Following on from yesterday’s post

(This post comes with a trigger warning, as it discuses suicide.)

Following on from yesterday’s post, Counselling, I heard same day from a counsellor via the work programme, who texted me in the evening.
This person wanted to ask me a few questions, which I answered and to see how I was feeling.
Most importantly, because of mentioning suicide on the assessment form, this person wanted to know if I felt safe that night and asked if I had any plans to end my life. Which I said I was feeling low, but had no plans to, because I don’t want to hurt my friends, like my mum has hurt me.
A few more questions were asked and I was given a couple of places I could use, should I need to use them in a crisis. So I have these details on my phone and on paper, should I need to, quick to hand.
I was also asked if it was ok for them to contact my GP, asking if the GP knew of my suicidal thoughts. I said how my GP knew of my difficulties, but not suicidal thoughts, because then, I did not have them.

Today, I heard from my doctors surgery and I had an appointment made in the afternoon to talk about my feelings.
This GP I had not been before and so another doctor I like at this practice. I see her again in a couple of weeks, to see how I am doing. Hopefully, I will already be having counselling, so she can see how I am doing with that and go from there.

The person who contacted me from the programme will keep me updated with anything I need to know, along with when they source me a local counsellor, which they usually get set up within 10 days.
Until I see the counsellor, the idea is using either of those contacts, if I have a crisis. Both available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

My doctor I seen this afternoon also said should I feel worser that I feel I can’t cope, to come in sooner. Until then, we talked about the things I do that help and if I have anyone I feel I can talk to, etc. How walking is good for mental health, which I do.
Also, while I am as I am, it would be best not to see my mum, till I felt more better and to not feel bad about it. To do it when ready, as to keep me safe.

 

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated.

My feelings – part 3

(This post comes with a trigger warning, due to mention of suicide. But I don’t go into detail of this. I just mention the word and the ending of my life.)

So I finally got round to writing this post. A post I found difficult for different reasons.
One being able to actually delve into my feelings this time and acknowledge them.
Two, to understand what my feelings actually were and three, how I was going to write this post.

The following feelings I write, are based on what I have been feeling, or still feeling, since late August to present, as this post airs.

Anger

I have felt two types of anger. The general type anger and the “I hate the world” feeling type anger. The latter, I have not felt for some years and it wasn’t nice to feel that again.

Tearful

Lots of tears.

Anxiety

Anxiety has been a little in the day, but not to affect me. The worst was waking up with it, first thing in a morning. My heart was pounding on some occasions. Did I have a disturbed sleep prior? Dreaming? I don’t know.

Dark mood

As I have said in an earlier post, I have been in a dark mood. I’ve not wanted to be here. I have had dark thoughts of ending my life. But as I have said in that earlier post, I’m not going to follow it through, as I will not put my friends through what my my mum has put me through.
The dark thoughts were really strong from September to near end of October. They are not as strong now, or often as it was then. But it’s still there.

I have had dark thoughts once before, many years ago, but it wasn’t as strong, or persistent as I have experienced this year. Have you experienced it? What did you do?
I am probably doing already what you do, but do share your tips on ways you have distracted yourself from this.

Depression

You can say at my worst, (dark mood), I had depression.

Feeling low

Certainly had plenty of that.

 

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated.

Blog post re-share: Before You End Your Life – Suicide Awareness — Writing My Heart Out

This post comes with a trigger warning, as it discusses suicide.
It’s a blog post re-share from Writing My Heart Out. 

It’s a post close to my heart, because as you know, my mum attempted suicide back in February.

Also, due to the effects of that hitting me later and now the struggles with my mum since, you will know I talked about being in a very dark place and that dark place was not wanting to live anymore myself.
I still have those feelings, but I am not going to act them out. I am now in tears as I type that.
I am tired, as you know of all this with my mum. I have had it long as I can remember. But the struggles came from my teens, when I was her carer in some way, until this year I said no fucking more, after I took a week off work burnt-out. And so I am now her daughter. Not her carer and due to mum’s current situation as you know, preparations will be put into place by those in charge of her care, that mum is going to have to accept when the time comes to discharge. But until we are at that place, mum unfortunately is that bad, she is not at a place to take charge of her care.

Do read this blog post by clicking on the link below, visiting the original blog post to continue reading and comment there.

Are you at the lowest of your life right now? Does everything seems to falling in front of you? Have you lost faith in yourself? Do you feel like taking your own life & end everything ? If yes, keep reading till the end. Hello everyone! First of all, the reason why am I writing […]

via Before You End Your Life – Suicide Awareness — Writing My Heart Out

Blog post re-share: Stop saying “Committed Suicide.”

I have to say that I have used the word one time, when talking about this subject, “Committed Suicide.” But I basically had said what I had read, when talking about it once, to someone.
I wanted to share this post that talks about why we should be careful with our words and not say “Committed Suicide,” but instead say, “died by suicide.” After reading this post, you will understand why it is appropriate  to say “died by suicide.”

Please read: https://pickingupthepieces63.wordpress.com/2018/06/24/died-by-suicide-not-committed-suicide/