Dissociation

What is dissociation?

Dissociation is a self-defense mechanism that the brain uses when it cannot handle the current situation, or when it is attempting to process something painful.

When this happens, the person begins to feel unreal, sometimes they feel as though they are watching themselves go through their day-to-day activities, other times it’s an entirely eerie feeling, as if their body does not belong to them.

Learn more here, at Mind.

My anxiety…

Post edited, after realising a mistake I made. Did you spot it before? (That’s a live sharpie for you. If you didn’t, you will still spot the mistake anyway, as I just crossed out and edited my sharpie accordingly.

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FUCK STIGMA! A VIDEO ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH STIGMA — SUMMER STARTS TO SHINE

Watch and enjoy. Feel free to share if you like X This video is aimed at the sheep of society… and all of you who are sick of the sheep of society and all their stigma shit…

via FUCK STIGMA! A VIDEO ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH STIGMA — SUMMER STARTS TO SHINE

Here is the video link from Summer’s You Tube page, so you can watch, what did not show in above, as for some reason you can see it here, or visit her blog post to watch:

#IF DEPRESSION WERE A CHOICE — SUMMER STARTS TO SHINE

As you know from my post, just before, I created my own post of #If depression were a choice, which was inspired from this one, by Summer Starts To Shine. Do pop on over to Summer’s blog and join in, using the “#If depression were a choice.”

If depression were a choice, I wouldn’t be up at 5.21am posting, due to depression-related insomnia. If depression were a choice, when I’d have first tasted depression at the age of 16, I’d have realised “depression wasn’t for me” and I wouldn’t accept this hellish intrusion into my life any more. If depression were a choice, […]

via #IF DEPRESSION WERE A CHOICE — SUMMER STARTS TO SHINE

#If depression were a choice

I created this post after inspiration from blogger, ‘Summer Starts to Shine,’ where she created a post of the same name: ‘#If depression were a choice.

#If depression were a choice

If depression were a choice, I would not have witnessed as a child of the ups and very bad downs of my mum’s mental health. I would not have worried whether she would disappear again, like before.

If depression were a choice, after seeing how it affected me personally as a child and, also how it affects other people and their families, then I would not choose depression myself. Because after all, it is no fun.

If depression were a choice, I would not struggle to get out of bed some mornings, or sometimes worry about the day ahead.

If depression were a choice, I would not have wished at one time that I was dead and that I was of no use to this world.

If depression were a choice, then I would choose to not have depression. But unfortunately it is not that easy.

If depression were a choice, then I would not have needed the doctor, counsellor or my medication.

If depression were a choice, then my mind would choose to stop dwelling on things.

If the bad experiences of childhood (including bullying, if I did not have enough already,) and early adulthood had not happened, then I would be able to stop my brain having the memories of those days and re-living them.

Until you have been in my shoes, or other people’s shoes of people suffering mental health, then you do not know. So please do not judge.

What I experience to another person it is different. I know how my experiences affect me, but it does not mean I know fully how it affects the next person. I can only be there to support, or to just listen.

Receiving comments of the following I write below, that I have heard personally myself over the years, are not helpful at all.

  • You can choose not to dwell on things
  • It happened to you a long time ago and so you should put it behind you
  • There’s no point living in the past
  • Isn’t it time you moved on?

So until you have been in our shoes, suffered what we have suffered, you will not know how exactly how our past affects our mental health. So do not judge, but listen to our stories and try to understand how it affects us.

If depression were a choice, then I would choose not to have depression.

Talking therapies

As you know from reading this blog, I have had counselling in the past, the last two sets of sessions being very helpful for me.
This was because after the counsellor who I had for my first of theses two sessions, identifying my childhood past being the cause of how I was now.
Since these sessions have ended, I have been writing this blog as my continuing therapeutic way of dealing with things, as well as other things, like learning something new, remembering to give self-love.

I recommend talking therapy to anyone who is struggling. Talking therapy can work alone, or alongside antidepressants from your doctor, depending on the individual.

I recently learnt that someone closer to me was not doing well as I thought. After this person asked for advice, which I gave, I could see there was a bit more to it then the person was letting on, so I asked further. The person wouldn’t answer this question, as was concerned how I would feel ashamed of them, of their response.
I reassured that person, that I am sure you have done nothing to be ashamed of and that the advice I gave before would not help alone, as I could see whatever this issue was needed to be addressed. This would mean if they felt they could not be open with me, then to speak to a counsellor where you will not need to feel worried about being judged, because they are there to listen.
On answering further questions about what to expect in counselling sessions to reassure this person, because they have never seen a counsellor before, I printed off the necessary information, so they could self-refer. I hope this person does follow it through, because I know this person would benefit from it so much.

If you are feeling the need to talk to someone and have no one, or not confident in speaking to a friend, or family member, then please do speak to a counsellor. They are not there to judge, they are there to help.

I do recommend talking therapy, because you are in a neutral place where you do not need to worry about upsetting, or worrying a friend or relative, so you can unburden yourself. A place where you also won’t feel judged.

For more information on talking therapies, please visit this page at Mental Health Foundation.

Letter to my impatience

Dear Impatience

I have noticed recently you have been slowly creeping in and more so since I have been self-conscious and concerned about my rash. Catching me at a slightly vulnerable time.

I now write to tell you that I will no longer allow you to enter my life, because if I do, I know you will invite anger into my life again.
I have felt good since anger left and now way do I want to see anger in my life again.

When I observed how you were creeping back into my life, I decided to change things slightly as you appeared, to ignore you. It is feeling like a battle with you, which you will not win. I will be inviting kindness back into my life, who I neglected, to say kindness made me feel good. Allowing kindness back into my life, a reminder another blogger gave me, will mean you will no longer be around impatience.

I find you rude impatience for uninviting yourself and pushing kindness out. I will be making sure you are out of the door this time and not kindness. I need to make sure I do not ignore kindness who makes me feel good. I will need to make sure kindness is with me more often, making sure I am ok.

Bye bye, impatience and don’t come back.

Liz

Related post:

Letter to my anxiety