My very personal posts of 2016, that started off this blog.

If it wasn’t for offloading and using this blog as part of my therapy to accept what happened to me, then I probably would not have started this blog. Writing this blog has helped me to move forward and some things that were really troubling me, to let go of the guilt that I should not have had to start with.
Most of these following posts all have a trigger warning of some kind, stated at the beginning of the post.

 

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. (But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated, as that is their copyright.)

Embracing my inner child

Reading ‘Heart Thoughts, A Treasury of Inner Wisdom,’ by Louise L. Hay, I came across this quote that made me pause and reflect.

“Each one of us is always working with the three-year old child within us. Most of us, unfortunately, spend our time yelling at that child and then wondering why our lives don’t work.”

As well as this quote that made me pause, it was also some further writing on the opposite page, that goes onto taking care of your inner child.

It made me pause and reflect because through from my child years to early adult life, everything I felt, felt like it was that inner child in me. As an adult, the way I am in with regards to my low self-esteem, low confidence and generally the way I felt, felt like that inner child. The child that was not allowed to grow.
Those that are new to my blog, if they read my blog posts from the beginning, will understand afterwards, that the difficulties I had in my childhood, through to adult life, is it it any wonder. But now as you know, if you have followed most of my posts, I am getting there and I am in a much better place now than I have ever been.
But seeing this quote and reading further on the opposite page, it reminded me to make sure I continue to look after my inner child. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies and easily put ourselves down, which is something I did a lot of, but for sometime now, I  have got better with this.

Look after your inner child.
Look after yourself.

Links:

Please note, this blog has come to an end. Further details can be found in my pinned post, including link to my new blog.
Just click on title of my blog to take you to the home page, where you will see my pinned post.

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated.

Learning more about myself

As you know from my blog posts so far, I have talked about my difficult childhood, that affected how I was today.
Counselling I had before Christmas and for a short time in the New Year has really brought me a long way, than any other counselling I have had before. This was because they got me to delve more into my childhood, when I started talking about it, by asking questions. Some questions I had to really think about, before I could answer.
The tools the counsellors gave me, along with my own self-learning along the way, I have felt calmer than I have ever been.

You will know in past posts that I have shadowed physiotherapists and this year a healthcare assistant, as I decide my new career path.

I plan next to have experience in the mental health, to see if this could be a route I’d like to take.
I found out recently though, that I would not be able to shadow healthcare assistants, because of confidentiality, etc… (I did expect this, so it came to no surprise.) But they were able to give me further details and they forwarded on my details with my permission to the appropriate person for volunteering in mental health. I see this person in just over a couple of weeks time, to discuss volunteering opportunities.

Thought about this career for some time, but …

I have thought about this role for some time, especially the past year, but I always kept putting it off, because of a fear inside me. But the past month, I have felt more strongly about it, especially after how well I did my first piece of course work I’m doing.

I put this off because of my childhood past; the emotions I felt with my Mum at that time. I wondered if I would get unexpected flashbacks and if so, how would I react, especially if things came back that I’d forgotten.
Also, remembering the stuff my Mum used to talk about. As a child, I could not get my head around it, along with other things going on and so I did not cope very well. I would block it out and be in my own world, so I could block the pain I was feeling. I had no one to talk to as a child, regarding this, other than when I opened up to Dad a bit.

I knew that if I decided that this role was right for me, then I needed to return to this part of my childhood, so I could face it and talk about it with my Mum, if she was happy to do that. But not to discuss how it affected me, but to listen to her experience and anything else. That way, I felt if I could get past this, then I felt I would get past anything.

Facing my childhood past

Recently, but not planned, I got to listen to that kind of talk I could not handle before. The conversation started off after I was mentioning to my Mum about volunteering in mental health. The conversation seemed to naturally go from there. My Mum talked and I just listened and I surprised myself. All the fears I had before, that I was concerned about was not there. All the stuff that started coming out that I could not cope as a youngster through to my early 20’s, I found I did not bat an eyelid and I did not feel the pain I had as a child.  I did not feel uncomfortable. I learnt something new about myself, finding I now can cope with this.
My Mum was happy to carry on speaking about this and I encouraged her to talk more about it.

Passion

From the moment I started my mental health course, I knew the passion was there. When I received results of my first piece, finding I had done better than I thought, I felt even more passion and this possible job route seemed right for me.

Now I have my childhood past and learnt that everything is ok after all, I feel more reassured that when it comes to volunteering in this area, I know I will be ok and to enjoy the new experience of learning I will get from it.

 

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated.

I hide it well – Anxiety

Not my words, but instead from my friends that know me well. Any anxiety I have, they have said I hide it well.

Anxiety is when a person has a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something. Anxiety is related to the ‘fight or flight’ response. You can read more about it here, at Mind.

I have suffered anxiety many times, along with depression. Anxiety has put me in a situation where I have had panic attacks and although I have not had any panic attacks for a while, it does not mean I feel some sort of anxiety at times.
I am on medication since last year for when I had depression and anxiety. (Anxiety being the main problem, because of panic attacks I had at that time.)

As well as work that started off my depression and anxiety, it was also things that happened my childhood that were affecting me today. As you will know from my past posts, counselling has really helped to uncover this and since my counselling finished, I am still working on my wellbeing myself. If I ever need further counselling, I only have to refer myself back.
Anxiety can happen to me, when I travel to somewhere I am not familiar with and although I go on coach holidays in the UK mostly without a problem, I can be different if I take myself on a bus, or train to somewhere new. (Even though I prepare the best I can, by arming myself with a street map. I would never be without a street map!)

I have always said to myself in the past, that I will just get myself on a bus, or train and travel somewhere different, just to gain that confidence. But I haven’t. Although my day trips, or holidays have increased, so I suppose it is all not bad.

When I have discussed new areas I have visited with friends and how I have planned in advanced to know where I am going and revealing how I feel, I have had friends say to me, that I don’t show this and that I seem confident. Some friends have said what I have done on my own, they would never dream of doing, because they would not feel confident, or would panic at the idea.

Soon, I will be making a trip to an area I have never visited before. This will be an appointment to visit someone in regards to volunteering. (A different area of volunteering I am considering which I will blog about later, should I decide to do it.) So although I have looked up the area and I have my street map ready, along with asking a friend, to see if I was right with buses to take me there, I am feeling some anxiety. I have been feeling distracted because I have this on my mind.

I have ordered a eTrex. I have thought about using something like this some years ago, but put myself off from buying one. Although I know there are apps on phones you can get, my current phone is not ideal to use something like this. I am also on pay as you go. So again, it’s not ideal. (I am happy to stay on pay as you go, as it’s cheaper for me.)
My previous phone, which was an iPhone, the battery was getting poor. So even with that, I could not rely on it, because of the poor battery life, if I wanted!
Although I will see how I go with the eTrex, I will still be armed with a map, as a back up.

Do you suffer with anxiety? Do people who know you, find that you hide it well?

 

© Elizabeth Fisher and My Wellbeing and Learning Journey.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Wellbeing and Learning Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. But Guest Posts that feature on my blog are not allowed at all to be duplicated.