It’s the weekend

Update since this post, My feelings – Part 11. Police can’t help at this point regarding missing items, as it appears items are lost at this point. Until mental health unit have exhausted all enquiries. When I have heard and I’m not satisfied they are lost, I can contact them and report them stolen.
I think next week, I shall contact the chap from housing and let him know, who I was in email communications with, after making sure they knew about mum. Tell him my concerns that I don’t want mum billed for something that wasn’t her fault. But also I know they wanted to put a new door on originally, so I am hoping that is on the cards when I am able to hand the bungalow keys back. He will be able to forward my email to person, who would need to know.

This morning, I spent the morning at my mums bungalow, cleaning the kitchen completely.
I wouldn’t usually choose to do my weekend like this, but I know if I try and do this between my jobs, I am just exhausted and I feel rushed.
I even had a taxi there and back, just to make it easier for myself. I could have come back earlier than I did, but I booked taxi times in advance, so I don’t struggle on the phone, as well as no rush and clock watching.
I book via email with my local taxi company, a little in advance, as so to give them chance to see the email. I’ve not long being doing it this way and it works out great.

I took tuna sandwiches to munch on, while at bungalow and a protein bar.

As soon as I was back at home, I made some lunch extra lunch for myself, a pizza, then I sat outside.

Later, I had some oven chips.

Tomorrow, my plan is to bake a sponge cake, in the morning. The one with the mixed spices, as I did last week.

If weather nice, I shall also sit outside, for a bit, then maybe a dvd later. If weather not nice, reading and dvd’s.

So although a little busy Saturday morning, I made sure the rest of the weekend was mine.

What’s your weekend plans?


© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

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My feelings – Part 11

As you know, I am trying not to blame myself for not taking some of mum’s important belongings for safe keeping, back in November.

And as you know, I wasn’t comfortable on the idea of not notifying the police, as soon as I became aware of missing items, all because I wanted to give a chance of the nursing home to answer my questions and do their own investigation accordingly. But also, as I got my mum’s Social Worker involved, I wanted to see if she could help and to give her a chance on chasing up. The mental health ward being her next step.

But this morning, using the only email I have for Ashfield area, I have emailed the Neighbourhood Policing Team. Even if they can’t do anything themselves, they be able to direct me in the right direction of an email accordingly, having connections.
Due to it not being monitored 24 hours a day, it can take 14 days for a reply, it said in an automatic email.
I have emailed the Social Worker, to let her know I have done this.

I am tired and fed up. Fed up with evening work, that continues to drain me. Fed up of other happenings at same work place, that I have also complained about. I plan to take a nap this after this post airs.


© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

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Remembering to give time for me and finding the balance again

As you know during the time I have written this blog, if you have been a long time follower here, I have learnt and practised giving myself self-care.

I have learnt as an introvert that I must have ‘me time,’ so I can feel recharged, without feeling guilty for that. But the additional practice of self-care I would talk about here, was an additional learning curve. Things I do are either what I have come up with, or what I have thought, ‘oh that’s a good idea,’ when reading other people’s blogs on self-care.

Before the issues with mum’s mental health decline, I learnt about finding the balance for me, as part of self-care.
A little slip up didn’t hurt. But if I totally neglected myself, then the way I would feel and possibly behave, would be that reflection of not looking after me.

Last year, I had given only a little time for me, but I let it slide more, because of worrying about mum and looking after her.
Eventually, when mum decided to start pushing away part of a care team, that did not go down well with me. Tensions showing. I certainly made it known to mum, that living with me one day, when originally we were going to do this, that throwing away her care team, was definitely not part of the deal. She needed to still work with them, because although they were there for her, I felt supported too, because I knew I could approach them if need be.

It was soon after this, when further changes with mum’s mental health for the worst, that I was starting to not have the energy, or motivation for me, let alone anyone else and my mental health declining as well. Then as you know, I had to have a temporary break. Mum’s support team being made aware of this and so keeping an extra eye on her, while I concentrated on me.
I wasn’t long being in a place I thought I would never be and that was being suicidal myself.
I got my own private support due to the counselling provider on the NHS failing me, yet again. (Same as before: disability access issues.) I will always use this private counsellor from now on, whenever I need her.

The temporary break, turned into a longer break and without pressure, after being contacted by her Social Worker this year, I got involved a little, because the choices being made for mum, in her life, were very important decisions.
With mum not expressing her feelings in those decisions due to her mental health decline, then it was better if someone who knew her better than them, to make those important decisions, if possible. Those important decisions being preferences/her wishes if she had any, regarding care homes.

Now, as you know, I am in the process of filling in necessary forms for Court of Protection, with the help of a solicitor, to look after her financial affairs. A new learning curve in my life, that I never thought I would have to do.
I know I don’t have to do it, but there is no way the council are going to be in charge of looking after her finances, due to being no one ekse.
Mum always trusted me with her money, when need be. So I feel I have the duty to, because I know this is what mum would have wanted.

There are then changes at my evening job and they keep changing still. I have not got a clue anymore as in what I should be doing, because of my memory.
Let’s not forget recently  when I posted about communication issues there.
So this area is stressful in my life too.
We still have too much to do and with changes happening again, it’s not just me that doesn’t have a clue and getting stressed. Regardless boss saying to us, do what you can with an ever growing area in front of you, it still doesn’t help. Especially when we are in a time as we are where cleaning should not be neglected and I feel it is, because of what we can’t do. That’s not my way of working at all.
I actually can’t wait to be on annual leave, from this job at the moment, with how I feel.

Due to new responsibilities coming my way and as I have shared recently, I have created an extra system in what I do to help with possible future queries, issues, as well as when I fill in forms as part of my deputy duties, when that time comes.

I have slowly slipped in the last few weeks for me, because of focusing on this system and the other things I have had to do in between. Not forgetting also mum’s missing items.
It’s a reminder to me how easily it can happen and a reminder to focus on me and make sure I take time, for me.
So I am making sure I find and practice finding my balance again, on my self-care.


© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

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Communication issues 2 – my workplace

So as you know from yesterday, I am having communication issues with deputy manager at nursing home. I know from conversations with you all, that you get just what kind of strain I am under, whether you have been following this blog for some time and knowing other circumstances prior leading to that, or whether you have not long be following and joined in that conversation of yesterday.

My tipping point where I broke, was when I was at my evening job last night and another sign of many signs of communication break down.

Now these communication break downs that happen, even before changes we all had to make for Coronavirus, is always caused by the same two people in the department.
This can be avoided if they just do what our boss told us to do and not what they think they should do.

By chance, my boss was coming round to see me, to see how I was getting on, with not seeing me for a few weeks and could see things were not ok.

So I told her about what has been going on since we were all back in our normal shifts and as usual, what she tells us to do, the usual two like to do it differently and not what she says, with a little huffing and blowing of their own, because me, or other cleaners are fed up them telling us different to what she (boss) says. And then we have someone else, who is fed up like us, because there are times he isn’t filled in on what is the latest that he should be doing.

She was understandable as ever. Said what she would do about this and then she talked about what is happening elsewhere, that we wouldn’t see happening on our shift.

She understands that if this could be sorted and helping me do my job without the unnecessary upset, it would make my difficult life much easier. At least at work. I said it would. I would cope. I said I am not going to have that kind of behavior as I got at start of shift, when he does the opposite of what we are all being told.
I said it’s always him, or another name I mentioned, that do not follow what you say and instead say, this is how it goes. I’m sick if it.

This morning I am exhausted. I need to go to mum’s bungalow to do something. I will mention in a later post. But I am hoping that when home and after lunch, to get one or two hours shut eye, that I usually need at least once a week.


© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. (But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated, as that is their copyright.)


Communication with deputy manager leave a lot to be desired, currently.

First impressions with deputy manager of nursing in first few emails were great. But where as it gone a lately? Not a happy bunny.

Before some of mum’s belongings, were discovered missing, just before that, communication with deputy manager left a lot to be desired.

But when she failed to give me 10 minutes of her time during my first visit with my mum and went home. I wasn’t impressed at all.
I was there all afternoon, into early evening, before discovering she gone home.
I am very surprised and saddened that this deputy manager did not send an email a few days later to apologise for that day. It should be her apologising. Not her staff for her.

It’s a week today since mum’s items that were noted missing and no one has got back to me about it from the care home.
I sent an email a few days ago to remind her of those missing items. Just so she knows I have not forgotten. The house key and outbuilding key are important right now. But where is her handbag that she said mum came with to the nursing home and has it with her? Where is the old ISA book? Who is at fault with that? Nursing home, or mental health ward prior? As the deputy manager of the nursing home has failed to communicate in any way with me, to give me answers and so I am none the wiser, doesn’t make me a happy bunny.

I don’t like it when communication channels break down, or don’t exist. We are all part of mum’s care in some way.
They are my mum’s carers. I am her daughter and I need to speak up for her, when required. And when time comes, I will be deputy, of her finances.

With the no communication over the serious issue regarding mum’s missing bungalow key, her outbuilding key and also her old ISA book, I am close in notifying the police. But first, I have emailed Social Worker about it. She got back to me today and will visit the care home tomorrow. But should something crop up to stop her, she will definitely be there Friday.

So I await what answers she can get for me.

I hope she passes onto deputy manager just how I am contemplating contacting police over getting answers regarding missing keys and how I am not impressed with her lack of communication, that before, first impressions were good.

The care side of things I have no worries about. I have confidence mum will be looked after

But the communication with the deputy manager, is the problem right now.


© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

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Happy to sad and back again

So without trying to go into much detail and make this post long. If you have been following for sometime, you will know it has been a very difficult time, for some time, with my mum and how it’s affected me during that course.

Part of the afternoon, (just 2 hours abouts) it was a whirlwind of emotions.
During that time a fair bit of communicating earlier in the day to after lunch in parts. I decided with communicating to my mum’s Social Worker about it, that I was going to take on responsibility of mum’s financial affairs. I wasn’t going to let the council do it because in the end I would have no say. But as Social Worker also mentioned, it wouldn’t have been personal, like it would if a family member took charge. So Social Worker is happy to hear I will take it on. So I will be applying for Court Of Protection.
Court Of Protection has to happen with there being no Power of Attorney and a Power Of Attorney can’t be done now, because mum doesn’t have the mental capacity.

Although I will get eventually reimbursed, due to this, the hoping of having a house deposit by middle of next year is not going to happen. I shall have to see what the year after brings, because I know from already reading about Court of Protection, that there is a fee each year. I don’t know if that would come out of mum’s, or mine. But I will learn as it happens.
The fee is higher the first year, because of the support you receive for the role. I may talk about that experience later, when the time comes. Or I may not. It’s starting to feel even more of a very personal journey. Not just for me. But mum too. So it more will likely be the part I won’t talk about here.

So the 2 hour window of emotions came on as soon as I knew I would take it on. I went from feeling good and happy, to sad. A quick headache appearing. Sadness turned to tears, for the reality biting more, that mum will never be as independent as I would like and the nursing home being only option where mum will be.

Mum’s Social Worker is supporting me where required. She advised how I could proceed, via two ways.
I could do it myself online, or if I find it difficult, then to use a solicitor, although extra costs would be involved.
I tried the link and looked at the forms and procedures, for where I could do it myself and it felt very daunting and I wasn’t feeling confident with it. So I enquired with two solicitors.
First one, after reading their email, regardless my savings would cover, my heart was sinking as I totalled the fees. Some of these fees could go up, or it was minus the VAT. I knew my dream home wouldn’t happen next year, because it was going to gobble most of my savings. (Although before all this, I wondered if it would happen anyway.) But now, it’s definitely not.
The second solicitor was more clearer than the first. There were no grey areas and would work out cheaper.
Still expensive. But cheaper and I was feeling very relaxed reading this email. So the happy face returned. So the second solicitor will get the job.
Yes, it may cost more this way than trying it myself. But it will be less stressful and I will feel reassured. I can concentrate on other things.

I was going to buy Christmas presents this year, for friends. But now, I think I have to give it a miss this year. So I hope you are reading this, so you are all aware. It saves me letting you know individually. So let’s just stick with Christmas cards again.
This is going to be a slow process. So I need to focus on this, instead of shopping for presents. I know you, my friends will understand.


© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated.

It’s the weekend

I am ready for this weekend, just like last week’s. The only difference, I don’t feel as bad tiredness wise. Just been stressed and frustrated in parts still. But again, not as bad as last week.
Anxiety has been moderate, with some high moments.

I have naturally gone for sweet stuff. Not pigging at it, but having more than I usually, which that has proven to me, because I have done this, that this can affect me mood wise, as in feeling hyper at times in the day, after having it and then sometimes waking up in the night with that jumpy feeling, or when I wake up in the morning, jumping out of my sleep.

Anyway… I have nothing to report of plans much for this weekend, as all I plan to do is have a lazy one. Non stop dvd’s.

It’s just to switch off and not use my brain, because of how I have been struggling keeping up with things these past 2 weeks, getting my head around new way of things at evening job and other times my brain has been thinking more than it needs to, because I have been confused.

Having this lazy weekend will also help my body heal and relax from accident at work, two nights ago. I tripped on a slightly uneven floor tile at work. How I kept myself upright, I do not know. But I banged my right elbow in the process and my left ankle hurts. I did have a sore spot also, just below the knee on same leg, but that seemed to have gone yesterday, so it’s just left ankle and right elbow.

Originally, Saturday was when I was going to take it further with regards to Holland and Barrett. But I am leaving that, at the moment. I just need to switch off. But I did send another email. This time using their complaints email. I still don’t have faith in them. I feel that regardless of me using the complaints email, that it will still be same staff as with other email I used. I said at the start of the email that preferably, I would like the Manager to deal with this complaint.
They have until 22nd June, then I AM going to PayPal, after realising I can do it that way. So if going to PayPal happens, I will be asking for a part refund, for the items not received and complaining again there in regards to no customer service, which has been the main annoyance about all this, as you know.

See post, Do not shop online at Holland and Barrett, where I first mentioned about them, if you have not seen it already.

As I need to switch off, I don’t know if I will pop in at any time over the weekend, but don’t let that you stop you commenting, as I will look forward to what you have to share. 🙂

Hope you are ok. What’s your weekend?

For anyone who’s just seeing dark clouds and drizzle, I leave you with some blue skies with fluffy clouds. (My umbrella.)

My umbrella which has blue sky and fluffy white clouds on it


© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated.

A question for my readers in the UK regarding their mortgage

This question is for anyone living in the UK, who has had a mortgage in the last 5 years, to present. 

Is your mortgage payment, under, or over £500 per month?

Just reply with your answer as under, or over. There is no need to tell me your actual amount. 


With this lockdown and everything else in my life. But especially the lockdown. The lockdown has made me rather desperate now to be living in a house, with a garden.

I have felt so caged in because I dare not go out for a walk out on the nature reserve, or park, because of everyone else doing it and not having control of that 2 meter distance.
And same with regards of sitting just outside my flat in the garden, along with maybe not getting my own peace and quiet during that time. My only  walking is when it’s work, or groceries, as I have mentioned before.

I am sick of the neighbours still opposite and, their latest antics and with not being able to travel to other areas, it’s making me feel caged.

Now if I was in a house, I would be sat in the garden, or doing something in the garden. I would not have felt caged. This lockdown has clearly shown me that.
I envy those right now that are in their garden resting, or planting their veg, or flowers. Or just doing that little bit of weeding.

So these last two weeks the way I have been going about my mortgage originally, I have been thinking, do I need to change plans to my original plan? Still, those plans I am thinking, may take at least a year, to a year and a half to achieve, if I use those new tatics. But that doesn’t feel as bad as what was 3 years. Plus, if I stick with my original plan then I now know it definitely won’t happen in 3 years, due to less being put aside. It will never happen if I stick to that plan. Unless I win the lottery. Which I don’t play.

As some will know already, I am seriously conteplating on moving out of this flat now, to a rented house, when restrictions are lifted. But I am holding off for two reasons.

1. Now is definitely not the right time to move in the next few months, because what may arise with my mum. It would be too much to handle mentally.

2. If I am going to change my plan and use a new plan in regards to buying my own home then there is no point moving into a rented one, because this may be more achievable.

So I am hoping to focus on just getting through the next 8 months to a year, counting from now. I can’t bear to think of anything longer than this. Then I will go from there


© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. (But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated, as that is their copyright.)

How is everyone doing?

With restrictions still in place for some more weeks to come, our world isn’t going to change anytime soon. But I did not expect them to be lifted just yet. It would have been crazy to lift them at this point and our efforts would have been wasted. So it’s good to know this is staying in place, as hard as it will be for us.

Last Friday became a moment where I had a melt down, while at work. A couple of bloggers know this via comments.
It just got a bit much wth regarding my mum and getting my head round the nursing homes idea, and the restrictions in place that limit where I can go.
But what really made me melt, was seeing in last couple of days how some people are just not observing these restrictions. So it got me really frustrated and upset until I broke.
I have seen people hanging out in groups of three and here’s me, like a majority of us, playing by the rules. What the hell are these people playing at? I stay in, unless it’s work, or groceries. That’s the only time I am out, as well as picking up my prescription, which I need to do that tomorrow.
I don’t stay in for the likes of others to hang out in groups of three!

I know I am not alone in these feelings, because I have read other blog posts too where they feel exactly the same on this and frustrated by it.

I am so glad I am working, because going by how I am finding it more difficult now, regardless how much I challenge myself in finding good stuff to occupy me with, I think I would have been more of a mess had I not been working.

Also, when restrictions do eventually lift, things aren’t going to be the same and I am concerned with one thing that I have been reading, that the Government is thinking of doing. But they want to get full facts together first, before making a decision. That’s face masks. This was on my mind Friday too, so this broke me in addition to the frustration of those who think it is ok to go about in groups of three. If face masks are going to be enforced, then that is a barrier to me. How do I lipread someone with a mask?
The world is not accessible to me as it should be now at times, when it comes to communication. So my fear is how harder is my life going to get communication wise, if face masks are enforced.

I would be only willing to use a face mask, if say like on a bus, because you can’t have that 2 meter distance there. But everyone else will have to wear them too.
The other time would be in a medical setting, like a hospital.

Wearing a mask protects others. It doesn’t protect you. I have chosen not to wear one, for the simple reason that I do not want to increase my risk of infection, because of me touching my face, to adjust that mask, through the day. (I have asthma for those that don’t know.)

So my future fear, until it is made certain by the UK Government, is just how more difficult my life will become as a deaf person? because at any point through out the day I come across someone wearing a face mask, who wants to talk to me, I am going to look confused back, indicating to the removal of the mask, because I can’t hear, or bloody lipread, until they do.

How are you doing? 

 

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. (But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated, as that is their copyright.)

Blog post re-share : Apps I find help my mental health. — Life with the Hazelwoods

I have tried three of the apps mentioned in this post and, the one I am going to stick with and see how I go longer term with, will be the Calm Harm app.

It’s all about finding what what works for you.
I am mostly a paper based person, as that’s easier for me. But I have tried apps in the past and found a lot not suitable for me, in different ways. But the Calm Harm on first impressions is good and, although I don’t self-harm, I have been feeling suicidal, as well as having anxiety and depression,
I think this app can help for those too.

Do you use apps?

Do visit this bloggers post and comment there.

When your phone is always in your hand it’s quick and easy to download apps that can help when you’re in a bad place. I downloaded calm harm first. It’s been the best app ever for me. It’s completely personalised and you need a password so nobody else will open it. It’s made for people […]

via Apps I find help my mental health. — Life with the Hazelwoods