Chit-chat July

So as you know, I took a blogging break. My mind was getting in a further mess of confusion. I felt overloaded, yet I wasn’t. I just couldn’t cope with how my brain was feeling of further confusion and, forgetfulness and my blog that started as therapy for me, when I first started writing this blog meant I just couldn’t be arsed to write and air what I was feeling, because it felt like too much work.
I was tired. I have been feeling tired for a long time as you know, as well as stressed. I wanted and needed to switch off. If I could have locked myself in a room for a week, or two without any form of contact, I would have done that.
It meant also not reading other people’s blogs, as well as avoiding mine. But at times, when I felt really good, I allowed myself to read the odd blog posts, liking theirs and maybe commenting. But I made sure my time was short.

So did my blogging break help?

Yes, surprisingly it did. I am still forgetful and I don’t expect this to improve, but feeling in general now to before, I feel much better, mentally. But I wasn’t expecting it to, with how I felt back then. This is my first post, since back from my blogging break.

I thank my kind readers and friends for their kind supportive comments, whether here on my blog, by email, or personally. 

Asthma

To top it off, which some of you will know already, my asthma has been very troublesome this year. It affected my sleep in the end, for nearly two weeks, because I was waking up through the night every 2 hours, or less. But the asthma (and cough) itself had been going on much longer than this, before it disrupted my sleep.
I was proper pissed off. If I wasn’t tired enough, I now had to face disruptive sleep, until asthma (cough) was more under control, as well as being pissed off and frustrated with my coughing and limits it was putting on me, because I wasn’t walking out to he extent I was before.

I have had asthma for years, but it’s never been an issue. So for the first time in all the years of having asthma, this year was the first year I can say it was a nuisance.
I have had one nurse appointment that led on to having a doctor’s appointment, as the nurse was concerned on a few things.
At this first doctor’s appointment, after examination and discussion, I was given a short course of steroids. I felt third day in on them that my chest felt lighter and by the fourth day, that night, I got my first decent nights sleep. But my cough was still a pain and gasping for breath with it. And I still wasn’t myself. I also started coughing up blood towards the weekend, so this led to me making a second appointment at my doctor’s.
At my second appointment, I was examined and we chatted. My examination shown, like at my first appointment that there were no sign of a chest infection, but because my cough was no better and because of the coughing up blood, he thought it might be worth having a short course of antibiotics. These antibiotics were a strong dose and I seen further improvement in the end. I just have the odd coughing bout now, which varies in extent, depending on weather and pollen.
I also had a chest x-ray, which turned out to be ok.

I am glad that my throat no longer feels like razor blades from coughing, but I am seeing if the rest may calm down on it’s own. If it doesn’t and I am not back to my full self, I shall go back, which if this is he case, I may have already done it by the time this post airs.

Dairy free

Before my cough got worse, I already decided I was cutting out milk and yogurt again, using soya alternatives instead.
I am also only going to have:

  • dairy free butter
  • dairy free ice-cream
  • diary free chocolate

The dairy free chocolate I find more satisfying. The bar lasts me much longer, as I only take a few pieces at a time, where a dairy bar of the same size, I will eat all in one go.

I did this again, because I know by cutting out milk and dairy yogurt alone, the phlegm is much less in the back of my throat, or not at all mostly, when I have done this before, when I have had the phlegm problem in the past. I am not cutting dairy out for any other reason, than this.

With the asthma being much worse, as already talked about than its ever been, the phlegm in my throat felt very bad, at my worst coughing. I can’t imagine how much worser it would have felt for me, had I not cut milk and dairy yogurt out at this point.

In the past, I have done it on a temporary scale for so many months, but the above I have done now, I am doing it more permanently. But going completely dairy-free in the long run, I don’t know yet. At the moment, the completely dairy-free way, I am definitely doing for the remainder of this year and into the New Year and re-evaluate from there as to whether I continue being dairy-free, or partly.
If I don’t have soya milk in my tea, I also drink it black and I will put a teaspoon of honey in my tea a couple times a day. This was something I learnt to like, when I felt I had to cut the milk out before. So no problems in doing it again. And I can drink coffee black.

As this post airs, it will be my first day of being completely diary-free, after slowly cutting dairy off.
I already know that it gets a little bit difficult, when it comes to eating out in some places, because I already know of two places in my local area, where I won’t be eating, now I choose to be dairy-free.
Do you find it the same?

The only hardest problem I felt for me, was giving up dairy cheese. Which is surprising to say, considering I don’t eat a cheese sandwich often. But that’s not saying I don’t like dairy-free cheese, because I do, as I have ate it before personally.
I have some in the fridge ready, for when I fancy a dairy-free cheese sandwich, or toastie

Do you have dairy-free cheese?

I found a very useful book from my local library, to help me on my dairy free journey. It’s called, “How to cook for food allergies,” by Lucinda Bruce-Gardyne. This book covers more than just dairy, so ideal if you have other food allergies. I bought a second-hand copy in the end, on eBay. I will talk about this book in a post of it’s own, a little later.

Are any of my readers diary free, in their diet?

Celebratory party

I went back to where I used to volunteer for their celebratory party. 35 years they have been serving the community.
It was first time they seen me since I left and when they knew I did not stay in the other job, they were quick to ask me back, if I wanted to come back. I told them that I may be in another job I am waiting to hear from, that’s possibly temp to permanent, so couldn’t say yet what I would be doing. But if it turned out it wasn’t happening, I would come back to help, until in another morning job. As long as they don’t give me another leaving due. We laughed on that and they said they wouldn’t. But if I wanted to come back, they certainly would have me.

Budget

So I may have only been in that morning cleaning job for a short time of not quite 2 weeks, but it was enough to know whether a second cleaning job would make all the difference to my budget.
I know that it doesn’t have to be 10 hours at least a week, as I first thought. I could take on a job of at least 8 hours a week and, with that and my other cleaning job, I would be able to live on it without struggling, as well as being able to save.

DVD’s watched

  • Cold Mountain
  • The General’s Daughter
  • The Stray, A True Dog Tale.
  • Replicas (staring Keanu Reeves)
  • (Re-watched) The Phantom of the Opera at the Royal Albert Hall
  • Life
  • Unbroken
  • (Re-watched) A Stitch in Time
  • (Re-watched) The Square Peg
  • Sherlock, series 1, 2, 3 and 4.

Books

I have not read any books for some time, other than the last book I need to get back into and continue reading; “The Highly Sensitive Person,” by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. So this month, I have read, “The Little Book of Bob – Life Lessons from a Street-wise cat,” by James Bowen, which I bought from The Works.
Then I read, “Hope Was Here,” by Joan Bauer, which I got from the library.

I look forward to seeing you back here and chatting with you. Again, thank you for your support 

There are plenty of posts scheduled here, which I hope you are looking forward to.
I hope to get back into joining in with “Fibbing Friday” and “Working on Us,” prompts too.

Chit-chat June

My new job

3rd June, I started my new morning cleaning job.
As you will know from earlier posts, I wasn’t too sure about this job. But both my employer and the client where I am cleaning, are nice, which makes it relaxing in that way. But my first day at work was not impressionable, as I revealed here: Job shopping.

After 4 days, I decided to put my notice in. I gave just over a weeks notice. I decided to do this after having a panic attack, prior to setting out. I had irritable bowel a few occasions, with the stress too.
After I put my notice in, both my employer and the place I clean tempted me to stay. But I did not. It wasn’t for me.
When speaking with the manager, she apologised for coming across the way she did, on my first day. She did not mean to cause me stress. As I have said before and I said to her, I totally got where she was coming from, but she did scare me a little.
It turns out she is happy with my work and wanted to know how she could reduce my stress, which I discussed, but said I am not going to stay, because I am not impressed who I work for, as I wasn’t impressed with my line manager on my first day, which we talked further about.
We also chatted about other things. I said they wouldn’t see the last of me as I will come here for lunch at times, when I can afford to. I do like it here, but the job is not for me.

Something else is in the pipeline, possibly, work wise though. I basically will be cleaning for my same employers that I have worked for now, for over year, that I have enjoyed every minute of. The only difference, is a new area to clean at and a different person to speak to, for this job. This morning cleaning job is less hours. But it may go up to some more. It’s temporary, to possibly permanent, because of the circumstances. I chose to accept, whether this turn out to be permanent, or not. I am currently waiting on this, if it is still happening. I shall have to email on the matter, in another week, if I hear nothing more.

Supporting mum

I supported mum with her appointment, to do with her mental health. An appointment my mum did not want to attend, or travel to. So I got to see this psychiatrist for the first time, who my mum has seen before. This psychiatrist was really nice and when we left, mum said she liked her. I just had to laugh, because of how this dislike now became to be a like.
The mental health team that have been there since mum was discharged from hospital, have discharged my mum and she is now seeing a CPN, who reports back to her psychiatrist.

Day trip in Oxford

I met up with my friend, in Oxford. It’s been some time since we last met and this year was precious, with me only being able to visit Oxford once this year.
I received a lovely parcel from my friend of goodies, to put a smile on my face. Which it did and all put to good use.

Stone art

I have been doing some stone art for the first time last month.

(Images of these two stone arts below are mine. © Elizabeth Fisher.)

Mum likes the hedgehog and wanted me to paint her one. Paying me for it, so asked me what I would charge, if I decide in selling these, if I did more. This current hedgehog and my ‘breathe’ stone art is not for sale, but as I said to mum, if I paint another hedgehog, the pebble needs to give me the impression of a hedgehog.
These photos were taken before I varnished them and are now, or are finished being varnished in matt varnish, as this post airs.

New commenters on my blog, beware.

I am noticing I am getting new followers, or just new commenters, that when they decide to leave comments they leave only words along the lines of, “nice post,” or “great post,”
I have started to challenge those commenters by asking on the lines of, “What did you find nice/great about it?” As I expected, I didn’t get a response back. So readers beware, if you do start to leave comments like that, especially if you are not a regular commenter, or it’s first time commenting, I am not going to air a comment that just says “great post,” or similar. You need to explain further why. I would rather you just click the like button, after reading, if you can’t emphasize on the “great post,” comment. Thank you.

I would like to remind new commenters also, if your comment feels spammy and nothing to do with post in question, it won’t get aired.

And any comments that have a link in the comment, will be edited and removed. This was one of many things that annoy me, as I mentioned in this post when I re-shared another blogger’s post on the topic. That can be found here: Blog post re-share: 7 Telltale Signs Of A Desperate Blogger — Renard’s World.
Any comments I do edit, readers will know, because I will write below in that comment inside brackets, pointing out I edited it and why. Like for example, links removed. But if the comment has no meaning to topic, it simply won’t get aired.

I have already started editing comments before this post aired, that broke my blog rules.

I have always stated on my Policies/Disclaimer page about editing comments accordingly if they don’t follow my blog’s rules. I have also done posts reminding readers of this. Mostly, I have readers that follow this, but some are creeping through that are not, so I will be hitting hard and following my rules from now on.

I have started volunteering somewhere else

I have started volunteering in my own local area of Mansfield, for a local conservation group. My first meet up was one Saturday, for litter picking. I went around with another volunteer and I spent nearly two hours picking up litter, around Quarry Lane Nature Reserve.
It was the first time I have been on this nature reserve and it was lovely. I was impressed and I enjoyed participating with the group of volunteers. I hope to join in with them, on future events.
There are regular various events and people just dip and out of these different events. You come and do what you fancy.

DVD’s watched:

  • (Re-watched) As Good As It Gets
  • (Re-watched) Sum of all Fears
  • (Re-watched) Man of Steel

Getting my remaining answers from HMRC Working Tax Credit (WTC) department

The second week into June, I received a letter from my local MP who was chasing up my remaining questions I had in regards to WTC.
Finally, those remaining questions were answered and now I can say case closed. But if it wasn’t for my local MP and his caseworker, I would not have got my answers. It has taken nearly two months to get my follow-up email of questions to be answered.
But my feelings still stand when it comes to WTC, or Universal Credit that gets so much bad press, that I will avoid these two benefits, regardless of any struggles.
Having these questions answered and having it in writing, puts my mind at ease and I can finally move on from this.

No more Mr squirrel, (or Mrs)

In all the time I  have lived where I currently live, I have only ever seen one squirrel in the garden of where I live. I would see this squirrel regular at certain times, but unfortunately, I will see this squirrel no more.
The weekend my mum came over and joined in with Fibbing Friday for the first time, on a Sunday morning when she came to set out and meet me after I had finished work, she came across a dead squirrel, just outside the grounds of the property, on the pavement. Mum got rid of it, as she did not want me to ser it. It upset her too and she wasn’t going to tell me. But thankfully, mum did. Mum knew how much I looked out for the squirrel. There has been no sighting of a squirrel, so as I already sadly assumed, it looks like it’s the one I used to watch. 

Asthma

This year, of all the years I have had asthma, I consider this year, the first year to find my asthma a nuisance.
After having my latest episode to continue for some time and nothing really changing after following my asthma care plan, I ended up going to the doctors.
I first seen the nurse, who was concerned on a few matters and so an appointment with the doctor was made for the same day, just a few hours later.
After examination and finding I had no signs of a chest infection, I was given a short course of steroids. If no better, to go back.
The sleepless nights that I have had, have just added to my exhaustion and so I may take an extended break from blogging.

Blogging break

And as most of you will know, I am currently taking a blogging break and won’t be back until later in July, as mentioned in an earlier post aired. So any comments won’t get aired until then and replied to. I may require a further break than planned. If that’s the case, I will post a further update, to let you know.

I thank everyone for their kind support and patience, while I take the required break I need.

My go-to, in times of escape.

It got difficult because of feeling that mentally and physically drained for so long this year, that when I found the new morning job wasn’t for me and the circumstances around it, that I have revealed in earlier posts, that it pushed me to my limit energy-wise.

I have cried and still have my moments, while I feel like this. I have regardless how I have been, still been able to crack jokes and have a laugh. But behind it all, it has still been pained. Hopefully, now I have finished my morning cleaning job, I should hopefully get my energy back and start to feel more better.

But while I have been as I have been, my go-to, in times of escape, have been the following:

  • Walking, especially in nature.
  • Watching Michael Flatley’s, Lord of the Dance DVD.
  • Listening to Michael Flatley’s Lord of the Dance.
  • Sleeping

Job shopping

So today was my first day at my new job and I still not 100% sure about it.

As I have said before, my line manager is fine and seems approachable. He knows after today that I have been thinking of calling it quits. But he knows I won’t do anything yet.
Where I clean for, as I have said before, it seems a nice place to work for. But I have seen things on both sides; my employer and who I am cleaning for, points of views and I am the one in the middle who is staying out of that.
But it brings with it where I am not impressed, with what I see and what went on today. Which my line may said, anymore problems, let me know. But I will be sticking it out and if I choose to leave, than it will be while I am currently working here that I will do it. I am not just going to quit, because knowing I have this job eases the pressures off regarding my money situation. So unless I am got rid during probation period, I don’t plan on going anywhere, unless I do still choose to move into another job.
So I will be job shopping, (my version of window shopping) and applying for anything that catches my eye, just to keep my options open, at the hours close to what I am doing now.
This new job is 14 hours per week and so when I look at future job vacancies, I will try and get near that as possible, or more, when looking.

Post update on mum and things

After last week’s crisis with my mum, things have been better since. Mum is feeling more better since. She still looks tired though.

Mum had last night on her own at home, as I went back home. But after I finished my shift, I sent my mum a reminder text for the cheesecake and then we were having a joking banter via text about it. 😁

Mum is now at mine this morning and stopping the night, so we will be doing things together in some way, or individually in my home. Or just simply a bit of quietness at times.
I have already been reading to mum some Friday Fibbing posts this morning and my mum was joining in giving some of her own answers. 😊 So you may see answers from my mum here, as well as what I can give answers to.
If this does happen, then my Friday Fibbing posts could be a couple of days late, so I can include my mum’s answers. But I am going to try and do Friday Fibbing each week.

You will know if you were reading comments in “After the night before,” that after contacting my landlord and explaining my situation, he is allowing me to break my contract early. As long as I give a month’s notice and allow letting agents in to show possible new tennant’s around, he’s fine. So I now start looking at council properties each week and bid on anything suitable.
There is nothing this week, so it’s see what is going next week. Mum is clearing out her sideboard and some drawers  that are amongst items to donate to charity later.

With regards to HMRC, Working Tax Credit people, you may remember a while back how when I wasn’t going to let my complaint drop, just because they paid me a little compensation, because their reply just created even further questions, I wanted answering. So as you know, the caseworker on behalf of my MP sent that further complaint to them and they said they would escalate that complaint to their complaint department. Well, I am still waiting, so as usual, they are no better replying. It’s been way over a month. I have reminded the caseworker that I am still needing a response to this and also further explanation to further money they have put into my bank account. But nothing to know why they have gave this. I just want answers in a reasonable time frame that HMRC/WTC are STILL failing to do. I need it in black and white.

My new cleaning job, that you know I got, I start Monday.

After the night before

Mum seems calm after last night, but very tired looking. See the post On the floor at mum’s that I written in the early hours.

The team I texted last night, got back to me this morning, about 10 minutes ago. I gave them the update, pointing out I had emailed her main support workers this morning.

I have emailed my landlord, to see if any chance he would allow me to break my tenancy agreement early, because of this situation with my mum.

I feel upset this morning and I am holding back my tears. I feel a little tired, but I bet it will creep up later at work. I feel mainly worried and stressed with my situation. The situation I mentioned in the comment section of my above linked post and that’s if this happens again, I would have to choose staying at home once I have started my morning job, because of being able to get to that job. Thee There are no buses my mum’s way for the time I would have to set out to get there and I am not in a position to give this job up. I can’t afford to. I don’t get any support, like carers allowance for example.
To feel I have to choose to stay at home, so I can get to this new job, should this crisis happen again… I don’t know what I feel right now, other than I am upset and feeling the pressure right now.
Please don’t tell me to go the doctors to sign off sick, because sick pay wouldn’t cover my rent. So what about the rest?
I can’t draw money out of thin air. My current job and new job when I start is my only income.
I don’t like that I have to choose to stay at home, because of getting to the new morning job, once I know when I am starting.

I will be going back to mine this morning, as I need to pick something up that’s important for tomorrow, for an appointment I have. So that I am not rushing around, it will be easier me having lunch at home, while I do anything else that crops up, before going to work in the evening. But my mum is going to be on my mind more then ever today, because of what I witnessed last night.

After work, I will be going back to mum’s in taxi. My mum gave me the money to do this, so I can get back to hers.
I will then have to leave mum’s Friday, for work and then I am back home after work. Mum will then be at mine for the night, from Saturday. I am hoping maybe to hunt in her staying a little longer at mine.

On the floor at mum’s

I should be asleep. But I am not, due to just getting my mum back in bed, after she was convinced of hearing some banging. Mum was in the bathroom. The only time a bang happened, was when boiler was going on and off, in tune with her turning hot tap on and off. This was why I got up to check on her, with knowing it wasn’t the heating.

When work finished last night, I found a text off my mum. I won’t go into the details of the text, but it’s same talk as I have heard as a child. So I know things were not good. If it wasn’t for a work colleague taking me to mine so I could take some of my belongings, as well as needing mum’s house key, and then taking me there, I wouldn’t have been able to have get, with no money for taxi, due to no buses that time of night where mum lives. I wouldn’t have got to my mum’s as quick as I did either.

I texted the appropriate number I was told I could text on, that reaches the team. Open till 10pm. I texted 8.12pm, copying and quoting mum’s text she sent me and seeing if they could check on her, or phone her. Mum did not receive a call and I received no text. So what brilliant help that was.

I don’t know if this will turn out to be a long night where mum is hearing things that are not happening, or if she will finally go to sleep. Hopefully, I  will sleep too. But mum is aggitated at times and hearing things  not there. Whether neighbour was noisy in bedroom/bathroom prior. I don’t know. As mum is near that side. But the only banging I heard was the boiler, cos mum was turning hot tap on and off, saying it was banging.

I will be having another night here on the floor. So I have taxi money to bring me back from work at night, as no way can I walk the distance home to my mum’s with my foot. It will then be one night mum will be on her own, before coming to mine at the weekend, for a night.