Hopefully all is fine

Today, when I went to see mum, I found she wasn’t there at the mental health unit. Instead, mum was sent to A&E. Mum had a fall in the early hours, but she was ok from that. They sent my mum instead because of her being chesty and having a temperature. Not because of her fall. They said they sent me an email early in the morning. (This email never arrived until the evening.) So after looking for mum on A&E to see if she was still there, or on a ward, I found her to be on an emergency assessment unit.
Mum will be there for a day, or two, to be observed, while on oxygen and antibiotics. The nurse thinks this could be linked to her overdose and the time she was unconscious. If all is fine in this day or two, them mum will be back in the mental health unit.

Mum was happy and joking and I was joking back. Me and mum were certainly both on form today, compared to yesterday. (See Today was a hard day) I am hoping all will be fine and that this is just a precaution.

Today was a hard day

I woke up this morning finding I was having a job getting out of bed. I felt so tired and this has lasted all day. I also noticed how I had twinges of pain in my left side, so I guess I slept funny. It was like I pulled myself. I felt this tiredness affected my mood too, as I was feeling low.

I had a cry mid morning, before having lunch.

After lunch, I posted some letters off I typed up earlier; two for mum and two of my own. Once they were dealt with, it was on my way to see my mum.
I passed on information what I had done in regards to her affairs. Told her about mine and about the weekend. Mum talked a little. I could see she wasn’t having possibly a good day herself, mentally. I then realised I forgot to bring mum’s things when she asked for something particular. I couldn’t do anything about that, as I told my mum. Other than remember tomorrow.
I left a little earlier than normal to compensate for my tiredness, so there was less of a rush to work. I could feel the tears flowing as I left the building, but I only allowed a few years to flow and not exactly how I was feeling at the time.

I hope tomorrow is an easier day and I am not feeling so tired. Continue reading “Today was a hard day”

So it’s the weekend

So Saturday morning was sorting through my mum’s paperwork and filing it, so it was in order in its own sections and not bundled over several drawers all mixed up, as mum had it before. I brought most of the paperwork to mine and I sat on the floor sorting it, with plenty mugs of tea. I spent a couple of hours sifting through it all.

I then went on to start cleaning my oven, giving it a good clean. Since moving in, it was only now I decided to do it, after putting it off. The reason I put off for so long doing this was because of knowing the oven was already greased up when I moved in. So it wasn’t my mess I was cleaning up, it was the tenant prior. Unfortunately, I never looked in oven at sign up, so when I did discover it, I did not bother reporting it, because it would be hard to prove. It’s not 100% removed, but it’s much better than it was and gleaming inside. My hands, fingers and wrists feel like they have been overworked in a gym. I spent a good couple of hours on the oven, trying to bring it up better.
Then later, after giving my hands a bit of time to recover, I cleaned the shelving from the oven in the sink

I sold my dehumidifier. I am so happy about that. I may have lost some money by selling it in the short time I had it, but little amount of money was better than no money and no plans of using it anymore. It’s benefiting another family on limited income, as they start out in a place together.

I watched a couple of dvd’s in the evening, before going to bed, with further mugs of tea and a hot chocolate.

Today, all being well, I shall be meeting up with a friend and going out to a pub for a meal. I am hoping after our meal, that it’s not too bad to sit outside in the pub garden for a bit.

When I am back home, I will probably watch a dvd, or two.

How’s your weekend?

You are not a burden

Depending on your circumstances, you may feel a burden to others. This could be because of a mental health, or physical health issue.

But you are not a burden.

My mum doesn’t want to be a burden. She had expressed this to me and staff members. But hopefully, by listening to me and the staff members on the ward where she is, that my mum realises that she won’t be.

From what mum told me recently, a staff member that had spoken to her, to put a long conversation short, she said, “… Mum was there for me and now it was time for me to be there for her…”

I said to mum, “By being with me, I won’t worry as much as I would have, if you were still living on your own.
I need you close to know you are ok. To support you when required, while you continue to be as independent as possible.
I want you to feel safe.”

I have had a couple say that it’s a big then by getting my mum to live with me. I am in no way offended by that comment. But when I was told by A&E staff that my mum was very unwell and to be prepared I could lose her, this decision of me and mum to live together was not a hard decision to make. In fact I did not need to think about it.

If my mum one day has to go back to her bungalow, before the time comes to us living together, I will be feeling very uneasy. I will be scared that my mum could do it again.
Mum has promised she won’t take an overdose again, because she knows how much it has hurt me. My mum can see how much it has hurt me. But the mental health team, like me, as they talk to her, need to know that when it gets difficult again, that she doesn’t try it again. There will be more talking by the different mental health team members in some way, while her medication is adjusted. The mental health team can see my mum will be better with me, then on her own. Mum has admitted that going back to her bungalow, she is not thrilled on, even though one point my mum wasn’t thrilled about staying in, after admitting her overdose.

When a family member wants to help some way, or for you to live with them for what ever reason. You are not a burden.

You may be reading this and in a position yourself where a family member has asked you to live with them and you are thinking you don’t want to be a burden to them. I would like to say that you would not be a burden, because you will be a much-loved family member. To them, you gave them support. You were there in their time of difficulties. You gave them joy and so all they want is to support you and help you in what ever way.

You are not a burden.

 

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Chit-chat February

Tea

I’ve been trying some new teas, from since Christmas. Pukka ‘love,’ I have drunk before, but the other two from the Heath and Heather range, I haven’t until now. I like all three teas, but the one I won’t buy again will be Heath and Heather Dandelion, Burdoch and Hawthorn. I’m not completely into this one and find I only drink now and again.

I bought myself a lamp beginning of January, from The Range, from money saved the previous month.

 

At night, when I am not crafting at my dining table and instead, just sitting on my settee relaxing, or reading, I just have my lamp on.
The lamp has three dimmable settings, so when I am not reading, it is on the dimmest. It’s better than my main lights and when I don’t want it too bright, but I still want to read. The bulb is a warm white, so as it gets nearer to bed, I will be slowly settling prior with the gentle light. This will work out cheaper to run as well, than my main lights.

Since January, when I had my hearing aids adjusted, the rest has just calmed down. I only have a bit of sensitivity when the washer is on, with not having a door on my kitchen to close the kitchen off. But the sensitivity is not bad that I feel I have to remove my hearing aids. The one thing I have noticed though since having the changes made, is difficulty in conversations now. Especially women. I have mis-heard on quite a few occasions. But it’s not like I can go back and say turn it up, cos of the sensitivity issue.

January month money-wise, it has been difficult, as you know, since my pay day. Outcome was more than my income. Mum helped me when my budget set for each week, was gone sooner than expected on one of my weeks, so I had food in freezer. I did not want to accept, but mum insisted, as so I touch least of my savings as possible. I am having to touch my savings a little for some bills. February I expect another difficult month money-wise and I know I will have to go in my savings again, for some bills.

Due to overtime I had at work near end of last month, which will appear in March pay, I am hoping this means I don’t have to touch my savings. I am hoping that maybe I can put some in my savings too.
I am hoping this year, will be the year of getting an additional job. I desperately need this.

My day trip to Windsor Castle is not happening now on my birthday. I received a letter with a new later date in May. A royal event was now happening that day, which meant it was now closed to the public. So now I go on the 25th May.

 

The future

So it was one week yesterday when I found mum on her bedroom floor. Lots of crying and in the early stages, sleepless nights. This post says what happened in the comments section, as I updated when I knew what mum had s done in the end, after posting it: A post for my readers to warn why I will be quiet. I nearly lost mum as you know. Now mum is in a safe place until her medication is sorted.

I seen my mum late afternoon yesterday. Until then, it was my time. I was wondering if when it came to that morning whether my brain would be constantly thinking while sat in the quiet. But I was ok. I finished reading my book and that went back to the library this morning.
Today, is a day just for me. No plans to see mum today. I am in a cafe at a reservoir I have mostly walked round, with a latte and cake, before I walk the remainder.
When I am back home, I will be filling some holes in the walls I made, as I have removed picture frames off the wall, that I hung on nails. I shall then paint over the filler and while at it, paint over the lighter patches of cream done by whoever else, before I moved in.
Now the weather is starting to get warmer, I shall paint my bathroom ceiling and kitchen. This is to make sure I get my bond back when the time comes to leaving later at some point. Although ceiling was like that when I moved in, I was given a tip-off to paint over the mould, to make sure I get my bond back. This tip off came from the neighbour who I reported for pointing his gun at the neighbours opposite. I seen him yesterday while I was with my friend. He apologised profoundly for that day and understood me reporting it. So we are fine.

I do these little things in my flat in preparation for the day I get my council flat, where me and my mum will move in together. Mum is looking forward to the future, for when this happens. There has been lots of discussions. Not just between me and her, but some of the mental health team and her, as one wanted a private chat with her yesterday, to discuss how worried I was about her and upset, as well as some other discussion.

A post update for you

Hopefully, I can keep this post condensed as possible with my different updates.

I spoken to the police some weeks back regarding the incident about the gun I witnessed. He was licensed and when I gave my statement, I was told mine alone would be enough for him to lose his guns and license. The week before police spoke to me, his guns and license were removed, while investigating. I have heard nothing since giving my statement and with things going on since, I have been distracted in many ways.

I sent my complaint to Spark Energy about the two complaints I had with them. I am giving them 9 weeks from the date of my letter (14th February) to reply and then if I hear nothing, or not satisfied, I won’t hesitate to take it to Ombudsman those complaints. No compensation will shut me up on this one and I have warned them that I will be excepting no compensation like before, to stop me going to Ombudsman.

I am leaving Spark Energy and moving to Octopus Energy with my gas and electric. I start with them on the 28th February. So I am happy to get away.

With the Spark Energy shit and then what I witnessed outside my door regarding the gun, as you know, I was looking to moving as soon as my contract ends. With what you know in my previous post in the comments, it turned out mum took an overdose and I asked her that us moving in together, in a flat could still happen, if she wanted. Mum would like that. I have a form to fill in for why she will be living with me and I will need someone on the mental health team to help me fill in details about her mental health and treatment, as proof that I need.
In the meantime, until this happens, because I cannot bid on any council properties until my contract ends, means mum may be back at her bungalow for a while. Until then, mum is now in a mental health unit where they will keep an eye on her. I arrived there before mum, because she was still waiting for transport to bring her from the ward. It was a good job, as I had a melt down while chatting with the staff. The mental health place is no stranger to me as mum was in there after her breakdown when I was 11. (I am now 42.) The ward is new though, as this ward is for people around her age, as she was on a different ward all those years ago. The whole place though has had a makeover of some kind, since all those years ago.
The staff on this ward are lovely and the ones who witnessed my melt down were great. I had a good chat with them. I got time with my mum before it was back to work. I hope to sleep better tonight, as last two nights I hadn’t after she admitted the overdose.

Mum will be here while they sort out her medication to a suitable level for her. When mum can go, social workers will be involved I was told.

Sometime next week the consultant treating my mum will want to speak to me and the form I require filling in, will be this person I need to see.

That’s my updates on everything.