The atmosphere at work seems to be there still and again, at end of shift, someone does not seem to have their sense of humour, so she snapped and left me feeling upset. Not that she probably noticed, as I kept quiet after that and left her to it still muttering, while I watched, before leaving the room. (Before, on another occasion, it was me that snapped, because I was sick of being dragged into the other thing that has caused this atmosphere, that I cannot go into.) Along with how I am feeling as a HSP and also the sensitivity to sounds I am having at the moment, that did not also help.
As I mentioned in comments on another post, that something went off at work causing now what is an atmosphere. As a HSP, I struggled with this and I talked in earlier posts how I craved my week off for quietness, which I had.
Also prior to my week off and coming back, I decided to take myself away from it by sitting somewhere else, till time for work. If I did not do this, I made sure that I arrived at work enough to put my tabard on and my safety shoes, so that by the time I’d done that, it wouldn’t be long before time to start. Doing this, helped me to not pick up all this atmosphere, which I felt closely I would feel the need to be off work sick otherwise, if I didn’t.
Slowly, the past week, I have been rejoining. But I can tell it’s still there and after tonight, I am upset. But I am reminding myself that she is upset for whatever her own personal reasons, whether be it work issues, or what started the atmosphere as a whole for all of us and that I am sensitive to all this, down to me being HSP.
I remind myself as I am at home tonight feeling upset, that this will pass. That I love my job and it’s just the atmosphere that is spoiling it.
But next week and onwards, I plan to be there just to work and only speak when it’s to do with work. If I am earlier than expected, I will go back to sitting by myself, only speaking to certain colleagues individually during shift, in passing. I don’t want to be dragged into this atmosphere. I have had enough. I am there for work, nothing else.
The last few weeks have been mentally and physically draining. You will have probably picked that up in my posts as you read them, even when I did not say it.
I talked about how I was so Craving quietness.
I was craving it badly that final week at work and after a week off, for the first time ever, I did not want to go back. Now I love work still, so don’t get me wrong. At work that has been a little trouble going on, which I cannot go into and I won’ go into detail. It’s not directly at me and it’s not my employer causing it. But what has been going off, has affected the atmosphere due to this incident. It wasn’t quiet at work and the tension in the atmosphere was high and there still is tension. I dreaded going back after the quiet week I craved and my mood was very dark Monday. My mood is a little better but not much.
As I have been learning and as I mentioned here, I am a ‘Highly Sensitive Person’ (HSP) I discovered. With how I have been the last few weeks with the slight difficulty in the moving process, the tiredness both physically and mentally, I am really picking this up at work and it is affecting me. Yesterday, I found I was struggling walking at times, feeling like my legs were going to go from under me. My muscles not wanting to hold me up. This is one of the effects of stress. Not had this for a long time, to that extent and I am hoping my body does not do more of this.
Today, I am a little tearful, after calling into my bank and I have decided to call into a cafe before going home for a drink and then I will be sitting down with my bank details, checking where I went wrong and correcting my workings. I called into the bank because I noticed my standing order for my rent was returned. Looking at my balance, it looked like there was sufficient funds and I was fuming that it had been returned. After the bank looked into it, it turned out a payment elsewhere I made was put first (which that’s fine) and standing order returned, as there would have been insufficient funds. Thankfully no charges. I am usually very good when it comes to my own money, making sure I have sufficient funds and I thought I had made a note of this in my folder, so when I am home, I will be seeing if I did make a note of this other payment or not. And then I will be just having my quiet. I thought I was with it now, but obviously not.
My mood is not also helping with my sensitivity to sound I am having. I have finally got round to emailing my audiologist yesterday, so hopefully, I will hear of an appointment soon with a particular audiologist.
As I talked about in Chit-chat October, I knew that I was a sensitive person, but as being a ‘Highly Sensitive Person’ (HSP) was new to me. I looked up further about HSP, after a reader commented how she was a HSP and wondered if I was. I googled the film/documentary she mentioned and then I visited another website on the topic. I could see from further reading of both the website and book I have bought, “The Highly Sensitive Person,” by Elaine N. Aron, Ph. D, that I am a HSP. I continue to work through this book, as said in Chit chat October, so I’m sure I will discuss things I am learning, in future posts here. There are some things I either remember, or remembering, which I am processing and I now look at differently, for the better. As some of my memories are from childhood, I may at times have to practice extra self-care. But I am fine as I do this, because I have the tools to do it, learnt from therapy, as well as additional I learnt, that worked for me.
I will leave you with website link I visited and read more on this topic.
Are you a Highly Sensitive Person?