What always brings tears to your eyes?

Lots of things can bring tears to my eyes and the stress and some unexpected events I have blogged about, have brought tears to my eyes.

But away from life, the one thing that will always bring tears to my eyes, is when it comes to animals; whether they are in the wild, or domestic.

Animal cruelty, is always distressing and triggering for me and will bring tears to my eyes. I can’t bear animal cruelty.

Had I not witnessed animal cruelty at such a young age, by my dad, could I have reacted different?
I guess in some way I would have reacted differently, because had I not witnessed animal cruelty at a young age, it wouldn’t have been triggering. But no doubt I would have still find it very distressing and upsetting, because of my huge love for animals. So it would bring tears to my eyes.

No one deserves an animal, if they are going to be cruel to it.

I’m sure I am not alone in feelings that the people who are cruel to their pets, or other animals, ought to have the equivalent done back to them, for hurting such a defenceless animal.

What brings tears to your eyes?

Some unhelpful comments I’ve received

Just some unhelpful comments I can remember over my lifetime that I have heard, or still hear.

“Chin up”

Oh how I hate this one. I have said about hearing this, in this post, How has stigma around mental health affected you?
Depending on my mood at the time this is said, I can either be sighing and rolling my eyes inside myself, or sarcastically thinking how I could give you chin up if my fist went upwards to your chin, then you would certainly be chin up.
Surprisingly, I have never said where to stick that one, or respond in any way! But I have noticed instead, I distance myself off, like I am not there.

“Snap out of it”

Only heard this once and a very long time ago, that the memory of this one is vague to the situation.

“There is always someone off worser than you”

Oh, don’t you think I don’t know that?

But all the same, does that mean my feelings don’t count? Are my feelings worth nothing?

For years I kept my mouth shut and, did not say how I felt and it did not get me anywhere. I was silent and broken at times and I felt I did not belong in the world, because my feelings were not validated.
When I could cope more, then counseling begun, because there you are not judged.

“Oh… I have felt sad sometimes.”

OMG and eyes rolling when I got this one. My eyes were literally rolling as this was said once when I first talked about my depression and taking meds. At first, I thought she understood, but when a comment came out afterwards she said that, it clearly wasn’t the case. I even asked a question to be sure. I can’t remember my exact words now, but I clearly put this person in their place and corrected the different between sad and depression. This was the same person who was ignorant about my deafness, only a few years before.

“But that’s in the past.”

Seeing my dog get beaten, doesn’t make it go away, like it never happened, or the fear of my dad that I remember.

Being raped doesn’t make how it affects me go away!

“Think positive.”

So you think I don’t? I am doing well trying to be positive and some days are really hard to be positive, that I am tired being positive. I think I can have a day off, or two from being positive.

What comments have you received, that you found not helpful?

 

Related post:

Do you want to read up on further unhelpful comments. I found this page below, which will take you to The Mighty.

https://themighty.com/2018/08/what-not-to-say-support-mental-illness/

My go-to, in times of escape.

It got difficult because of feeling that mentally and physically drained for so long this year, that when I found the new morning job wasn’t for me and the circumstances around it, that I have revealed in earlier posts, that it pushed me to my limit energy-wise.

I have cried and still have my moments, while I feel like this. I have regardless how I have been, still been able to crack jokes and have a laugh. But behind it all, it has still been pained. Hopefully, now I have finished my morning cleaning job, I should hopefully get my energy back and start to feel more better.

But while I have been as I have been, my go-to, in times of escape, have been the following:

  • Walking, especially in nature.
  • Watching Michael Flatley’s, Lord of the Dance DVD.
  • Listening to Michael Flatley’s Lord of the Dance.
  • Sleeping

It’s not all rainbows and fairies. But it’s what you make of it.

This is something I feel I need to get off my chest and, as I have a majority of supporting and understanding bloggers, because you have been there yourself, I know you will understand. But it doesn’t mean this post came easy, because I have wanted to write this for a month, but held myself back. But now my red mist has visited me a couple of times and my past couple of posts reflecting this partly. I will let it out. Or as I say, ‘rip.’

Ever since I found my mum that day after her OD, my stress levels have not come completely down, because I have and still worried about my mum. And this red mist that has shown out of the blue, in the comfort of my own home, away from prying eyes and recently only showing it partly on my blog, I have been trying until I can’t contain it no longer. All because I did not want to show this unhappy side of me. I feel because I have shown the red mist because of making it all happy and smiley and saying I’m fine, when I have not always been, giving that fake smile, now shameful because I shown the red mist here.

It’s not all smilies, rainbows and fairies. No one can be 100% happy under life stresses. I have done well finding positives out of my life stresses, which I will try and remember everyone of those these past few months here I made, at the end of the post list them.

I have felt partly pressured here to keep it all happy until I couldn’t any longer and I feel I may be judged by one, or two, who are not me and can’t be 100% fucking happy.

I am trying my best and my best is good enough and at a point I really share my feelings now, because I cannot keep quiet any longer, I will also let this shame go with that I have been carrying and not allow anyone to shame me either!

I think I have done well this year considering what has happened and the pressures I am still under

Regardless I am showing this, I won’t be shamed by anyone, because underneath, I have still found positives to my negatives. I just did not find these instant, because the red mist paid a visit. But I found these positive alternatives 10 minutes, give, or take, after!

Also, this year, since that day with my mum, I have been very forgetful. I have been frustrated with this, but also bloody dizzy at times trying to get my head together, remembering.

So this year, the positives I can remember I found from the negatives:

  • My mum being alive
  • Mum’s situation bringing us together, to where one day be living together.
  • From mum choosing to live with me has now gave me an increased chance of being in a council property, than I would have had on my own.
  • For mum’s situation to move us further up than before, on the banding list.
  • Instagram may have disabled my account but I thought fuck em. I have now created a visual folder on my phone to look at when needed.
  • My to do lists are very important in my daily life, now I am forgetful as I am. It works in addition to my diary as it’s more a visual thing.
  • I have created a “vitality wheel” for myself. It’s a new visual self-care thing for me. I will talk about this later.
  • Walking is my go thing. I may never have got round to running, but walking has never failed. It helps me to feel good.
  • Certain scents I am using for comfort in these last couple of months, to keep my mood positive.

 

The atmosphere

The atmosphere at work seems to be there still and again, at end of shift, someone does not seem to have their sense of humour, so she snapped and left me feeling upset. Not that she probably noticed, as I kept quiet after that and left her to it still muttering, while I watched, before leaving the room. (Before, on  another occasion, it was me that snapped, because I was sick of being dragged into the other thing that has caused this atmosphere, that I cannot go into.) Along with how I am feeling as a HSP and also the sensitivity to sounds I am having at the moment, that did not also help.

As I mentioned in comments on another post, that something went off at work causing now what is an atmosphere. As a HSP, I struggled with this and I talked in earlier posts how I craved my week off for quietness, which I had.
Also prior to my week off and coming back, I decided to take myself away from it by sitting somewhere else, till time for work. If I did not do this, I made sure that I arrived at work enough to put my tabard on and my safety shoes, so that by the time I’d done that, it wouldn’t be long before time to start. Doing this, helped me to not pick up all this atmosphere, which I felt closely I would feel the need to be off work sick otherwise, if I didn’t.

Slowly, the past week, I have been rejoining. But I can tell it’s still there and after tonight, I am upset. But I am reminding myself that she is upset for whatever her own personal reasons, whether be it work issues, or what started the atmosphere as a whole for all of us and that I am sensitive to all this, down to me being HSP.
I remind myself as I am at home tonight feeling upset, that this will pass. That I love my job and it’s just the atmosphere that is spoiling it.
But next week and onwards, I plan to be there just to work and only speak when it’s to do with work. If I am earlier than expected, I will go back to sitting by myself, only speaking to certain colleagues individually during shift, in passing. I don’t want to be dragged into this atmosphere. I have had enough. I am there for work, nothing else.

I don’t seem with it

The last few weeks have been mentally and physically draining. You will have probably picked that up in my posts as you read them, even when I did not say it.

I talked about how I was so Craving quietness.
I was craving it badly that final week at work and after a week off, for the first time ever, I did not want to go back. Now I love work still, so don’t get me wrong. At work that has been a little trouble going on, which I cannot go into and I won’ go into detail. It’s not directly at me and it’s not my employer causing it. But what has been going off, has affected the atmosphere due to this incident. It wasn’t quiet at work and the tension in the atmosphere was high and there still is tension. I dreaded going back after the quiet week I craved and my mood was very dark Monday. My mood is a little better but not much.

As I have been learning and as I mentioned here, I am a ‘Highly Sensitive Person’ (HSP) I discovered. With how I have been the last few weeks with the slight difficulty in the moving process, the tiredness both physically and mentally, I am really picking this up at work and it is affecting me. Yesterday, I found I was struggling walking at times, feeling like my legs were going to go from under me. My muscles not wanting to hold me up. This is one of the effects of stress. Not had this for a long time, to that extent and I am hoping my body does not do more of this.

Today, I am a little tearful, after calling into my bank and I have decided to call into a cafe before going home for a drink and then I will be sitting down with my bank details, checking where I went wrong and correcting my workings. I called into the bank because I noticed my standing order for my rent was returned. Looking at my balance, it looked like there was sufficient funds and I was fuming that it had been returned. After the bank looked into it, it turned out a payment elsewhere I made was put first (which that’s fine) and standing order returned, as there would have been insufficient funds. Thankfully no charges. I am usually very good when it comes to my own money, making sure I have sufficient funds and I thought I had made a note of this in my folder, so when I am home, I will be seeing if I did make a note of this other payment or not. And then I will be just having my quiet. I thought I was with it now, but obviously not.

My mood is not also helping with my sensitivity to sound I am having. I have finally got round to emailing my audiologist yesterday, so hopefully, I will hear of an appointment soon with a particular audiologist.

Are you a Highly Sensitive Person?

As I talked about in Chit-chat October, I knew that I was a sensitive person, but as being a ‘Highly Sensitive Person’ (HSP) was new to me. I looked up further about HSP, after a reader commented how she was a HSP and wondered if I was. I googled the film/documentary she mentioned and then I visited another website on the topic. I could see from further reading of both the website and book I have bought, “The Highly Sensitive Person,” by Elaine N. Aron, Ph. D, that I am a HSP. I continue to work through this book, as said in Chit chat October, so I’m sure I will discuss things I am learning, in future posts here. There are some things I either remember, or remembering, which I am processing and I now look at differently, for the better. As some of my memories are from childhood, I may at times have to practice extra self-care. But I am fine as I do this, because I have the tools to do it, learnt from therapy, as well as additional I learnt, that worked for me.

I will leave you with website link I visited and read more on this topic.

https://hsperson.com

 

Are you a Highly Sensitive Person?