12th June 2019, Week 2 – “Working on Us” Mental Health Prompts

It’s time for “Working on Us” Mental Health Prompts, kindly created by Beckie, over at Beckie’s Mental Mess.

For today’s prompts and how to join in, do visit this post, which will take you to Beckie’s post. You will also be able to read the reason behind “Working on Us” Mental Health Prompts.

For today’s prompt, I have decided to use both the question and the image below.

The question:

What do you find to be the most challenging for you when it comes to your mental illness? (You can give an example and  also a means on how to cope.)

Motivation is the most challenging thing for me when it comes to my mental health. This does not help when I get the fatigue that comes with it.
When all else fails, the only one thing that does not and that is walking. So I take myself off and walk somewhere, preferably in nature.

The image:

What are some pictures (without text) with deep meaning(s)? - Quora

I can relate to this image above. The many changing faces how I once used to feel. That putting on the fake smile, to hide what was going on inside.
Putting on the fake smile I used to feel was more for the benefit of others at one times sadly. This was because of hearing “Chin up” that many times and basically wanting to knock their heads off, or tell them to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine, or fuck it to their response.
Thankfully now, I don’t have to hide it, because I am around people i feel who listen and care. They accept me at my down times, as well as at my best times.

Fibbing Friday – 7th June prompt

It’s time for Fibbing Friday, by The Haunted Wordsmith.

I know you have been looking forward to this as much as me, because it is a rather special post today. It’s the first time my mum has participated in a blog post on here. So here we go. 😊

1. Why do cable companies offer so many channels no one watches?

My answer: It shows just how they have nothing to do.
Mum’s answer: Because no one can find their way.

2. Who invented lemon meringue pies?

My answer: Santa, because he missed the snow, when it was summer time.
Mum’s answer: The meringue man.

3. Why did people invent the sandwich?

My answer: It was a new way to smother people.
Mum’s answer: Because of the spread.

4. What was the stone age?

My answer: How to tell the age of a stone, or a pebble, by looking at the bumps, cracks and any other age related markings.
Mum’s answer: Two bits of rock.

5. Why do people grow more annoying as we age?

My answer: It’s a new form of fun, while playing a poker-face.
Mum’s answer: Because they want to catch up.

6. What is doomsday?

My answer: It depends where you are in life.
Mum’s answer: When you don’t get paid.

7. What do fish do all day?

My answer: They are secretly plotting.
Mum’s answer: Do a gobbly do.

8. Who are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse really?

My answer: I don’t have a clue.
Mum’s answer: Four bits of a puzzle.

9. How do you make a cake?

My answer: Throw everything in a bowl and mix. But don’t forget to throw some flour around, as it makes you look very  busy. Santa will also appreciate it, cos it’s the nearest thing to snow in summer.
Mum’s answer: Upside down.

10. What is the best ice-cream topping on a sundae?

My answer: More ice-cream. Yum. 😊
Mum’s answer: Two bit pieces.

11. What is your ideal style of home?

My answer: Furniture either side of the room, to give it a parting.
Mum’s answer: Two sheets to the wind.

12. What is the strangest hobby?

My answer: I don’t know. I’m not strange.
Mum’s answer: Riding a hobby horse.

5th June 2019, Trial #1 – “Working on Us” Mental Health Prompts

Beckie, over at Beckie’s Mental Mess, is starting on a new prompt series called, Working on Us.

For today’s prompts, there are two prompts which you can either just do one, or both. For details of these prompts and how to play along, please do see todays post at: https://beckiesmentalmess.blog/2019/06/05/june-5-2019-trial-1-working-on-us-mental-health-prompts/

I have decided to do just one of these prompts and so I have chosen prompt #1 – Question:

When you first found out that you had a mental illness/disorder. Explain how this new revelation regarding your health affected you?

My mental health is depression and anxiety.
Depression has been the main symptom, because anxiety came second. But anxiety over the years has proved to be an issue at times, as my depression.

I wouldn’t say it has been a new revelation for me, because I always knew it was there, or not quite right. I just never did anything about it, because as I did as a teenager, I just soildered on and as a teenager, I wouldn’t have been aware about how my own mental health was in general then, even though I seen the trials of my mum’s mental health.
I was a person who got my head down, hoping to get through each difficult day. My long standing readers will know about my childhood difficulties. But for those that are new, then click on childhood in the tags section of my blog, because explaining it here would make it a very long post.

Fast forward after divorce, my mental health went down more and I felt I wasn’t coping. I referred myself to counseling, for the rape and about that relationship in general, which mum supported me on, by coming down on the bus with me and waiting in the waiting area, while I had my counseling. The counseling helped for that time then.

Another moment in time later, which then I was in a relationship. (The relationship that never went anywhere and what turned out to be a shocking later, that I discovered by accident some years later after having nothing to do with him.) During some point in those first two years I think it was now, one night, in my own bed, which I was on my own, I had a flashback of the time I was raped in my first relationship. It felt so real. When I woken up, I found myself in the same position, so god knows if I had been crying out in my dreams. It was real enough in my dreams, but to wake up and find myself like that, made it more sickening. I was hugely triggered and traumatised all over again.
Further counseling at a rape crisis centre, with the support then of the boyfriend I was with. This counseling went into areas of conversation that was not covered in my counseling elsewhere I had the first time round on this area of my life. I can’t remember if I was on medication then. I don’t think I was. But the counseling really helped, for that time.

Then in another area of my life, (before the above flashback) while still in this relationship, had issues with neighbours, while in a council property. The stress of it all brought me to a new time low. I lost a lot of weight with it. At this point, I was on antidepressants and I was scared to take them I remember. But the doctor reassured me of my concerns. My then boyfriend, supported me in that appointment, in case there were things that needed repeating later, with things being a blur and numb. I wasn’t long in getting a private property and this is how I ended up in private properties ever since. I can’t remember how long I was on antidepressants, as some of that time is now a blur.

The last time I was on antidepressants, were at a time I blogged about here. That was when my old workplace broke me that much, that I could take no more. I was depressed and I was having lots of panic attacks. God knows how I still managed to keep going to work. I was that messed up, I really shouldn’t have been there. But I kept doing my shifts and doing what I automatically seem to do as a child.
I also had counseling, which towards the end delved in my childhood. I was having triggers when going into this area and because NHS counseling only lasts so long and because of the nature from childhood, it had to be treaded carefully. This counsellor said because if what I seen as a child and the other things in regards with what dad was like, that I likely to have PTSD. To hear this being said to me shocked me, even though it made sense.

I was on antidepressants longer than the doctor would have liked. This was because I did not want to start weaning off then when I was having driving lessons. Then when I did not do anymore, because I couldn’t deal with it any further, plus I had a double-death in the family; my cousin and her husband.
Then, as you know, followed by discovering the true horrors of the ex-boyfriend and finding out what he truly was by accident in a Google search not related to him, there was no way I could think of reducing my antidepressants. So antidepressants were reduced some months later, even though it was still a difficult time.

Present day, I can still feel lows at times. But I am feeling particularly low since my first day in new job. But I remain medication free, since I last came off them, as mentioned above.

I take each day as it comes. With the now stresses I have had since living here, that you know about and being more of a carer for my mum than I ever been, lists are becoming more my friend, because since February, I am finding myself more forgetful then ever before. I have used a diary for years, but a list is in addition to my diary.
If I have a lot to think about in a day, then a list is created and placed on my coffee table. I will also take the list with me, if required.

I hope this post gives an idea, as it has been very hard to write this one. Not because of the topic, as this is now easy with the counseling and support I have had over the years. It’s just a bit grey in areas, as I forget things and I found just writing this post, in how best to get my words down. So feeling brain tired, is probably the best way to put it.

Thank you for reading, if you got to the end of this post.

Fibbing Friday – 31st May prompt

I have been watching Beckie, over at Beckie’s Mental Mess participate in Fibbing Friday. You can see Beckie’s answers to yesterday’s Fibbing Friday here.
I have participated a couple of times and left my answers over on Beckie’s blog posts, but thought I would start doing it here, when I join in.

The Fibbing Friday prompts are created by Teresa, over at The Haunted Wordsmith.

Yesterday’s prompt questions can be found here at this post, over at The Haunted Wordsmith. But here are the questions and my answers below to this fun game.

I have started following The Haunted Wordsmith, to see future prompts that I hope to join in with.

What would a Friday be without a chance to do a little fibbing? Have fun and come up with the best whoppers you can to these questions:

  1. What did the fan say? I can’t think of anything better than Beckie’s answer. 😊
  2. What really kicks off summer? I can only think of Bryan Adams song, ‘Back in the summer of 69.’ Now what did happen? 🤔
  3. Who rules the world? I definitely agree with Beckie. It’s certainly not Donald Trump.
  4. What is the best thing to do to someone who snores? Give them the elbow. But make sure you quickly pretend you are asleep.
    Or, pinch their nose and see what happens. 😁
  5. Who/what was your last unexpected house guest? A wasp.
  6. How does a blanket keelp warm? It’s not the blanket keeping you warm. You have been deceived all these years. Instead, it’s you that’s keeping the blanket warm.
  7. Why shouldn’t you snoop? You may be forced to keep a secret.
  8. What is the worst thing that could happen to you? I can’t think of an answer.
  9. What did the gopher and mole do when they met? Let’s hole up together. 😂
  10. What lurks in your backyard? A squirrel, on a secret agenda.
  11. What is the best way to torture someone? Now that could get me into trouble. Lol.

So if you would like to start joining in with Fibbing Friday, then don’t forget to follow The Haunted Wordsmith.

I challenge you

For those that like to colour in books, I would like to give you a challenge. A challenge that I have already done, after doing the challenge myself.

I challenge you to colour with your non-dominant hand. So this means using your opposite hand from the one you usually use.

This challenge appeared in “The Mindfulness Companion – A Creative Journal To Bring Calm To Your Day,” by Dr Sarah Jane Arnold.

So, as I am right-handed, it meant I had to colour the picture below with my left hand.

Believe it, or not, I have never coloured with my left hand. So I surprised myself with this end result.


I did feel the concentration though, while completing this challenge and I did this over a few days.

The only time I have used my left hand, was when I had to write with my left hand some years ago for so a few months, while the right one was strapped up and not allowed to use it, after injury as a cleaner with it.
Before then, as a packer with an employer, I learnt to use a tape gun with my left hand, so that I could alternate hands using the tape gun, so I would not have any issues with my right hand, had I used that all the time instead. (Repetition causing injury I suffered, until I made this change.)

When you do the challenge, as the challenge in my book says, “… Notice how much patience and concentration it requires. It may feel new and unfamiliar. It may feel frustrating. Notice and name any emotions that arise, moment by moment, and allow them to be here with you as you try to guide your hand as it colours. See if you can experience this without making any judgements. Notice how present you are in this moment.”

If you decide to take on this challenge on your blog, do let me know.

A to Z Gratitude Challenge

So near the end of the post, “Life is a rollercoaster” I talked about the “A to Z gratitude challenge” I came across in a book, in case you liked a go. The rules for this challenge, was to, as said from the book, on page 71 of “Courage, 50 Mindfulness and Relaxation Exercises to Improve Your Confidence,” by Dr. Arlene K. Unger:

“Write the alphabet on a sheet of paper. For each letter, challenge yourself to come up with something to be grateful for. (When you get to X and Z, just find something that contains those letters rather than words that start with them.)”

I mentioned that when I had done mine, I would share it in a separate post. So here it is.

A – Animals. As long as it is the furry, or feathered kind.

B – Books. There is always something nice to read, or learn from a book.

C – Cats. For the love received from cats once owned.

D – DVD’S. Action, or comedy.

E – Early mornings. I’m enjoying getting up an hour early, than normal.

F – Fruit. It makes me feel good.

G – Gratitude. For practising it more.

H – Hamster. For a little thing, it gave me lots of love, when I had one.

I – Ice cream. Whether it be a bowl of vanilla, or a Ben and Jerry’s. Naughty, but nice.

J – Jelly. Strawberry jelly, with vanilla ice cream and relive a childhood favourite.

K – For the kindness I have received.

L – Lavender. A relaxing fragrance.

M – Music, to reflect my mood; whether to relax, or dance.

N – Nature. Nothing beats getting out and taking a walk, whether the park, visiting a pond, the beach, smelling that flower, or watching wildlife. I just love it.

O – Oranges. I know I said fruit, but there is something about oranges that can perk me up, or just be refreshing.

P – Perfume. I find some perfumes can be relaxing. It’s lovely to find an alternative that can.

Q – Quiet. I like my quiet times, as they help me recharge.

R – Roof. For a roof, over my head.

S – Sanctuary. My home is my sanctuary, just to be me in how I choose. To take my hearing aids out, if I want to.

T – Tea. Nothing beats a mug of tea, throughout the day.

U – Unique. For being me.

V – Vets. For the support in the final days of Miley, my beautiful cat.

W – WordPress. My blog and the lovely community I have discovered here.

X – I can’t think of one.

Y – Yellow. A cheerful colour, that always feels like sunshine, no matter what the weather.

Z – Zzz. Sleep, as it helps me, mentally.

Have you been having a go with this challenge?