It’s finally happened …

Today, is a joyous day. It doesn’t mean recently things have been very terrible, or unexpectedly sad, or depressed. But it’s a special day today.

So what is it you are now wondering?

It’s took 19 years to get to this place. ( I thought it was 20 originally.)

For 19 years, I have been chasing for those extra permanent working hours, to achieve a minimum of 30 hours per week.
This morning, I had a job interview for a morning cleaning vacancy and I got the job.
I don’t think I would have got this job, had I not emailed the day before to see what was happening, after I sent my CV via email 5 days prior. That email was a begging email for this job, on top of reminding them of my interest and that I had retail experience, if it was retail I would be in. I also mentioned to them of my other experiences I had.

I arrived half an hour early before my time and the person who interviewed me felt very comfortable to be with.
The company I will be working for seem to be a disability friendly employer. The person who interviewed me is happy for me to email, or text him. To text him anytime to query anything, or any issues I may have.

The staff of the place I will be cleaning for were also very pleasant and I felt relaxed being there. It felt just as relaxed as my current employer.

I was very surprised how my job interview went from I would know in a couple of days of the outcome, to I had got the job.
He rang his boss, which turned out to be the one who emailed me the night before with interview details and talked to her about me, how he was going to take me on, because I arrived half an hour early, very skilled and asking lots of questions about the job.

All being well, I will start next week. This depends on paperwork being sorted and getting me on the payroll. Wednesday’s will be my day off each week and he will sort out how these odd few minutes will be worked out over my 6 working days, to make my 14 hours per week with them.
I could have worked the full 7 days if I wanted and worked 16 per week, but preferably he would like me to have a day off, for that break. I agreed, that as tempting as it was, I would have my Wednesday’s off, as so I don’t risk burnout. I was allowed to choose which day in the week, as my day off.
My day off I require in June, because I have my paid for trip to Oxford, has been honoured too, as he said they have to.

As this post airs, once I have finished my mug of tea off, I will get myself registered online with the company I am working for, providing the details they require, to get the ball rolling for next week.

Now that I have this job and if it’s next week I am starting as he hopes, means that I will now be leaving my volunteering place. The volunteering place knew one day this would come. I shall be calling in tomorrow, to give them the sad news and as one is on annual leave all this week, I plan to call in the following Wednesday, so I can see her and say goodbye, as well as thanks.

This has been one good storage box

This storage box I have had since my teens and it is still perfect, since the day I owned it. (I am 43 now.)
My mum bought me this, so I could store my art materials; pencils, felt pens and paints and whatever else then, I can’t remember.

Later, for a few years, all my nail varnishes, dotting tools, nail stickers etc… were in here, to make it easier to take to class when I did a nail art course.

Now, as in photos above, I have changed it back to my art box. I have my watercolour paints, acrylic paints, jars, paint brushes, mixing tray and dotting tools in this box.
I moved my nail varnish stuff into a clear box.

Do you have something, that you have owned for a very long time?

Nature Heals

I have been at my mum’s the past two nights, as I have been painting her bedroom walls and ceiling. I go home tonight and I shall do my own thing tomorrow, which will be a day at Southwell. So while at Southwell, I will no doubt look in Southwell Minster while there too.

This morning, while needing to do a couple of things, I also needed to be in nature, to refresh. So I went to Sutton Lawn. After calling in The Rumbles cafe and a wander around this park, I had a sit back on a bench I once sat on before and just take it all in for half an hour. This photo below, I taken from this very bench I sat at, a couple of years back, which I shared in a post.

Photo taken while still sat on bench

The photos below, I took today from the same spot and very near by, when I started making my way back in town.


Nature heals and I needed it this morning.

Frugal living – Part 7 (Hay fever medication)

This frugal living focuses on hayfever.

I have had hayfever since my teens. At my worst, I have had to not only take tablets for my hayfever, but also nasal spray and eye drops.
When I was learning to drive, I changed my hayfever tablets as suggested by my driving instructor. These tablets were the same I had been in since a teenager and I think the change to having something different did a world of good. This was because for a few years, I had no symptoms to start with, until last year a slight touch. But this year a little more, that I have had to put myself back on my nasal spray.

Now last year, because of cutbacks, it was decided hay fever medication were not to be provided by prescription on the NHS. I was lucky I could still get it when I heard others were paying.
Now moving areas, meaning new doctors and hay fever season already in season for me as I write this, I already knew last October that I would have to buy my hayfever medication this year, in preparation for when that time of year came.

Even though I am buying my own medication for my hayfever this year, doesn’t mean I have to change what I take. But I have looked around and price things up, to get it as cheap as I can for myself.

What have I learnt?

Shop around – one place may be cheaper than the other for the same thing.

Avoid brand names – brand names cost more and you can buy a shops own with the same ingredients. They work just the same.
When you buy your medication, just look at the important active ingredient in your medication. So for example, my nasal spray is Beclometasone Dipropionate nasal spray. The important thing I look for when looking around at Beclometasone Dipropionate nasal sprays, is making sure my dose says 50 micrograms on the box, for that Beclometasone Dipropionate nasal spray. I have also read in a magazine that to look at the “PL code” on the back of products, resting assured it it is the exact same product, so buy the cheapest.

I been getting my nasal spray and tablets from Boots and I have bought their own brand.
My eyes have been a little itchy, but it’s manageable at the moment. But if I feel I need to get my usual eye drops, I will be back at Boots, buying their own brand.

As tight as money is, I can’t leave off my hay fever medication.

I have tried alternatives in the past from health shops, that seamt cheaper in the past, but they don’t work for me.

It’s not all rainbows and fairies. But it’s what you make of it.

This is something I feel I need to get off my chest and, as I have a majority of supporting and understanding bloggers, because you have been there yourself, I know you will understand. But it doesn’t mean this post came easy, because I have wanted to write this for a month, but held myself back. But now my red mist has visited me a couple of times and my past couple of posts reflecting this partly. I will let it out. Or as I say, ‘rip.’

Ever since I found my mum that day after her OD, my stress levels have not come completely down, because I have and still worried about my mum. And this red mist that has shown out of the blue, in the comfort of my own home, away from prying eyes and recently only showing it partly on my blog, I have been trying until I can’t contain it no longer. All because I did not want to show this unhappy side of me. I feel because I have shown the red mist because of making it all happy and smiley and saying I’m fine, when I have not always been, giving that fake smile, now shameful because I shown the red mist here.

It’s not all smilies, rainbows and fairies. No one can be 100% happy under life stresses. I have done well finding positives out of my life stresses, which I will try and remember everyone of those these past few months here I made, at the end of the post list them.

I have felt partly pressured here to keep it all happy until I couldn’t any longer and I feel I may be judged by one, or two, who are not me and can’t be 100% fucking happy.

I am trying my best and my best is good enough and at a point I really share my feelings now, because I cannot keep quiet any longer, I will also let this shame go with that I have been carrying and not allow anyone to shame me either!

I think I have done well this year considering what has happened and the pressures I am still under

Regardless I am showing this, I won’t be shamed by anyone, because underneath, I have still found positives to my negatives. I just did not find these instant, because the red mist paid a visit. But I found these positive alternatives 10 minutes, give, or take, after!

Also, this year, since that day with my mum, I have been very forgetful. I have been frustrated with this, but also bloody dizzy at times trying to get my head together, remembering.

So this year, the positives I can remember I found from the negatives:

  • My mum being alive
  • Mum’s situation bringing us together, to where one day be living together.
  • From mum choosing to live with me has now gave me an increased chance of being in a council property, than I would have had on my own.
  • For mum’s situation to move us further up than before, on the banding list.
  • Instagram may have disabled my account but I thought fuck em. I have now created a visual folder on my phone to look at when needed.
  • My to do lists are very important in my daily life, now I am forgetful as I am. It works in addition to my diary as it’s more a visual thing.
  • I have created a “vitality wheel” for myself. It’s a new visual self-care thing for me. I will talk about this later.
  • Walking is my go thing. I may never have got round to running, but walking has never failed. It helps me to feel good.
  • Certain scents I am using for comfort in these last couple of months, to keep my mood positive.


The need to walk

I like to walk.
I’m used to walking far, because in the past I had no choice but to walk in all weathers because I had no money for buses. (Before I was deaf and eligible for a bus pass.)
Walking helps me to get rid of any built-up tension and I feel good.
If I don’t walk like I usually do for some time, I find my legs tell me so. I still have times my joints tell me so when I am walking, but it’s worser for not. So I’m better off walking.
Walking keeps me physically and mentally fit as I can be. If I slack, I will know about it.

I’ve had the urge to run as you know and I still do, but I don’t seemed to have progressed to the running part yet, due to what’s been happening, but also motivation. But getting myself to walk, never fails me.

Some people don’t understand the need for me to walk, what ever the distance. I find these tend to be the ones who are either car drivers, or rely on lifts regular. Some of them have admitted they can’t be bothered to walk, especially after a shift at work. Sometimes I feel I can’t be bothered after a shift too, but I still walk home, except for one night per week, where I may have a ride on the bus back home.
If I start to be a regular passenger in a car and keep accepting lifts on a daily basis, I soon start to feel fidgety. I have to walk at some point in my day, whether it 30 minutes, or longer. I don’t care. I’m happy and I feel free when I am at least walking.
This freeness also stems from my childhood as I once blogged about here, in the past. I used to then, when old enough to be by myself, walk some distances in fields with my dog, just to escape my troubles from home and the bullying at school. I loved being out there with him, what ever the weather.

Walking will never get boring for me. 🙂

Update on being with mum

As you know from this post, Stopping at mum’s next week, I was doing as the post says. I arrived at my mum’s Monday morning and staying here till Saturday afternoon. Then going back home.
So how have things been? How have we got on? And how has my mum been in herself, as well as me been coping? may be some of the questions my friends and readers have been asking to themselves.

I could see when I first arrived at my mum’s with my suitcase and sleeping bag, that my mum was extremely happy to see me, behind those tired looking eyes.
Don’t get me wrong, mum is always happy to see me, but it’s the extra chirpiness, bubbliness and that twinkle in her eyes also that I notice that my mum has never shown before, until these years we have lived separately, but have even developed more over the recent years. I did wonder how mum would take to me staying for the week at hers, after giving her a text last week that I was staying over, no arguments. (Or an order.) Which ever way you see this. But as you know, I was worried how mum looked and not dealing with these voices well.
Well seeing my mum’s first impressions, I soon knew we were going to be alright, as her excitidness shown through.

First two days, once at some point each morning that lasted 5 minutes or under, we had arguments. We both raised our voices in these 5 minutes, or under that it lasted. But it shown how we have both come along on over the years, because the arguments as I say lasted 5 minutes, or less and with no grudges held by either after.
We even both smiled and talked about other things straight after, that made it feel like we had no argument just prior.
I was aware how my body was feeling during and, after this argument and noticed how immediately the tension I had disappeared, after the argument ended. Years ago, I would have held onto to that tension for days and the actual argument, not always  letting it go. But this is the difference I knew how I would be now, after the counseling I had that time, that I shared in much earlier blog posts, because compared to years ago, the counseling helped me get rid of anger as well as other things I did not even know I had. I knew that that me and my mum one day living together one day again, would be so much better than before and the week I have stayed with my mum, has proven that. We have both grown in our own ways and as for me, hell of a lot has changed for the better, as you know with my blog posts.

Staying at my mum’s, I wanted to see how mum would be mentally this week. I also wanted to see that no stuff was going on outside, that could be to blame. So by being there, if mum heard voices, I was hoping she would tell me. Had it been someone outside causing this, there would have been trouble.
So far as I write this, while I have been there, mum had not heard any voices and an ocassion I looked outside one night, through the window, I have sent nothing.

As I write this, I have one more night with my mum left, before I go tomorrow afternoon back home.
During this time, my mum has been very happy and she looks less tired.
During the week I have been there, we have had time together during this time, as well as doing our own things in the day on others.
At night, to going to sleep, I have always been there.

Mum writes poetry and she has done this for many years. Most of my childhood, I know that. But she’s wrote a bit before that too I’ve learnt.
I have been reading my mum’s poems that she has created during this week.
We have also been laughing and joking, while I am here.
Lots of talking obviously.
My mum has enjoyed cooking dinners for two this week, so I think she will miss this and my company like she’s had this week. But mum is looking forward to the time we live together.

I went with mum to her audiology appointment and my mum has new hearing aids, where she can put the volume up, or down on these. The others had nothing like that.
Mum cannot have a hearing test just yet, as she has ear wax in both ears. One ear worser than the other, which turns out to be the one my mum felt deafer in. My mum has to use ear drops first, for the next couple of weeks, then make an appointment to see the nurse at her doctors, to check them. When it’s confirmed they are clear, then mum goes back to audiology to see them, which when they check themselves that ears are clear, then a hearing test will be made.