’t take an overdose again, because she knows how much it has hurt me. My mum can see how much it has hurt me. But the mental health team, like me, as they talk to her, need to know that when it gets difficult again, that she doesn’t try it again. There will be more talking by the different mental health team members in some way, while her medication is adjusted. The mental health team can see my mum will be better with me, then on her own. Mum has admitted that going back to her bungalow, she is not thrilled on, even though one point my mum wasn’t thrilled about staying in, after admitting her overdose.

When a family member wants to help some way, or for you to live with them for what ever reason. You are not a burden.

You may be reading this and in a position yourself where a family member has asked you to live with them and you are thinking you don’t want to be a burden to them. I would like to say that you would not be a burden, because you will be a much-loved family member. To them, you gave them support. You were there in their time of difficulties. You gave them joy and so all they want is to support you and help you in what ever way.

You are not a burden.

 

Related posts:

Blog post re-share: Why Those of us That Can, Must Fight — The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

I would like to share this post with my readers, from The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog.

I also agree with the first commenter in that blog post too, by Alanpenrose5654.

Do take a read of this blog post and the comments. Also, if you are not already following this blog, I totally recommend you do.

I hope that all of us in the mental illness blogging community have the same goals–to end the stigma surrounding mental illness. I believe that to keep the fight going and maybe educate those that have never walked a day in our shoes, it is imperative to share your story. We are all unique, and though we may share similar symptoms of our collective illnesses, it is how you deal and your past that might help future mental illness sufferers.

via Why Those of us That Can, Must Fight — The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

I really wish others knew this about me…

I’m not boring and I am approachable

People in the past and some probably now, not that I don’t care what others think now like I once did, but some thought I was going to be boring. These were proved wrong and they held their hands up to their wrong assumptions. The conclusion to why they thought I would be boring, was because of me being quiet and also how I was dressed, as this particular occasion was my hen night, all those years ago. (The first relationship, that I was abused in.)
I would like you to know that I am not boring because I am quiet to start with and you will find me approachable, should you choose to speak to me. We may even find common ground.

I do have a sense of humour

Just because you may find me quiet at first, as I have mentioned​ above, when it comes to talking to me, you will also discover I do have a sense of humour.

I people watch

I people watch sometimes. Imagining what they may be like. Observing their relationships with their family, or friends.
I especially like seeing elderly couples holding hands, while walking in the street. It’s so lovely to see and I wonder just how many years they may have been together.

Just because I have an invisible disability, doesn’t mean it don’t exist.

I am deaf and, I have depression and anxiety.

Unless my hair is tied up, you won’t see my hearing aids, until I mention I have a hearing loss.
People say, ‘ I speak ok,’ but like my hidden disability, it doesn’t mean I am not deaf. I am deaf, but to hear you better, I have to see your face to lipread, while hearing what I can with my hearing aids.
I would also like to add that my hearing aids assist me, but they don’t magically give back my hearing I once had. I also watch your face expression and your body language.
I will need you to be patient with me, as I may need you to repeat if I miss something and I will be very appreciative of this.
I will be able to tell if you don’t have the patience to chat with me, don’t want to be there in general. I may also pick up on if you are not feeling yourself, which if I do, I am known to ask if you are ok

Depression is another invisible disability. On the surface, I may seem fine to you, but underneath, I could be the total opposite.
My depression is not bad like it used to be. Being in a new job has helped greatly, as well as counselling for other matters already blogged about here.

I have anxiety and depending how it is, you may see it, or you may not. Again, like my depression, it’s not bad as it was, but it does like to creep up more, than my depression.

I can sketch

From the age of 9 to early 20’s, I was regular sitting at a table sketching. After that, I stopped, until the artist side of me crept out again with ‘Sharpie Sunday’s‘ and other prompts. Although it’s not got me back to my sketching route I once did. I would like to though.
I am not saying I am good to sell as an artist, but if I had kept it up as I once did, then they may have been.

One time, I couldn’t look in a full-length mirror

I hated looking at myself in a full-length mirror one time. This started after I left the first relationship. Although I don’t own a full-length mirror still, I know I wouldn’t have a problem looking in one.

I give 100% in the workplace

I give 100% in the workplace, but sometimes I will give a 110%, because I love my workplace so much.

What do you wish others knew about you?

Book review: “Depression is a liar,” by Danny Baker

Danny Baker written this book almost two years after his last depression episode. The book is about everything he has felt and experienced with his struggles, to eventually his triumph over his depression.
Danny Baker wanted to tell his story, so that other people with depression will realise they are not alone and that there is recovery. He also wanted to share his lessons he’d learnt along the way, that eventually led to his recovery.
For four years he suffered from life-threatening bouts of depression, which led to alcoholism, drug abuse, medicine-induced psychosis and multiple hospitalisations. Since his recovery, these days he’s happy, healthy and loves life.

Reading this book you get to learn about what a person can feel when depression takes hold. As in this case, you are learning how Danny Baker felt and his experiences.
For those who have never experienced depression before, this book will raise awareness.
For those of us that have suffered depression of different degrees, you may relate to this book; the struggles getting out of bed, struggling with life, being a huge self-critic and low self-esteem, are just some of the examples.

Danny Baker has a website where you can find out more about him and further books he has written. This can be found at www.dannybakerwrites.comwww.dannybakerwrites.com

(This post review is my own personal review. I have not been asked to write this.)

Blog post share: “Shhh… That is stigma,” by Susan Walz.

A blog post share, called “Shhh… That is stigma,” by Susan Walz, at The Bipolar Writer. Susan Walz writes to share how damaging telling someone to Shhh can be, when talking about your own mental illness and not feeling supported.

You will find her post here: https://jamesedgarskye.com/2018/05/27/shhh-that-is-stigma/

Post share: Debunking the myths by The Blurt Foundation

I felt I needed to share this as I have heard some of these be said to, like for example that “depression is a choice,” when actually this is not true. Depression is not a choice, because if it was, we would not want it. So to debunk these myths and to help spread awareness, this is why I share this post, that will take you to The Blurt Foundation post.

https://www.blurtitout.org/2017/02/17/depression-debunking-the-myths/